The Fence

The whole article is free to read, all you need to do is sign up.

The Ceremonial Counties of England… Ranked! God’s Own Counties

'23: Norfolk

A deeply overrated place. Takes ages to get there and not that exciting when you arrive. Flat, flinty and feudal. The beach at Holkham is nice but there are beaches elsewhere.'

the-fence.com/the-ceremoni...

All My Friends Are Famous David Gardner, David Beckham’s buddy, recently got engaged to a beautiful model, and it made front-page news in the UK. If I’m being honest, I had never heard of the guy.

'It’s not unlike the relationship with your oldest and most annoying friend, but if you manage it correctly, there is a much larger upside.'

the-fence.com/all-my-frien...

pipeline from @thefence.bsky.social to guardian going strong

Misjudged the lateness of trains back to Newcastle from London after a gig on my second ever visit to the capital in my early 20s. Spent the night fitfully nodding off sat on a pile of newspapers outside Victoria Station while avoiding being arrested/mugged/urinated on. Great gig, though. Worth it.

*cracks knuckles* 2002, alcoholic creepy downstairs neighbour hated me, decided to wage war by playing A Little Less Conversation at full blast in five second bursts throughout the night. Police came and took his stereo. He retaliated by trying to set fire to my flat through the letterbox.

yup this doesn't sound good

We have finally conquered the seven continents... Issue 26 is in Antarctica!

Last call for nominations...

There was a TOTS show in Brighton where all 4 of us plus our driver William had to share a room afterwards. I awoke in the night to hear 4 different snorers going in and out of phase, it was positively Reichian.

Some fantastic nominations so far!

Stayed in a hotel in Mexico in a bit summer. The aircon sounded like someone had thrown a bunch of 2ps into a tumble dryer. The whole night was a repeated cycle of a cold shower, blasting the air con on full and then turning it off and desperately trying to get to sleep before it got too hot again.

Day after the Brexit vote, heading to a Polish wedding. Thunder storms rerouted me from Szczecin to Berlin. I found a hostel but no food, skulled four cans of vending machine Sterni, and was drifting off when my Aussie dormmates returned hammered, turned on the light, and started discussing Farage

A 7 hour sleeper flight in which the man behind us coughed loudly, open mouthed and non-covered until he passed out. As we all tried to get at least an hour of sleep before landing, the air steward came and *shook my husband awake* to check if he wanted... a sleep mask.

On an eleven-hour flight from St Lucia to London, in economy on a full plane. The older lady sitting beside me was suffering from dementia and kept slapping me. Quite hard. I was moved to the only available seat, the cabin-crew jumpseat, so spent eight hours sat bolt upright and backwards.

Oasis gig in Manchester years ago. Managed to get a place to stay afterwards in a mate of a mate of a mate’s house. Led up to the room in a hazy state to be find I was staying amongst his menagerie of tarantulas, snakes also possibly dragons, medusas and banshees. Terrifying night of zero sleep.

Many years back, I tried to sleep on the windowsill of a Glasgow hotel room in an attempt to distance myself from my dad's snoring. That failed, so I ended up in the bath, which was still damp.

A few nights ago on holiday. Woken by rattly aircon, switching that off, sweating increasingly profusely as the room warms, opening window, generator outside window starting up, closing window, switching on aircon. And repeat (until sleep just before dawn, then woken by daylight).

In what appeared to be a repurposed lav on the Caledonian Sleeper, the name of which seemed to mock me through every one of my waking minutes

For next issue's Fencepost, we're heading into the realm of the half-conscious and asking: what is the worst night's sleep you've ever had?

Perhaps not the worst night’s sleep, but definitely the worst exit from one: 5am, a weekday, woken by a confusing noise, I open my eyes to see my (nightmare) housemate halfway through the window (to clarify: on his way in). Just about recognise him in time not to push him back out, demand to know…

Staying in a Norwegian herring gutting plant, @jahduran.bsky.social & fell into a brutal snoring battle, two Thor hammers at it without rest – one would nod off, commence thundering, wake the other, the cycle repeating in a horrendous exchange that went on throughout the bright Arctic summer night.

Overnight Eurostar to Bourg st Maurice. The door was next my head and incessantly swooshed and stchtumpfed open and shut; a cadre of “lads” were pulling an all-nighter; and a harassed nanny was trying to console a teething baby while the parents slept peacefully in a different carriage. zero zeds.

As ever, the best entries will be collated for the opener of Issue 27.

For next issue's Fencepost, we're heading into the realm of the half-conscious and asking: what is the worst night's sleep you've ever had?

Thanks!

Great cover.

Issue 26 is RESTOCKED at Good News on Berwick Street

From The Fence's newsletter in November last year, would you believe it.

thefence.substack.com/p/off-the-fe...

Did everyone enjoy today's newsletter?