DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER

DENVER, AT LAST, A FUCKIN CLASSIC COLORADO WEATHER WEEK. SEVENTY DEGREE HIGHS. MAYBE A LIL RAIN. FAKE-YOU-OUT-"CHANCE" OF SNOW. NOT SAYING THIS WEATHER IS NORMAL — IT'S ANYTHING BUT — JUST SAYING IT'S... WILD.

SUN: 65°/40°
MON: 72°/37°
TUE: 53°/36° RAIN?
WED: 65°/38°
THU: 66°/35°
FRI: 42°/30° SNOW?

PUTTING AWAY MY WINTER COAT JUST TO FUCK WITH THE WEATHER GODS

DENVER, THIS LOOKS LIKE AN APRIL WEEKEND NOT A FREAKING LATE-WINTER WEEKEND. SAY IT WITH ME: WHAT THE UNHOLY FUCK IS THIS SHIT.

FRI: 70°/39°
SAT: 71°/40°
SUN: 65°/39°

HELLLLOOOOOO NEW (& POTENTIAL) FOLLOWERS, I AM DENVER'S WEATHER AND I AM FUCKING PUMPED THAT YOU'RE HERE (OR THINKING ABOUT BEING HERE). I WRITE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I LOVE IT NOT BECAUSE I'M YELLING, I'M CRUDE BUT NOT CRUEL, AND I WRITE UP A FOUL-MOUTHED FORECAST TWICE A WEEK.

WITH ALL THAT IN MIND, I DON'T HAVE THE REACH HERE THAT I HAD OVER THERE, SO IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO YOU THINK WOULD APPRECIATE A CRUDE (BUT NOT CRUEL) DENVER-AREA WEATHER FORECAST, PLEASE DM THE NEXT POST TO THEM.

IT WAS DIFFICULT BUT I SAID MY GOODBYES ON THAT OTHER SITE. THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO FOLLOWED ME OVER HERE. LOOKING FORWARD TO NOT DOUBLE-POSTING ALL THE TIME / NOT SUPPORTING WHATEVER THE FUCK IS HAPPENING OVER THERE.

I KEEP WRITING "WE'RE SO FUCKED" HOPING FOR CHANGE AND STILL WE CONTINUE TO BE SO VERY FUCKED

DENVER THIS WEEK IS JUST ANOTHER EPISODE OF THE WINTER THAT WASN'T, THE FEEBLE FEBRUARY, THE WTAFBBQSMH. SURE IT'S NICE OUT, BUT MAN ARE WE FUCKED.

SUN: 51°/26°
MON: 66°/41° WT
TUE: 71°/44° WTF
WED: 69°/36° NOT NICE
THU: 66°/44° WTAF
FRI: 68°/40° WTAMFSIT

COUNT IT, EIGHT DISTINCT HAZARDOUS SHITS GETTING SHAT ON THIS GREAT STATE. I BET NWS BOULDER WISHES THEY WEREN'T USING 1995-ERA MAPPING TECHNOLOGY SO THEY COULD SHOW THE MULTIPLE HAZARDS THAT ARE SURELY OVERLAPPING HERE.

ATTENTION MOTHERFUCKS WE'VE GOT A CLASSIC COLORADO WEATHER HAZARD MAP UP IN HERE FEAST YOUR EYES WE'VE GOT WINTER WEATHER WE'VE GOT SUMMER WEATHER WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN

DENVER, WE ARE WEEKS OUT FROM OFFICIAL SPRING BUT NOBODY WOULD CALL YOU A FOOL IF YOU THOUGHT THAT SHIT WAS STARTING NOW.... WE'RE SO FUCKED / SHOW ME THE WAY TO THE NEXT POOL PARTY.

SUN: 67°/36°
MON: 69°/47° 👙🎉
TUE: 55°/31° WINDY
WED: 54°/27°
THU: 42°/23°
FRI: 41°/21°

DENVER THIS IS THE WEIRDEST FUCKING FEBRUARY IN GODDAMN HUMAN HISTORY. FUCKING HELL. NOTICE HOW I HAVEN'T BEEN MAKING ANY MATT GAETZ JOKES LATELY? ORDINARILY WE'D BE IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS MONTHLONG RESIDENCY. SO FUCKED.

