Ash, Like the Pokemon

Example: my ✨ financé ✨ cooked me a fancy dinner of Hamburger Helper tonight

Happy to report that I got engaged during my trip to Europe. I will now refer to Josh only as my ✨ financé ✨

I'd like to thank my bench for consistently outscoring my lineup week after week.

HARDEST PHOTO OF 2025 JUST DROPPED

Chiefs, Jets, my Fantasy team

🤝

0-2

Guess I'm doubling down on the Bengals. Picked up Browning.

Is this what it feels like to have a gambling problem? Surely THIS combo will work.

"we don't want the algorithm and data to be in the hands of the CCP"

Okay but your alternative is it to be in the hands of a fascist government?

I'd like to apologize to Bengals fans everywhere. I think this is my fault for going with a Burrow/Chase stack. And for threatening to buy a Bengals jersey if Burrow helped me win my league this season.

I knew my fantasy season was screwed when Yahoo rated my team an A+

Upon further review of this game I would like to apply to be the head coach for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

The play for the Chiefs this season should just be to keep everyone off of Mahomes and let him run the ball himself.

Someone explain to me why Jacksonville would call timeouts to help Bengals clock stop. Did they forget how much a touchdown is worth?

love to hit 'em with the

2 Corinthians 11:14-15: "And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve".

fun thought experiment for your FB friends right now

ask them to identify the line where someone's death is considered a loss for humanity versus a boon for humanity

watch them squirm

Damn you'd think Charlie Kirk is Archduke Franz Ferdinand the way even moderately left leaning news is reporting on this. Where was this condemnation when an actual seated politician was assassinated earlier this year?

If I were editing a column about Charlie Kirk’s political genius, I would tell the writer he needed to quote Kirk’s actual political beliefs. If the writer responded that doing so would weaken or distract from his argument, it’d be a pretty good sign that the column was not ready for prime time.

what a tragedy...

that the epstein files have been knocked out of the newscycle

Are we taking bets? I'm gonna go for Trad Wife. The payout on that would be WILD

"violence isn't the answer!" they shout at us as they beat us into silence and subjugation.

In other news, I'm ready to fight my whole FB timeline so I guess I'm back. I'll tap in, you can tap out.

I knew witchcraft had to be the answer for 2025.

The amount of cold turd takes I'm seeing on FB regarding a single, worthless dude getting removed from taking up more oxygen and resources from this planet while another school shooting happens on the same day ...

I just want to go to bed but now I'm cheering for overtime in this Bills v Baltimore game so I can sneak 4 points out of Flowers and win my first week of Fantasy.

Happy First NFL Sunday to all who celebrate

What's been capturing my attention for the last 3 months, no one asked?

Foster failing this kitten that showed up on our porch.

*opens app for the first time in 3 months*

don't make me regret this

I feel this. I'm very guilty of sometimes going OFF because I get excited about the obvious solutions and wait why isn't this obvious to everyone?!

I do and try a lot of weird shit.

But apparently eating foraged mushrooms from a friend who is NOT a mycologist is a line I didn't know I had until today.

Love Alexander Skarsgård as Murderbot, but also did they consider Richard Ayoade?

Jar of coconut pudding from Melo Melo, retail price $11.99

The reason I can't afford a house isn't my lattes or avocado toast. It's my obsession with Melo Melo desserts.