Prof. Saab Story

The AWS outage stories keep getting better… garage won’t open, fridge orders 60 gallons of oat milk, house locks them out till they say ‘please’ to Alexa, and overheating beds. Meanwhile, my Saab just needs oil and an apology. The Internet of Things is the dumbest thing ever invented.

#academicsky

Fair… I agree when it’s peer review for journals or colleagues in the trenches. But when billion-dollar publishers come knocking with commercial book proposals, and authors get shards of pennies on the dollar, it feels less like reciprocity and more like free labor for shareholder dividends.

Plenty of things piss me off, but nothing quite like being asked by a big publisher to review a book proposal for free. Not a cent, not even a coffee voucher. Apparently my expertise is worth exposure and a thank-you PDF… but not the book itself.

Asshats.

#academicsky

The college report remains idling, spewing noxious fumes like my Saab.

I feel like I’m dressing up an open jar of Ebola or cesium-137 with christmas wrap: looks pretty on the outside, but its toxic sludge thats induces double strand breaks.

#academicsky

The AWS outage is hilarious. It’s like a digital COVID when suddenly the world stands still and the beauty of silence reveals itself…

… and a nightmare for the LinkedIn boneheads whose contributions to science is the variance of unknown icons barfed out from an LLM onto a post.

#AcademicSky

Still haven’t finished that college report and admin keeps hounding me. At this point, it’s less a document and more a perfect example of procrastination.

Here is lies the true value AI sludge and micro-babble: nobody’s going to read the damn 30 page report anyway.

#academicsky

Just shed a tear of joy over a student’s README.txt file It was clear, organized, human-readable, even indicating subfolders. In this wasteland of AI sludge and broken syntax, it was a thing of beauty… unlike my Saab’s muffler

#academicsky

Just had a paper bounce back at “QA” because of a new/different line-numbering requirement. What, the science is fine, just not the margins?

The QA efficiency we all dreamed of!

Journals move goalposts like toddlers. My Saab’s maintenance schedule is more consistent.

#academicsky

Every conference starts the same: blowhard presidents of this and that yammering like bad warmup acts at a concert. Imagine how many Kreb cycles could be saved or diverted to actual science.

#academicsky

Dear undergrads,

Asking to join my lab when you’ve clearly used an LLM to write your email is an astonishingly bad idea. Your letters are impersonal, stale, and not inquisitive.

And that paper of mine you thought was “very interesting?”… well … it wasn’t.

#AcademicSky

Indigenous Peoples’ Day: a reminder that this continent’s foundation isn’t brilliance or progress, but built on theft, silence, and loss.

#academicsky

The AI crowd calls itself revolutionary, but it feeds on data scraped from the exhausted humans it ignores. Real science happens in wet labs, basements and barns, not PowerPoint keynotes and LinkedIn posts.

Ma’at, Egyptian goddess of truth and morality, silently cries.

#academicsky

Chalk dust on my sleeves,
streaks etched boldly and pure
whiteboards marker… dead

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Whiteboards: every marker’s dead except the yellow one nobody can read. My Saab’s jealous—those markers get replaced more often than its timing belt.

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Latest update from Secretary Robot Frog: grand theory linking Tylenol and circumcision to the phases of the moon. Somewhere, real scientists quietly close their laptops.

Step aside for the academic flex, squirminator X

#academicsky

📨➡️💰➡️😡➡️📄➡️💀➡️🚗💧

#academicsky

One of these days I will use an AI spell check to ensure my use of us and use makes sense.

Everyone else steals my grant ideas, so why not let a 17 yo tech bro electronically and permanently recapitulate my mind?

To that guy at every conference who asks a question during every plenary: we get it—you’re here, you love the sound of your own thesis and voice on the conference speakers.

While I suffer imposter syndrome, you subject use to your poser syndrome.

Respectfully, sit yo ass down, bro.

#academicsky

It’s everything. Unless you’re holed up with a handcrafted Red Hat build from 2002, nothing’s immune to tech-bro babble about ROI, opportunity costs, and ‘ecosystem synergy.’ The whole digital world’s been optimized into misery.

#academicsky

Sick of these mandatory ‘upgrades.’ My Saab may leak oil and scream at cold starts, but at least it doesn’t demand a OS update to shift gears.

#academicsky

Another forced computer ‘upgrade’—new bugs, new pop-ups, nothing works faster. I’d be better off unplugged, but that’s impossible now. Every machine’s been enshitified into an OS turnpike.

#academicsky

Digital posters are horrible for networking. Why the hell are we flying to conferences to download an app and not meet? Physical posters, paper maps, scribbles in the margins—that’s irreplaceable. Without it, it’s just a silent Zoom with bad coffee. Horrible experience for trainees.

#academicsky

Dreamed I stumbled down the lecture hall stairs during a plenary, pretending it was an accident just to ask a question. Audience shocked and sympathetic, while I silently chuckle hiding my professional stunt man skills.

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Secretary Robot Frog Kennedy warning about Tylenol like it’s batshit science from a cereal box. Meanwhile, real research drowns in paywalls and failed pass thru authentications. My Saab’s repair manual is more evidence-based.

#academicsky

Moshfest washrooms sounds like a bad idea… this body ages like my SAAB- nobody should be subjected to the visual and auditory barrage.

Conference costs have exploded because the circuit is bloated—glut of events, chasing hotel contracts, apps, and swag. Imagine gathering at universities, crashing in dorms like the old days. Rough around the edges, sure, but the conversations would be richer, the science more honest.

#academicsky

Digital posters,
cold screens where faces should be—
networking dies here.

#academicsky

Conference jackass strolls in 5 minutes late, then sits directly in front of me. Perfect—now I get to watch the back of his head instead of the slides I paid $1125 to see.

#academicsky

Conferences have gone fully digital—crap apps, glitchy maps, no paper handouts. Painful for anyone who thinks visually. I don’t want to scroll, I want to see, orient, and have some control in the chaos.

Even my Saab comes with a printed manual.

#academicsky

My tweed jacket is covered in chalk dust, elbows patched, pockets are full of dull pencils and cough drop wrappers. Basically a wearable CV of disappointment. At least it doesn’t charge $200 a page.

#academicsky