FRI: 57°/36°
SAT: 60°/31°
SUN: 68°/38°
MON: 67°/45°

1. WE'RE FUCKED
2. POOL PARTY @ MY PLACE

...IT'S S'POSED TO HIT 70 AGAIN THIS COMING MONDAY Y'ALL, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

COLORADO WE HIT MOTHERFUCKING 70 FUCKING DEGREES IN FRIGID-ASS FEBRUARY, WHAT IS THIS

DENVER I WISH WE COULD REJOICE IN THE 70 DEGREE TEMPERATURES ON THE HORIZON BUT EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING FUCKED. TOTAL FUCK. EVEN TUESDAY'S COOL-DOWN IS STILL IN THE MID 50s. FUCKED.

SUN: 68°/35°
MON: 70°/39°
TUE: 54°/29°
WED: 64°/37°
THU: 59°/33°
FRI: 60°/33°

NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS BUT FEBRUARY WYA

DENVER I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THIS IS FUCKED, WE'RE FUCKED, THE WEATHER GODS THEMSELVES ARE STARING IN DISBELIEF.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 66°/37°
SAT: 66°/36°
SUN: 67°/39°
MON: FUCKING 69 DEGREES WTFFFFFF

DENVER ON DAYS LIKE THIS IN THE PAST I'D WRITE SOMETHING JOKEY LIKE "WINTER'S CANCELED" BUT WE'RE HAVING SO MANY LIKE THIS NOW I FEAR WINTER TRULY IS CANCELED AND THAT'S SCARIER THAN IT IS FUNNY.

SUN: 64°/37° YIKES
MON: 58°/28°
TUE: 52°/29°
WED: 52°/34°
THU: 64°/34° WTF
FRI: 65°/36° WTFFFF

ALSO, IF THE BRONCOS WIN I'LL BE DOING NAKED SNOWANGELS ON THE COLORADO CAPITOL GRASS SLOPE Y'ALL ARE WELCOME TO JOIN

DENVER, THE WEATHER THIS WEEK STARTS OFF CRAP THEN GRADUALLY REDEEMS ITSELF. IT COULD ABSOLUTELY BE WORSE, THIS TIME OF YEAR IT USUALLY IS.

SUN: 28°/7° AND PM SNOW MAYBE
MON: 44°/27° ABOVE FREEZING FINALLY
TUE: 48°/27°
WED: 53°/32°
THU: 51°/30°
FRI: 56°/33°

DENVER, ARE WE GETTING SNOW? AREN'T WE GETTING SNOW? SEEMS LIKE A BASIC QUESTION BUT SHIT'S SO FUCKED THESE DAYS EVEN THE WEATHER GODS AREN'T SAYING. FUCK IT ALL IS WHAT I SAY.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 22°/8° (FUCKED)
SAT: 21°/7° (ALSO FUCKED)
SUN: 22°/7° (FUCKED TOO W/ SNOW?)

DENVER WE ARE THICK IN THE WINTER HO-HUMS. NO MORE 60 DEGREES, BUT NO TEMPERATURES IN THE TEENS EITHER (SORRY MATT GAETZ). JUST SOME ALMOST-MID ISH THIS WEEK.

SUN: 52°/25°
MON: 45°/27°
TUE: 55°/25°
WED: 49°/25°
THU: 52°/23°
FRI: 39°/23°

long live broncos / rip broncos holyshit

whoops my bad wrong account. go broncos lol

fucking lick me like you mean itttttttt

DENVER HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE CELEBRATED FIVE MOTHERFUCKING PM ON FRIDAY? TOO DAMN LONG. WE FUCKING MADE IT, YOU GORGEOUS FUCKS, WE MADE IT.

I SORTA RAN OUT OF ROOM AND ALSO SORTA THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE FUN FOR EVERYONE IF EVERYONE GOT TO FILL IN THE BLANK ON THEIR OWN (FURRIES I'M TALKING TO YOU)

DENVER THIS WEATHER IS CLOSER TO THE WINTER WE'VE COME TO EXPECT / HATE, SO WHAT IT LACKS IN ORIGINALITY ... I DUNNO, IT MAKES UP FOR IN SUCKS SHITTYNESS? I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN THE WEATHER GODS WERE ALL FUCKED UP AND FULL OF

FRI: 40°/21°
SAT: 41°/31° GO BRONCOS BEAT THE OTHER TEAM
SUN: 51°/24°

no but curious: did you just get out of a 3-month stint in prison?