幻者

i forgot about this fucking site. i bet 💽 would spend hours on it accidentally

Oh… you know something is wrong when I realised the way my mom spoke to not only me but us these few days hits home with the lyrics of Dokuzu (Nakiso)

i can’t get up rn because my mom is still at home ffs.

I just needed to yell somewhere sorry oomfs i’ve been keeping the thoughts in for too long

IM GONNA KILL MYSELF /NSRS

feelings and change the subject quickly or cover it up with something funny to avoid it. I am trying to be a good person and I am trying to be someone they can be friends with but as much as I would like to refute, it’s truly so exhausting.

It’s the same way for me too. Which is why I understand.

still exhausting as hell trying to talk to them all the time but they take issue with being told they’re hard to be around so i cant speak up about that because it will make everything worse goddamn it

I don’t even know what to say around them because they’re understandably reclusive about their

Godddd fuckkk I dont know if they’re even trying or if me trying to be a good friend to them in the ways I think is correct is even helping or not or if they even want me to try this is exhausting and infuriating FUCK

If they aren’t trying I understand because they have it mentally rough but its

Okay you’re avoiding talking about it again and did not reply to whatever I tried to say to help, sending something else almost immediately after

Okay sure. Whatever man I understand VERY well I assure you but its also very frustrating

Its so funny how I hate others being overly indirect about their emotions and sadness when clearly they want to be seen but I cant for the life of me be direct with my own or even understand them

Theyre pissing me off again due to a multitude of intricate reasons but we’re talking lightheartedly right now so it’s okay

Maybe if I actually try to listen to them more and respond to them talking about themselves and their fixations and OCs more it’ll work and they’ll be happier

I’m not even going to send this nice image I found of me to them because I know they’re going to reference that stupid meme again and it unintentionally pisses me off because they’ve already done it a MILLION times but I know it’s all in fun so I won’t ruin everything and send it to them.

sometimes it’s scary to get helped and be vulnerable and I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES. It’s a habit. But i can’t stop myself from feeling angry when I make it as obvious as I can that there’s nothing to worry about around me, and yet… okay I just feel angry and feel bad about feeling angry. Sorry.

I want to maintain this somewhat friendly relationship with them and do what I can for them when I can but I don’t even fucking know if they see me or WANT to see me the same way. They always complain about nobody being able to understand them and I am TRYING to be understanding, and I KNOW that

you’ve suddenly made the conversation about yourself when I was excited and sharing with you, and I’m upset about that.” I cant stop myself from being selfish innately, but I’m trying to be compassionate, but I dont know if having these feelings at all makes me the bad guy in the first place.

Like I know… I KNOW. I know some people really cannot respond sometimes and it’s not their fault and they’re tired, and I WANT TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSIONATE. But I can’t stop myself from getting angry, I can’t stop something inside me from saying “What the fuck this is the TRILLIONTH time

It is hard to be understanding and patient all the time when your friend keeps making the conversation about themself so I’m just going to be angry over here.

( I know they’re going through shit and don’t have the words or energy to respond, and they need this, so I don’t expect them to respond. )

lmao

hungry asf bc I haven’t eaten dinner and it’s 1am but I mostly have myself to blame for that

back to suffering in h2 math 🥀

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY IS EVERYTHING LIKE THIS FUCK EVERYTHING

its going to be very bad if i let myself throw that exam but its not going to be ALL over, i don’t need to panic THAT much BUT I STILL NEED TO PANIC.

the future is not going to wait for me. the future is not going to wait for me. time ticks by, regrets mounting, the future receding, the past growing and looming, opportunities disappearing. the future is not going to wait for me…

ah yes there it is. the consequences of my actions!

i was losing motivation to play 🌎 anyway its ok. as long as she doesn’t delete my account everything will still be there

now i feel bad bc i got filafever kasa on that 0.0105% chance during black friday pulls but not oomf who admittedly is a bigger kasa oshi than me…. /not neg

same past me same

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

WHAT