[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS] 1 NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]: Hello there 2 [A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk]. DAD: Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids? 3 NT EMPLOYEE: Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail! 4 MUM: That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids? 5 NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]: Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot! 6 NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]: Listen - that's their call [Calls emanating from the landscape]: tut-tut woke-woke 7 NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]: They are extremely sensitive and fragile... But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery. 8 KIDS [pointing]: There they are! [Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure]. [Little people noises]: woke-woke tut-tut woke-woke 9 [Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]: Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house. [Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]: tut-tut woke-woke 10 MUM [pointing]: What's that one doing there? NT EMPLOYEE: Oh, that's so sweet… 11 [We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away]. NT EMPLOYEE: I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph… 12 [We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]: Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE? [ends]

If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...

1* did not wank the elephants.

Good Morning.

Dear Mr. Clegg

I have started a business, selling the contents of your house

I knew when I launched I did not have legal access your house

Without this access my company will not be profitable

Others have told me I have a flawed business model, but I disagree

Please advise how I should proceed

Could you find room for a small sweet cock? An Island animal charity says it’s looking for a home for a handsome cockerel.

Regret to report that they’re having another completely normal one on the Isle of Man.

When I find myself in times of trouble
All out for 53
Speaking words of Wisden
Let it be

Keir Starmer denies pushing anti-migrant policies in order to chase Reform, saying that "I'm doing this because it is right, because it is fair and because it is what I believe".

A reminder of what he said he believed when he was running for Labour leader.

If you want to live in the UK, you should speak English. That's common sense. So we're raising English language requirements across every main immigration route.

Spain, you could do the funniest thing right now...

The Red Arrows, spreaders of New World Order mind control drugs.

For those of you enjoying the Red Arrow flypast:

Blue smoke = mind control
White smoke = mandatory vaccines, including one for diseases they haven’t invented yet
Red smoke = strawberry flavour
You’re welcome.

#chemtrails

Misspelled Acomb sign proclaims 'Chris is Risen' A church is presented with signs reading 'Chris is risen' after a mix up at the printers.

MERRY EASTER!!!

Loved it here last summer!

Happy #Lawyercat Anniversary for all who celebrate! It's been four years since the kitten appeared in my Zoom courtroom, and I released the 48 second video that made the whole world laugh. Here is the full video showing the big reveal at the end (in two parts because Blue sky). Enjoy!

The only thing you ever need to read about Cummings is the @vizcomic.bsky.social cartoon. Perfect encapsulation of his character and work.

Macau maybe?

It’s five years since Sean Dyche uttered these words of wisdom.

Words we should all abide by…

“CHRIS! CHRIS! DON’T BE A FUCKING DICKHEAD! FUCKING HELL, CHRIS!”

Hey, it only took Trump 9 days to announce his first concentration camp of the new administration.

Expect they're all on your list already but The Cellar, Old Harkers Arms, That Beer Place, Beer Heroes and The Brewery Tap for Chester 🍻

💛WIN A BOLLARD💛

The most popular competition in the history of social media is back. It's the prize you've all been waiting for.

Repost and follow to be in with a chance of winning this gorgeous Monoscape Bridgeford Smooth Grey Concrete Bollard worth £252.42.
#WorldBollardAssociation

Does it come with a smashed up BMW?

Oh my god it’s happened again

No pointing, no hi-vis vests. Poor effort

Musk speaking to the far right German party, the AfD, today. Best picture angle, ever! 😂

Hope to see a pic of you pointing where your bin once was.

Den Stillen Genieter is a must in Mechelen. Golden Fish was good. Looks like Cafe Het Maanlicht has sadly closed.

Gold mourning ring found on Dorset farm dated to 17th Century Metal detectorist Anthony Woolmington found the mourning ring on a farm near Shillingstone.

Someone needs to throw that into a volcano

The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.

Ok so… There’s a nice little park on a corner, and a path running directly to one edge of the park. That’s the first image, but there’s 12 other images here. In the second image, there is now a desire path running diagonally across the park. Next image, the path has been blocked by a park bench that the council has put in as a deterrent. Unfazed, in image 4 the path now deftly avoids the park bench. In images 5 and 6 the process is repeated, this time with a strategically placed bin which the desire path also avoids. Presumably in a fit of rage, the council plants an entire hedge to stop people creating new desire paths but eventually this too is defeated and a new path find a way. Finally, the council admits defeat and turns the desire path into a proper paved pathway. After a little while, a new desire path curving off this new paved pathway begins to emerge…

A little comic about desire paths.

@alistaircoleman.bsky.social All those first half goals for nothing

27 years ago on Tyneside:

Temuri Ketsbaia And The Most Batshit Crazy Goal Celebration Of All Time.

Sensational stuff.