ClayPB

😞

Still can't believe that this unemployed bum who was too lazy to fix her sleeping schedule, ending up making me choose her over it, had the audacity to tell me all those things which most were lies and the rest was minor fixable things that conversations can fix. But i wasn't even worth that. BLIND.

Congrats!

You know this world is fucked when Amouranth gets back with an abusive husband but i'm not even allowed a conversation to talk things out to try and fix things or a break up for some goddamn closure.

Fml..

The "Mirage" was my relationship all along, huh?..

I just want to share moments like these with you..

I'm not sure how long i can keep going without you, feels like i'm just driving straight into a brick wall. Everything is just worthless right now.

:(

It's crazy how someone can switch on you in a matter of hours. Going from saying she's there for you, willing to hear you out and then dumping a text full of lies as soon as you fall asleep and ghosts you for months. And i let her ruin my life for her happiness? Craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy. Love is Blind fr.

If i had known, i wouldn't have taken those 2 weeks vacation to go over there. Spending them fucking gaming or crying. At least i would've made more money before school starts...

It hurts..................................

I wish i could've spent the day outside with you like i had planned.. sharing a kiss under those fireworks...................

Tonight isn't easy..

Merry Christmas..

This Christmas was supposed to be the one where i spent the week with her in Vancouver, was going to surprise her and bring her happiness (hopefully..). It's a whole different scenario, one that i never expected and i'm REALLY struggling... Trying to stay occupied at all times so i don't spiral :/

Why did it have to be like this, why not just talk it out to get the point through, REALLY try to understand the issue. For someone that really cared, that would NEVER leave, that really was in love and apparently serious.... Things just don't make sense :(

I miss you so bad.. My days feels empty without you. But pride built a wall i guess and you need to take it down. I can manage and navigate through the storm, as i've done before. I knew what i signed up for..

Won't have internet for a couple of days until the new place is wired. I'll still check Discord somewhat daily so DM there if needed. Wish you guys a good weekend. :)

Today at work i was on the same shift as a guy i knew last year and they gave it to me and i just had to take it. Calling me stupid for choosing love over my job last year. It caused issues because of my sleeping schedule so i had to pick, i tried many times to gently tell her to fix her schedule.

Just to hear me out, listen to my struggles and find ways around them. Build each other back up, you know? I felt like i did that, even when i disagreed or you were wrong i listened and tried to be understanding and made you feel heard. I'm easygoing but i also want that whenever it comes to it..

Moving out on the 7th and i'm freaking out a little bit. With almost a complete stranger too, interacted with them a few times and she was nice but... idk. Always imagined it was going to be with "her" instead.. Idk why it had to be like that when all i wanted was a partner to support me, to listen.

Today i sold her multiple (Nov4th) birthday gifts that i bought in august and i feel so guilty.. even if i waited a while in hopes that something happened. I'll need the money soon and i could offer my family something with it too i guess.. at least THEY are trying to be there for me.. ☹️If she knew.

Got my life in order, did everything i had to and for what..What's even the point. I gave everything for her, even protected her feelings and ignored mine. I'm so tired of being used..

I have never been ghosted or dumped by text before this but i assume i would've preferred to be dumped by text. My overthinking ass trying to be hopeful and make things make sense because i can't handle that. Been spiraling and depressed for almost 3months now, just waiting for a sign.