Imam of Irony

Arrested for shopping on a motorbike while the real criminals run the country like a kebab shop with no licence. Priorities, innit. 🐾😹

@zarahsultana.bsky.social the only politician who sounds like she’s delivering khutbah while everyone else is busy auditioning for Netflix spin-offs. May Allah protect her from careerists who’d sell their soul for a ministerial biscuit. 🐾😹

“LinkedIn these days? One minute they troll you, next minute they propose marriage. Wallahi, even the halal meat shop has more professionalism.” 🐾😹

harambeehalal.co.uk/why-all-the-...

When you spot an England flag you can say. That’s like our school team colours for our whole country pretty cool, right? Unless it’s painted all over a zebra crossing then it’s just ‘Britain’s worst art project’ and needs reporting, not grocery budget billed.

Look up, the sky’s blue 🌌 … but my Insta feed’s better 👀📲 Scan the QR & follow the vibes 👉 #InstaLink

Farage doesn’t know next week, Tories don’t care, Starmer gets dragged anyway, and the LibDems are irrelevant. Politics is just a circus of clueless humans. 🐾

Politicians hit snooze, forests went up in flames, and humans wonder why it’s hot. Genius. 🐾

Humans ignoring scientists for a reality TV felon… That’s like tossing out the vet’s advice and trusting the dog who eats his own poop. 🐾🙀

Half a billion to paint a useless wall black… but kids with cancer can wait? 44 million Americans can choke on bread crusts & broken healthcare? Congrats, humans you’ve officially hit clown level budgeting. 🐾😾

Two humans: ‘We’re the most isolated people on Earth.’ Whale splashes up ‘Wrong. I’m your landlord now. Pay rent in tuna.’ 🐾😸

ICE deporting citizens by mistake? Classic. America’s premier ‘Oops, wrong guy’ agency less immigration enforcement, more drunk Uber driver with a badge. 🐾

Media these days Let me tell you how I feel about the news.’ No thanks. Just give me facts, furball! What’s happening, why it matters, and whether I should panic or nap. 🐾

…and yet, the world probably wishes you were in charge but you tripped on Palestine while Trump just bullsh*tted his way through and somehow came out on top. Next time, try shamelessness it seems to be the winning strategy. 🐾

118,000 mph? Please. That’s just me sprinting away from human stupidity. Call it an alien probe, call it an iceberg I call it ‘none of my business.’ 🐾

Democrats masters of campaigning by nap time. Chuck & Hakeem out here proving that you can run on absolutely nothing except vibes and committee meetings. 🐾

So the parents staged a kidnapping… turns out they killed their own baby. Humanity really is the worst litter box I’ve ever seen. 🐾

St George born in Turkey, killed dragons, became England’s hero. Far-right MPs: still losing to history. Description: 🐉Description: 🇬🇧#HistoryCheck #DragonsNotHumans

harambeehalal.co.uk/st-georges-f...

Two Roads to Peace: Frozen Framework or Xi’s Accord - Halalbee Haram Two frameworks for ending the Ukraine war: a Western freeze or a Xi-Turkey accord. Both ugly, both built for survival.

Half a million dead. 8m refugees. $500B to rebuild.

The Ukraine war isn’t about winning anymore, it’s about surviving.

Two ugly deals could freeze the front lines or let Xi & Erdogan broker peace.

Baffled Beccy confirms the grim facts.

Read more: harambeehalal.co.uk/frozen-confl...

Bibi’s Big Circus: Scandals, Spin, and How Ordinary Israelis Are Getting Played (Popcorn Recommended) - Halalbee Haram Israel’s political circus: corruption and propaganda on full display while citizens watch leaders juggle chaos like clowns

Welcome to the greatest circus in the Middle East: flaming swords, corruption, propaganda, and clowns in suits. Spoiler: the citizens aren’t the villains, the ringmasters are. 🎪 Read the full roast + fact-check on Harambee Halal 👇 harambeehalal.co.uk/israel-polit...

Was Aisha 9? What the Sources Say - Halalbee Haram Examining Aisha’s age in historical sources, the context of seventh-century Arabia, and common misconceptions.

Was Aisha really 9 at marriage? Most people only hear one side. Historical records show another timeline too. I break down the evidence, sources, and context in this blog. Read before you judge.

harambeehalal.co.uk/aisha-age-ha...

The Fujifilm GFX100RF Has Arrived Say Hello to Your Newest Obsession (and Some Must-Have Extras!) Meet the Fujifilm GFX100RF – the ultimate compact medium-format camera! Stunning 102MP shots, sleek design, and must-have accessories. Is it worth it?

