it's actually describing a rose

(TTS voice) What your Servant Class says about you
Rider: (the camera turns towards a room with steam visible at the bottom of the door, the door is opened and reveals a mass of flesh. The camera is unmoving for several seconds, footage cuts off at the sound of a buildup to a deafening burp)

tbh I should be 3x heavier, at least 20 cm shorter, preferably pink hair and no responsibilities whatsoever

(grabs mic) ASTOLFO SO ROUND THE CIRCLE TOOL IS ACCURATE (runs backstage) (gets shot by security)

"literally everything" fat distribution... getting cocky about clearly not gaining weight no matter how much they eat, not realising the weight is being evenly spread all over... the creeping consequences of their burgeoning food addiction...

fakeass donkheads

twink who lost mobility to instant weight gain smugly refuses to describe what instant weight gain feels like

out of all the quirks in MHA I think Compress is severely underrated
like, you can literally fit more things in a much smaller space, need I say more?

Blackmore

actually I'll also take the neurodivergence that makes you really good at accidentally winning everything and makes the bad memories go away

tbh I should be 3x heavier, at least 20 cm shorter, preferably pink hair and no responsibilities whatsoever

Malori from Mage and Demon Queen showing a surprised face with SHOCK written next to her head. the text next to her has the names involved replaced so it now reads (in all caps) "Thorne's (real) career options 1.) Astolfo's Wife 2.) Astolfo's Child-Bearer 3.) Astolfo's Pet 4.) Astolfo's Personal Cook 5.) Astolfo's Body Pillow 6.) Astolfo's Alarm Clock 7.) Astolfo's Door Mat 8.) Astolfo's Bathroom Wall 9.) Astolfo's Stress Reliever 10.) Astolfo's Back Scrubber

oh yeah I did also make this

me rolling up to the secret government research facility they keep catboys at with a truckload of catfood:

"do you like it when boys are fat like this" if you saw the kind of fat boys I like you'd hurl

IT/ITStolfo and the WOKEly GRAYACEl ANTI-war

itstolfo

Astolfo sold pronouns and bought it/its for cheap from an individual covered in pronoun pins in a shady alleyway

In a previous post made on the website bsky.app, I libelously implied the individual known as "Pom-Pom" consumed human beings, I apologise for the hurt caused to the individual in question and accept all consequences thereof

"what if" lol. lmao.

playing games for your useless gamer Servant but doing it wrong on purpose to varying degrees

useless gamer Servant's useless gamer sausages

sitting in your useless gamer Servant's lap, periodically telling them to open up and they instinctively let you stuff more in their mouth...

impatiently tapping your foot as they struggle for several minutes then going in to "help" them (grope all over their lower body)

marching up to them with a dead serious look and telling them to get up from that chair and follow you, knowing full well they can't

Warframe screenshot from the Nightcap field guide screen, the selected shroom is called Reeking Puffball with a description that reads "Cover your nose and hold your breath, this foul fella causes weapons to release a noxious gas with each strike" Nightcap's subtitle reads "Oh, you're making me jealous mate"

some of you

more like Barely Stand 700 lbs or smth idk

do ppl even reference CW Flash anymore, idk

I was actually talking about my hands which look like a danger to Cisco Ramone specifically

call me the #gapcloser or whatever

for you thigh squish freaks or whatever

crazy that I'm just built like this