Ivana Boritsi

Love is in the air?

WRONG. Deadly neurotoxin.

Guyssss guess who’s having Misericordia renovated with an accusing parlor! Now I can gather all my closest friends in one place to methodically weed out moles and traitors with the aid of scrawled notes and sharp objects 🥰

Ex still texting you? Chlorine gas attack. Works every time.

The very VERY special present? Oh my, Barov… you deserve it

But of course! Ok she was born a Dilisnya, and the surname was a bit of a revolving door near the end there, what with all the husbands - but she was a Boritsi at heart!! I even had it put on her gravestone, so there.

Hey! That was one of Mother’s finest assassinations, one for the record books! YOU don’t get to take credit for it!

Oh, oh, I will! Of *course* a Dilisnya screwed up a coup *that* badly! A Boritsi would have had eyes on the prime targets from minute one and got the job done properly.

The nerve! I didn’t even WANT you at my party, you’d clash with the decor

Hm? What was that? Couldn’t hear you, I was too busy writing invitations with twice as much gold leaf and embossing as yours

If my dear friend Jackie @jacquelinerenier.bsky.social takes revenge on someone, is it a RATaliation? 🤔🐀

How To Deal With Criticism

Step 1 - denial

Step 2 - repeat step 1 ad infinitum

Remember, a good skincare routine is essential to maintaining those femme fatale looks!

I like to start with an ammonia rinse, a round of revitalizing belladonna eyedrops, and a tasteful foundation before the rest of your cosmetics — anything lead-based will do 💜

Just heard the funniest rumor you guys, some people think I’m a vampire! Just because i’ve been young and beautiful and perfect for fifty years! The nerve!

Struggling to get those Black Friday deals? Try this hot trick to clear the competition at your favorite boutique!

Airborne sedatives 😌 Works every time!

Oh! Oh!!! Oh you’re lying, they would never— they LOVE my parties! They KNOW what happens if they don’t!

That’s it, the orgy pit is off. The alligators are still on.

Unlike what SOME people would have you think, MY soirée will be nothing but tasteful, elegant, and above all, expensive.

The orgy pit is five feet deep, and if I get bored I’m going to release live alligators 🥰

Wh— hey! Have you been spying on my day planner again!? Unbelievable, some people have NO manners

I do aim to entertain 🥰

But what else is there but distractions? If I ever stop moving, I might succumb to the hollowness of all things and the insurmountable distance between myself and others…

So I simply don’t do that! 😌

Oh I forgot about that…. *charming* little spider contraption. He really should bring it out in public more often! It frightens small children, bless

What a horrible accusation to make! Just because my last seventeen lovers have had terrible allergies to cyanide, and strychnine, and chlorine... and peanuts that one time, that one was legit

Don't you worry Barry. You're not in my sights. Yet.

Jackie, darling! Mwah, mwah, how *have* you been? We really should get Saidra in on this new circle, the new blood always do have such *fascinating* schemes to share

Mm, this face says otherwise 😘

Cousin! What a surprise! I didn’t know they let the elderly on social media these days

Ok, tinder didn’t light, bumble had no buzz, and grindr was… interesting. Men these days just can’t hold their arsenic.

Ugh! I’m swearing off love again. Hello bluesky, what’ve you got to offer?