Bryan Behar

The GOP is in charge of the House

The GOP is in charge of the Senate

The GOP is in charge of the White House

The GOP: “The Democrats shut down the government!”

Cheeto Hitler gave a speech so weird and unhinged it almost made the generals nostalgic for the one by Drunky McAsshole.

I suppose anything is possible. But I’d bet my house that the only person in that room in the Epstein Files was the one doing the pontificating.

When a 91 times indicted, 34 times convicted felon lectures career patriots on “service to America.”

I’m certain this general will lose his job. But sometimes you just can’t help expressing what we’re all feeling.

Could you imagine a roomful of decorated career soldiers having to listen to the rambling nonsense of a draft dodging con man? And they not even be the worst speech they heard that morning.

I’ve been to Portland twice. Did I see “war?” Not exactly. Though one vegan waiter did raise an eyebrow when I ordered foie gras. Does that count?

Cheeto Hitler wants you to believe the streets of Portland are violent and unsafe. I wore a Dodgers shirt in the Northwest and no one fucked with me. The streets are neither violent or unsafe.

I know that the Tangerine Traitor said that Portland was "ravaged by war." But maybe what he meant to say was "ravaged by carbs and fun things to do."

War Ravaged” Portland. Here we were gassing our rental Subaru to escape the front lines.

Here we were entering this famous American “war zone.” It’s a miracle we made it out alive considering how many donuts we ate and how many hard-covered books we purchased.

Just this week alone, Trump’s tried using the federal government to put James Comey in prison, take Jimmy Kimmel off the airwaves, and get Lisa Monaco fired from Microsoft.

Reminder: It isn’t HIS government to use as he pleases.

The Tangerine Traitor works for US.

How’s this aging? Not well.

Tell me it’s “Selective Prosecution” w/o using the phrase “Selective Prosecution.”

Tell me it’s “Selective Prosecution” w/o using the phrase “Selective Prosecution.”

Donald Trump is every snake oil salesman who’d show up in an episode of Bonanza. Nothing more, nothing less.

He’s making America something. But “great” ain’t it.

Weaponizing the DOJ against your political enemies doesn’t make America great.

It makes us just like all the lawless, autocratic nations we never wanted to be.

Using government to settle a personal vendetta against Jim Comey is the kind of illegal act you’d only find in nations we’d go to war with in hopes of installing democracy.

Even his hand-picked DOJ found no probable cause, so Trump kept fishing till he found someone who would punish his political enemies.

He’s taking this Cheeto Corleone act seriously.

Guess who has never had a problem riding the UN escalator?

We should probably make sure the thin-skinned Cheeto knows about this.

As Trump continues ranting about Jimmy Kimmel’s return, I’m reminded that… THEY HAVEN’T RELEASED THE EPSTEIN FILES.

Isn’t the Tom Homan story the same as the Abscam story- public officials, caught on tape, accepting a bribe?

The difference being that story consumed America for a year. And this one’s been swept under a rug in a day.

My hunch is guns have killed more Americans today than Tylenol has in the history of America.

My annual Rosh Hashanah greeting. Shana Tova y’all.

You know, I may not re-instate till I see if they actually stand up to Sinclair and Nextstar…

Things that definitely don’t cause Autism:

Releasing the Epstein Files

The Tylenol story makes me nostalgic for the medically-sound Covid treatment of swallowing a lightbulb, then drinking bleach.

If there’s one thing “The War on Tylenol” has taught me, it’s that we haven’t seen the Epstein Files.