Luke Kennard

The MET have released extreme indignity warnings for the midlands after Luke’s hat blew away

RB is one of my very favourite 21st century British novelists and this is a beautiful take on the memoir I’ve been losing myself in this morning:

😂

You can apply the “aeroplane oxygen mask” principle to everything: make your own lunch before your kids’; get yourself much better trainers than them, etc

Oh is this his one where every song starts with the letter i

Your honour, I refer you to the case of Stop Hitting Vs Yourself

With the intent to ANNOY?!

I think if the official position is that AI is fine we should also let athletes use performance enhancing drugs whenever they want and we should be able to get antibiotics from a vending machine for £1. Also maybe some kind of electronic sandwich.

It’s *MY* new Apple Store. I’m just off to tell my boss to stick his job.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to break this news, but according to an email I just got, the new Apple Store is *mine*

⏳Final week to sign up to the Green Party.

🗳️ Vote for Bold Leadership on August 1st.

Commodore C16, so effectively YES

Short answer 1990, Nathan’s house. Oh Nintendo, the very thought that I wouldn’t remember.

This is the only consumer survey I’ve ever enjoyed

I miss when it was just Tony Soprano’s son who had one and it caught on fire because he parked it on leaves.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop being enraged by how mainstream a status symbol sports utility vehicles have become. Literally every other car you see / struggle to get past on our uniformly narrow roads.

It’s like thinking you can make your own car out of wax. Just don’t do it. Support your local cafe.

Biggest false economy is thinking you can make your own cooked breakfast. You spend about fifty quid, carry all the stuff back from the shop and then you have to cook eleven things at once which is *horrible* and then you have to wash up every utensil you own.

9

In a way it was the first podcast

My parents subscribed to an Abridged Classics magazine that came with two cassettes on the front, so sometimes when I was off sick I’d listen to a *heavily* abridged audiobook of Sons and Lovers

Oh ok, Marge, I’ll do that. And then I will *hug* a *snake*! Yes, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes!

My friend was complaining about the grass being too scratchy and prickly for his feet and I was like, Dude you need to go on the internet and get over-invested in a pointless argument

And Jesus said How likely would you be to recommend the kingdom of heaven to others where 5 is extremely likely and 1 is not likely at all

How much more incompetence can I ascribe to the humidity

I mean, we did, but some of us didn’t listen

I have to get a root canal ☹️ In the 90s we simply didn’t know the risks of eating half a pound of Kola Kubes and Sherbet Lemons a day.

It’s ok, we’ll practice queueing. I’ll get you a big weird snub-nosed pencil.

He says “Cool.”

Just texting my 13 year old