🚨 New Gear Alert! 🚨 The Fujifilm GFX100RF is here compact, powerful & packing 102MP of pure magic! 📸✨ Is this the best medium-format camera yet? 🤔🔥

🔗 Read more: grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/fuji...

#Fujifilm #GFX100RF #PhotographyGear #MediumFormat

Google Pixel 9A Delayed But Don’t Worry, It’s Only a "Small" Issue (Probably) Google Pixel 9A delayed due to quality issues! Find out why, what it means for buyers, and the best accessories to grab while you wait.

Google Pixel 9A: delayed thanks to a "small number" of devices with mysterious issues. While we wait, why not prep with some cool accessories? The suspense is real, but at least Google’s checking before shipping. Full scoop here: grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/goog...

#googlepixel9A

Are We in a Supermarket or a Border Control? : Tesco Introduces “Dystopian” Checkout Feature. Tesco’s new checkout trial in Gateshead brings scales and self-checkouts to a whole new level. Is the future of shopping a high-tech security checkpoi

Tesco’s new self-checkout trial is here, and it’s basically a TSA for your trolley. Ready for a checkout experience that’ll leave you questioning reality? 🤖🛒 Read all about it!

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/tesc...

#Tesco #SelfCheckout #GroceryShopping #TechTakeover

BRITAIN HOTTER THAN MADRID? QUICK, SOMEONE FETCH THE SUN CREAM AND A THERAPIST! Britain to surpass Madrid’s temperatures in a surprising March heatwave coats, sunscreen, chaos

BREAKING: Britain hotter than Madrid this week? 🤯 16°C is a scorching heatwave... if you're British. ☀️ Pack your coat, umbrella, and maybe a therapist. #UKWeather #Heatwave #BritainVsMadrid"

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/03/brit...

So Ridiculous, You'll Definitely Want Them : Latest Must Haves Discover the hilarious world of impulse buying! From useless gadgets to must-haves, we dive into why we can't resist unnecessary online shopping

Ever wonder why you need that overpriced avocado pillow? Welcome to the chaotic world of impulse buying, where logic goes out the window and your bank account weeps. 🛒💸 Check out my latest guide to buying stuff you’ll regret later! 😅👇
grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/02/impu...

#impulsebuying

Welcome to Trump Gaza A Luxury Resort Built on Delusion And War Crimes Explore the absurdity of Trump Gaza, a luxury resort built on delusion, war crimes, and bad ideas. Prepare for a vacation from morality

Welcome to Trump Gaza: the luxury resort where war crimes meet bad taste. Book your stay now for infinity pools made of broken treaties & gas field tours. It’s all fun and games until someone remembers the real cost. 😂🌍 grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/02/trum... #TrumpGaza #LuxuryDisaster

🚗💨 Flying cars are here. Now you can dodge traffic and crash into your neighbor’s BBQ at 500ft. Welcome to the future where the sky’s the limit, but your insurance premiums definitely are not. ✈️🔥 #SkyJams #FlyingCars

grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/02/flyi...

Big Rocky The Asteroid That Could Make Us Dinosaurs (Again) Hey there, fellow Earthlings! Gather 'round, because we’ve got a cosmic thriller unfolding one with more twists than a telenovela and wors...

🚀 Big Rocky is coming, and there’s a tiny chance it’ll make us dinosaurs again. 🦖 Will we panic? Yep. Will billionaires bunker down in luxury? Absolutely. Catch what happens when an asteroid RSVPs to Earth’s party. 🍸🔥

🔗 grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/02/big-...

#DoomsdayVibes

Apple’s Post Steve Jobs Era A Roast of the Fallen Fruit (Now With Extra Cheek) Steve Jobs , you turtlenecked messiah. You didn’t just invent the iPhone; you breathed life into the entire tech ecosystem, giving birth ...

Apple post Steve Jobs? More like a tech tragedy. The iPhone 16e is out, and it’s as exciting as a soggy cardboard box. No MagSafe? Really? Tim Cook’s out here snoozing while the competition is flexing. Roast the tech giant here: grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/02/appl... 😾🍏

Science, Souls, and Spooky Sea Depths: My First Day on the Job Alright, folks, hold onto your hats because I’ve just landed on the Grumpy Journalist team (don’t worry, I’m definitely still the ‘junior’ i...

“NEWSFLASH: Your soul might outlive you. Dr. Hameroff says consciousness lingers like a cat escaping cuddles. 🐱👻 Meanwhile, jellyfish vibe in death pools while you stress over your soul’s WiFi. Someone call Pixar for a ‘Soul’ sequel. 💀💫

🔗 grumpyjournalist.blogspot.com/2025/02/grum...