Luke Kennard

God I miss Dawn Foster

I do remember creating the line “mad little winter penis” on my friend’s parents’ fridge, on which I suppose they must have had both the base kit and the ‘erotic’ one.

Q.
A. Thank you for asking, yeah - I got the idea when I was buying £10 worth of Robux for my kid and I thought, ‘There *has* to be some way of applying this to poetry.’
Q.
A. No, it didn’t work at all, no.

Heaven have mercy on us all—Presbyterians and Pagans alike—for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending

At the end George Internet would realise that there’s more to life than the internet.

“Let’s do a real deep dive into why that is”

this is a little video to promote a bigger video of me with some headphones

What is *up*, guys

If Mary Poppins was set today the father would have been called George Internet

Yes. ‘I think what you mean is I should start a podcast.’

It’s maybe the last remaining place that an artist / writer / maker of Fimo miniatures has a hope of reaching an audience and it is so completely terrible.

I know this is algorithmically determined, but for me most of the recommended accounts are of the genre ‘funny things people said up to ten years ago on other platforms when social media still basically functioned’

Instagram is an incredibly linear experience and 75% of the posts in your stream are “recommended” accounts for you to follow rather than posts by the people you actually follow, which is much worse than ads.

Too Gavin Too Stacey: Tokyo Drift

Wait, Theo Von is real? I thought someone made up the name as a joke. Theo De La. Theo St. Theo Mc. Theo Nothingson.

If I got really sick and they were all, ‘Can we photograph the inside of your mouth as a warning to others about the dangers of nicotine pouches?’ I’d be like, Absolutely not, no, ask the next guy.

You now it’s term time when you have to make a “while my kid is at boxing” To Do list

“This Ain’t My First Brodie-o”

It’s all dead, and Substack is like the people who still lived in fake “Roman” cities after the fall of the empire while the rest of us went back to our forests wattle-and-daubs.

This is a hugely relevant point. Publishers can’t rely on artists to do their marketing/PR for them anymore. The ability to reach readers via SM has been decimated.

YES. This needs saying loud and often. SM is broken beyond repair and it’s never coming back.

Unfortunately the same is true for high alcohol beer

It's weird how nobody ever talks about the fact that we all hear incredibly loud discordant high-tempo circus music in our heads at all times

Wealthy People Still Doing Just Fine - The Times

True!

Among the several things I loved about One Battle After Another, I thought del Toro’s denim jacket was a really nice cut

“It’s at least a subtly different flavour of total indifference”

“This year’s longlist asks so many urgent questions such as have you considered trying to write a novel”

Followed by the Never Really Happened For You, Did It? prize

Oh yeah people would fucking know about that I can tell you. Whither your saintly forbearance? they’d ask as I smashed every window in the building