Cousin Nu’Daq

But you taste better that way!! It really brings your cheesy juices to the surface!!

I COULD LICK THAT CHEESE O’BRIEN ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT!

BUT IT’S GRILLED CHEESE O’BRIEN MONDAY!!! How can you go wrong?!!!

THAT’S NEVER STOPPED ME BEFORE!

How comes these always seems to involves mees?

It’s like some sort of … temporary analomaly.

You’re wenis??

Or like … sorry sir, this is a Wenissy’s.

HE WOULD ONLY DO THAT FOR STRICTLY FINANCIALLY NECESSARY REASONS!

Take them o— I shower in them!

Well … shower is a loose description.

Cuz hoses me down in the driveway at least once a week.

Twice in the summer.

That’s when things get a little bit … sultry.

Oh, wait until you see THIS!!!

*starts taking off boots*

The slippery part.

The wenis for a human and the wenis for Klingons are two VERY different things!

WHUT A CONFUSING VISIT WITH THAT TERRAN DOCTOR!!!!

It truly was a warrior’s adventure into the wild!

A planet on the outskirts of the Beta Quadrant. Shadows and tall trees.

And THEN the next thing I knew, I was being chased by a whole group of Barbaraedens!!!!

There must’ve been a DOZEN of them yelling, “Master! Master!” and blinking toward me!!!

UNDERwhut????!

For anyone who has ever wondered about why we have two.

That other one is just for balance.

Ya know, in case you start falling over when you’re wailin’ on it.

SEE. It is CLEARLY fun for everyone?

Yes. Yes it was. I remember that program vividly!

Keeps me warm on icy Terran nights in Cuz’s garage.

That and my toaster made specifically for Terran hot dogs.

Hey now!!!

I believe it’s actually pronounced “INDECENT”!

This week’s “Thoughts From Professor Nu’Daq,” Director of Student Successness, Ketha Lowlands Community College.

It’s all good — I’m going to take the compost bin, turn it sideways, duct tape it to the front of the Falcor, then have my team of raccoons pull the Falcor around until the driveway is clear as a my butt.

Nothing to it. Raccoon engineering.

#LifeNu’D-hacking

Bring back some of those extra Bolian spiced pickle Doritos for me.

Just when I thought the seasonal Terran snows were subsiding …. WHAM RIGHT FRIGGING BACK TO RURA PEENILE.

SO …

It turns out the Terran phrase isn’t “going shack whacking” …

I learn new things every day.

I can’t believe MeeMaw’s anals have been spoiled again!!

SHE’S GONNA BE PISSSSSED.

AND YOU CAN TELL HER ON MONDAY I HUNGRILY SCARFED HER TWINKIE!!!

WHUT??!

Yes, Mother, I will hold.

Errrr. Yeah. Yeah I know … Shatner Cannon Drydens. He was, uh … like a Terran hockey player or something right?

Had a smackshot with the power of A THOUSAND SUNS.

I think my brain actively protects me when I’m high.

Like normally I might be all anxious that Cuz is gonna yell at me for not cleaning the poo in the yard.

Then my brain is all like, “Naw man, we’re high, we can do that later. This time is sacred and shall be protected like the Hills of Coktahg.”

OH YEAH WELL … frig …

Now I have a WHOLE BUNCH of other questions.

STOP WEARING SUCH SEXY MOUTHWATERING COSTUMES!!!

Thanks Space Coyote!! Heading there now! Feet Admiral Harvey Jim it is!

Well fuck. Now I’m hungry AND horny.