Research Witch Naifu

Drag name

Me: I want improve my footwork to strengthen my ancles and get better at badminton
Instagram: DO YOU WANT TO SHUFFLE
Me: I mean if it helps su-
Instagram: DO YOU WANT TO BOX
Me: I er I dont mind it bu-
Instagram: ARE YOU INTERESTED IN MAGICK
Me: ok wow rude I'm not that bad :')

even though the jobs were often absolute nightmares im extremely grateful for the many years i spent working shitty customer service jobs because MAN do these skills come to good use when you're cleaning up your dads busted economy

Me literally whenever the funeral director asks me anything ever

ARRANGING A FUNERAL FOR A LOVED ONE

Step 1: Excitement because "it's percfect they would have love it!"
Step 2: Cry because they WOULD have loved it

Repeat maybe forever, who knows

Dads friends text me with their condolences and stories of dads youth and I don't really know how to respond. I appreciate it, but it also feels overwhelming to share their grief and feel how much more there was for me to know about a person who I can't ask anymore.

It really hurts planning a funeral because you want it to be the best farewell but that also requires you to think about so many preferences, likes and memories with the person - and worse, the questions you never got to ask or details you never got to clarify.

You know what fucking sucks? Losing your dad the week of Swedish father's day. EVERY AD.

Dad passed at around 20:30 yesterday, an hour after I'd left to go home to sleep. My brother was with him, we'd just switched shifts and I'd spent the whole afternoon listening to music with dad and talking to him. Dad looked sad to see me go but also happy to see my brother again. We did our best.

We got a call yesterday afternoon that dad was doing poorly. We've been here overnight sleeping in shifts so he won't be alone. Now my brother sleeps while I play dad some of his favorite music. I don't know if he can hear it, but his eyes and mouth are softer now than before.

Also thank you everyone who just responds and for showing your support. This whole situation makes everything feel unreal and like I'm losing my mind and we've been in this state of uncertainty for so long and it's taking such a toll on me and I find it hard to find ways to get proper rest.

Partner has had a super bad cold that Im slowly catching so I cant see dad unless its a "hes dying" situation and my brother is still in denial and thinks dad will be able to talk, move and be like before and it's so exhausting being alone in thinking about the future.

yesterday i got a call from dads doctor who said that dad has pneumonia again, and that after a stroke, surgery and multiple infections it's possible he won't make it much longer and we're back to taking things day-by-day again. Trying to do schoolwork while waiting for The Call is honestly hell.

allt fkn mönster på marmorn gör mig galen och då hatar jag inte ens marmor

This is one of the most painful things for me because I BEGGED him to see a specialist, that knowing if he was auDHD or not could make a huge difference for him if he ever needed extensive medical care and for me and my brother. And he never did. And now we're here and I feel so helpless and angry.

also, undiagnosed npf ppl - if it's possible then PLEASE make sure you get diagnosed before you're old and need caretaking. Dad had several health professionals recommend him to seek treatment but he never did, and I geniunely think doctors would treat his fiddling and anxiety differently if he had.

It's been 2+ months since dads stroke and he just wont get well enough to be able to properly recieve stroke rehab treatments and we're losing precious time and now his municipality health representatives want to place him in a nursing home without any proper rehab options and im just exhausted

I'm sorry for gushing but it's my partners birthday and he only wanted to eat dinner and watch a movie together so ofc I wanted him to choose the movie and he chose Mean Girls because he knows I've wanted to show it to him forever :')

so yeah that whole thing smacked of gender

fwiw i think its awesome. if this had come out when id been a teenager I would've been obsessed. being in a messy situation where I feel a lot of heavy expectations, duty and have a lot of really dark feelings it still hits hard. i hope ppl liked it, i sure do.

I'm watching a playthrough of Silent Hill F and well

for the first time since dad got sick a health professional asked ME how I'M doing and I was so surprised and touched that I started crying on the spot

Extremely good evening - went to a vampire movie quiz (did OK, won a prize), discovered one of my fav beers is back in style, took a cab home bcs I love myself, came home to partner+dog snoring/spooning in unison.

its really geniunely hard to keep up my studies while dealing with dad stuff. it's been a month and dad isn't able to give consent so everything about his care needs to go through me, and also keeping his friends up to date. meanwhile i need to understand information science theory and i suck at it.

Im very tired.

i played ck3 for the first time since i took a break from paradox. i played with my brother, just a simple game playing matilda to show him how i usually play (heavy on stewardship/investment+knowledge/diplomacy approach) and i had so much fun even without that many DLCs - it felt really healing.

its kind of nice because it makes me caught in a media recommendation cycle that i dont mind at all but that i cant really do anything with. i had the exact thing happen to me with Persian weddings a few years ago where i just was in this pleasant IG rec space of being happy for ppl id never met :3

a fascinating thing about my social media algorithms is that there is *something* that makes it assume i'm Indian. Fashion advice? Check out what the hottest Bollywood stars are wearing! Diet advice? Sure, but they're from a completely different food culture than your own. ALSO DONT FORGET DIWALI 🪔✨

doctors strongly suspecting what ive been thinking for a few years - that dad has been in the early stages of dementia for a while. this will of course have a huge impact on his chances of recovery and life afterwards. keep an eye on and talk to your parents, folks ❤️