Bob Kostic

The hardest thing about being a paedophile is,

fitting in.

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with the Internet.

Worse than that, my son Google agrees with her.

I saw some black guys spray painting their names on a wall and decided to join them.

I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the shit out of me.

I guess they don't like people called Nigel.

US seized yet another oil tanker earlier today. Due to this, Disneyland has announced they are moving the anamatronic President Trump out of The Hall of Presidents, to The Pirates of the Caribbean.

I've always been too shy to ask the wife upfront to try new things.

So I'm getting Anusol tattooed on my cock.

My dog has been vomiting.

The wife's cooking is even worse than I thought.

I walked in the bedroom to find my wife's dead body laying there on the bed. I looked at her lifeless body and decided to have one more go on her.

Just as I was getting into it she opened her eyes and shouted BOO!

Honestly some people really are sick in the head!

Olympic Update: Trump wins gold in downhill Presidency.

If you only have two hours left to live,watch a Scottish football match.
Then it will seem like four hours.

My wife says she wants our sex life to be like a fairytale.

So I've invited seven midgets to join in tonight

I told my mate I was planning on taking my hobby of shagging my female relatives to the next level.

"Up the ante" he said.

"Yes, and probably the grandma as well" I replied.

A group of UK grandmothers posed nude for a calendar to help raise money for charity.

The charity was the "Wish We Were Blind" society...

Lindsey Vonn's Olympic medal dream has gone downhill

Donald Trump said in an interview; 'I am, by the way, the least racist President you've had in a long time.'

He went on to add; 'Way less racist than that jungle bunny who got in a few years back.'

I went for a walk through the park and I kept on hearing, ' Mark ', ' Mark,Mark '.

Five minutes later I found a dog with a hare lip tied to a lamppost.

Just seen a butterfly with a tattoo of a big fat ugly bird on its wings

Fucking Super Bowl half-time show.

I don't want my kids watching some cross-dressing, Spanish-speaking, horny pan-sexual.

I want them watching real men getting irreversible brain damage.

Just seen some of the images from the Epstein files.

Why was this creep so attracted to girls with big black rectangular faces?

I couldn't understand why it was taking me longer to wash my face.

Then I realised I was going bald.

I went into an Ethiopian gift shop,

"Have you got an I am four birthday card please?" I asked.

"Sorry, " said the shopkeeper, "we've never needed them. "

I'm gobsmacked by the latest release of the Epstein files. Wow, wasn't Sarah Ferguson lucky that Jeffrey didn't reciprocate her invitation to marry her???

Otherwise, she would have been married to a massive paedophile.

I do an evening of stand up comedy and jokes for the patients at our local Hospice every six weeks.

It always goes down very well.

The good news is that I never need to change my act.

"Who's a pretty boy then,?" I said, as I pushed a dry cracker through the bars of the cage.

"I want my mummy," he sobbed.

Poor Savannah Guthrie's 84yr old Mum abducted and no clue where she is now.

Fucking ICE

Woody Allen is in the Epstein files but I firmly refuse to believe he's the type of guy who would actually cheat on his daughter

A guy I know feeds the apes at the zoo using a golf club

He's driving them bananas

What do you call a spider with 10 eyes?

A spiiiiiiiiiider.......

Bill Clinton's latest statement:

" I did not have sexual relations with that child "

I just realised.

Donald Trump kept his copies of his Epstein Island trip videos in the East Wing.

I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason.

What a waste of fourteen years.