George Kaplan

Sassy puff

The FedEx website is a trap door designed to disappear anyone hoping to access customer service. Abandon hope all who enter there.

A broken clock is non-functioning. Twice a day you are reminded of a fleeting illusion.

Dear Canada; I’m single and I’m looking to emigrate, I mean, mingle.
I know what “Timbits” and “peameal bacon” are. I can pronounce “Kelowna.” My car was built it Oakville. I heart Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, Gordon Lightfoot, and Leonard Cohen. Let’s talk.

In her case, we never get to. Sometimes a broken clock is just a broken clock.

Christ on a bike! Did that toad just make pro-humanity argument? She is clearly unwell.

Swimming - the P is silent.

Mortgage fraud again, still?

Do you doubt it?

Roseanne’s twin. Same Thing.

They revel in it.

I feel like this photo of masked, armed men pepper spraying a pastor protecting his community is going to be a defining picture of this moment in America for a long, long time.

But he does slouch.

Blondi is particularly crass, loud, and stupid, a lower order of vile, degrading of herself, of her profession, and of her species.
If you are among the many people who cringe and shame me for my use of the epithet “dumb whore”, I give you exhibit Ahole and rest my case.

Today, in terms of obvious or simple, everything but purple could have been yellow. Thank you, Richard Farina.

If I can make sense of certain groupings, I know the odd leftovers are purple. I don’t remember what today’s were, but that they made no sense to me.

Connections
Puzzle #849
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Thanks, New Yorker

He wouldn't break the law, would he?
You can't believe that he's a toxic troll, can you? Have you been paying attention again?

If? Is he, are we, is anyone of the opinion that this will go well? It's always worse that it looks, and it looks like an impending catastrophe.

Give 'em the 死ね

There’s plucky and then there is importunate.

Unless your first name is Dan, ‘rather’ is a pretentious filler word. It is, as Jean Genet would have it, ‘too too, very very, quite quite.’ Or, per The Commodores, “mighty mighty.”

Makes me crave a sheaf of wheat.

I, too, sometimes crave a soaped-up shaving brush.

That's what they all say.

Some days I’m Wagnalls.
Other days, Funk.

Wordle 1,571 6/6*

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Good gawd

Eyes forward, pervert. Leave the kids alone.

A cautionary tale of prison prospects.
Stay in school, kids. Keep on the straight and narrow path. At least try for a federal pen. I hear they are better if but marginally.