OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL)

No one has better jowls than you Sir

Needles break on contact only

thanksgiving is a vibe!

Just take everything in the front and leave

Because 98% of shootings have been by men, only women should have the right to bear arms. The only way to get around this as a man is to trans yourself into a woman.

Dying at Review Brah wondering why the Baja Blast pie that *he himself just turned upside down in the box in order to read the back* looks all smashed up

It’s gotta be the right beer tho

1 beer is actually equivalent to 6 beers

I love the stuff people will just post online, for free, of their own free will, with no gun to their head

Disagree, email needs more name recognition

jorkin it

Larry David doesn’t thank a veteran for his service.

Going into victory formation at the grocery store

It looks like he’s wearing light-up sneakers and the mic is bigger than him

Going to the doctor and spending 45 minutes in the waiting room filling out forms because I want to solve my boredom

if democrats are serious about winning they need to learn from tonight and convert to islam

True. 9 points and above is mandate territory. When you lose by 8 points or fewer you get to have your own moral victory party in Loser City Hall where you’re crowned the Cope Pope. What a historic night for Cuomo!

The lights keep flickering on and off 16 times exactly

This has inspired me to do a self inflicted gunshot wound

Walking out in the mayoral debate to my intro song: Many Men (Wish Death Upon Me)

Just absolutely shocked that no one who knows Walsh on a personal level wants to engage with him any further than small talk

Going to the Mr. Beast Bank where I have to be filmed lying in a coffin full of centipedes for 24 hours to obtain my home loan

can we all at least agree that no one should ever be criticized for any reason

I can’t wait until we get a president of the generation that was radicalized by not having a fuckable m&m

This is the kind of negativity we shouldn’t endorse in competitive sports

SpongeBob holding the false head of a large fish. It is revealed that there is a smaller fish in the large fish body.

Is that 300% magnified font? Wait I’m sorry, you may not be able to see that.

IS THAT 300% MAGNIFIED FONT???

[army recruitment ad voice] breakfast is calling. will you answer ?

Most people don’t become world renowned at one thing, let alone two. You got to admire that