Auntie Wow

Live nude girls? well I would hope so

I’m watching the OC for the first time and Seth Cohen? The boy that all my friends say was their first big crush? That guy? This loser? This awful evil annoying fuck? I would shove that twerp in a locker but he would probably love that. I hate him.

A corporate girly can never be chic. Only a true faildaughter , a real fuck up of a woman, can embody chicness

DFW probably feels so good if u hate yourself

ARE U SERIOUS BRO HE WAS ASS

Sidon can’t do shit for me . Slow as fuck. The power of water? You fuckin serious? That fuckboy loser useless can’t do anything a fuckin splashfruit can’t do

clocked their tea so bad

One time I was watching borat with my dad and uncle and my dutch grandmother came in and said that’s not kazakhstan that looks like eastern europe

I bet getting to know each other feels so good if you’re a flavor

I’m getting my asshole DARKENED . I’m not playing your games

Another day of not creating value for shareholders ✨ can’t believe this is my life 😇

Love it when girlies come up to me after a show and say they wanna try standup and I’m like “you totally should ! Here’s all the places not to go to! Sorry that’s most of them! Have you thought about moving? “

she kill on my bill til I volume 2

They year I turned walter mitty

I was once looking at myself in the mirror and my bf at the time was over and looked at my reflection and said “you don’t look like that” and it fucked me up since then he was super cool :)

Wait people are mad about the Cracker Barrel rebrand bc it’s woke? I’m mad bc it’s ugly. Also that was my pop-pop up there on the sign but I don’t brag about it so yall didn’t know

I am so so lucky that my favorite band is constantly touring and puts out an album like every two years. They’re not all great but my god I love you Stuart Murdoch and your batshit work ethic

This face to face interaction could have been an email that I would ignore

I dont want to be a coworker. Don’t call me that.

At this point I just have to assume any and all material that is stuck underneath my nails is edible

the pillsborough dillboy

It’s allll “preservation of physical media!!” until bitches need to cut up some vintage playboys to make a shitty collage

In my buying vintage juicy couture jewelry off eBay era

I am extremely passionate about 311 city services

I’m not like other girls! I think breakfast at Tiffany’s is a trash film even if you remove Mickey Rooney completely!!

I miss SCHOOL. I miss LECTURES. I miss writing an ESSAY.

Anyone have any tips for getting rid of acne in and around your ears? Do NOT say stop constantly touching your ears. I’m not gonna do that.

Pregnant bitches be IN costco

We have too many celebrities. We need to cull some celebrities

ChatGPT could never write “are we human or are we dancer”. One of the many reasons I’ll never respect it as an entity