Simon the Scotsman

This is true - you can get them in Robert Dyas too if you are out and about and find you need one.

Joan Collins in Cinzano advert with Leonard Rossiter

My Asda deliver driver's name is Marissa

Yeah, just not very graceful 😁

A shirtless bald bearded man smiles. A grey cat observes

Chesty Morgan has nothing on me

Went for lavender, it only stung briefly 😳

I've resented brambles since I fell into a ditch learning to ride a bike, so my grudge is larger now 😁

I think I need mouth-to-mouth please 😈

A man pointing at a graze on his leg

I fell out of the brazier when I tried to stomp down the brambles in it

Happy birthday, hope you have decent weather and a good coat in case!

Oh, I bet you do 😚😉

Lovely to see you and meet Chipmunk! Hope you are well 😊

‘Everybody was fondling underwater!’: an oral history of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at 50 Mick Jagger wanted to play Frank-N-Furter, Susan Sarandon got pneumonia, and the cast were wet and half-naked most of the time. Richard O’Brien, Barry Bostwick, Patricia Quinn and Nell Campbell tell t...

Fifty years ago, I learned the words 'transvestite' and ‘transsexual’.

Happy birthday, young fellow 😚

Oh, this is good news 🔥

Just give me advance warning if you can, otherwise you might be treated like my mouthwash 😁

A man looking at his coffee

POV, you're my coffee

A resigned looking but still chilled old man

Trying to remain zen after trying to claim a P800 refund online, I got fed up and requested a cheque rather get more worked up 😵‍💫

Happy birthday, hottie!

Happy birthday, Jay! x

I was in heaven when I visited 👍

I always prefer learning about what others may consider banal, rather than world changing events, unless you count the developing of polyethylene, that's interesting to me 😁

An old man thinking

Just remembered that in hot weather I used to drive barefoot because sandals are a hazard. I used to like hooking my toes around the pedals and pretending I was a monkey. Is this normal?

I'd buy it. 🎶💿 #MrsMills

That's a great turn of phrase 😁

Happy birthday young fella 😚

It's nice to see you getting a wee bit cheeky of late 😈

No one tries to pick an argument with you in Tesco 😂

Couple goals😁

Wasn't there a problem with bike racks breaking the tailgates and dropping bikes onto the highway? I think it made Watchdog

Sod war and posh people, this looks like a history book that aligns with my interests