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a man in a suit is sitting at a table with a microphone in front of a nba finals sign ALT: a man in a suit is sitting at a table with a microphone in front of a nba finals sign

So at my brothers party, a woman tells my uncle “You look familiar”. My auntie eyes open wide.

Me:

Did yall vote today? 👀

It’s some elections tomorrow. Make sure yall go vote. And remember this when you go to the polls… FUCK DONALD TRUMP!!

So… my team gets a new boss. After a week, he’s fired 😂😂😂

Let me be real clear… Any time i see a story about Disney and another service splitting, i know it’s Disney’s fault. Disney aint shit but a big ass money grab.

Candy corn 🚮

BREAKING: Democrats just tried to pass a standalone bill to fund WIC & SNAP to make sure families don't go hungry during the Republican shutdown.

Republicans BLOCKED it. So Trump won't use emergency funds to keep SNAP running, and Republicans won't let any bills pass. Shameful.

Ime… Call her and beg like Keith Sweat RIGHT NOW!!

😂😂😂😂

This gon be good lol

If we all got email accounts, why do we still get mail in a mailbox? That’s seems pretty stupid and redundant to me.

Time to load the clips. Where I’m from (DC in the 90s), Halloween is an opportunity for you to get got. And that won’t be happening.

I don’t put in PTO requests. I put in “I ain’t gon be here” notices. I asking for shit lol.

As a person who never had an aspiration to be married, I love being married to my wife. She my nigga dawg! Like… we get to watch shows/movies together, laugh together, have alone time in the same house, AND I get to grab her booty and lick her face whenever I want! Yea dawg… marriage life sweet!

Listen here…if yall don’t get out and vote on these elections coming up, leave me the fuck alone cause you part of the real problems that’s raising hell in everyone else’s lives. Take yo ass to them damn polls!!!

I’m a villain connoisseur…
My favorites:

1. Voldemort
2. The Joker (Heath Ledger)
3. Thanos
4. Scar
5. Jafar
6. Darth Vader
7. T-1000
8. Michael Myers
9. Dr. Evil
10. Magneto

I can’t deal w/ no more of my friends passing away. So I needed that good news!

My best friend been in Jamaica since last week. The hurricane hit, she still there, and I couldn’t get in contact with her.

Well…. She just called me 15 minutes ago and told me she was good. Amen amen!!! 🙏🏾

If you tell me Star Wars is better than Harry Potter, we fighting then I’m writing a whole dissertation on why you crazy as hell.

Welp.. I’m bout to take a nap in my car. I’ll be back in the office in about 2 hours lol.

1. Hey Arnold
2. Rugrats
3. Rocket Power
4. Every other cartoon

Hey Arnold is the greatest cartoon ever made. FYI.

If yall ain’t watched it, yall need to see The Rainmaker. That show good as fuck!

💯!!!

Ya feel me! Like damn, this can’t wait til 8 PM!?

Dawg WTF! It’s 1 PM EST. Save that shit for when I ain’t on this app. Got damn smh.

Man we been seeing a bunch of deaths being announced. And RIP to those folks that have passed on to the ancestors. BUT…. I can’t help but get pissed every time the announcement isn’t about that one guy. Yall know who I’m talking bout.

Homecoming this week! The Bruhz finna be OWT! Let’s get it. 🐶

I don’t spend a lot of money.

Everywhere I go, I make sure I get rewards points.

I will negotiate the price of a 7-Eleven Slurpee.

I’ll hit cancel on a streaming subscription just because I know they gon offer me a cheaper price before I cancel.

Am I cheap? OR…. Am I smart?

You decide lol.

The first step of rehabilitation is acceptance. I’m accepting the fact that I’m cheap. Any time I wanna buy something, I don’t. I just put the money I was gon spend in another account 😂.

And my wife is a “call my husband” type of woman. If she call me, she already got bail money on her.