norman

I watched Wayne’s World with my mom and youngest sibling a little while back. I told my mom “when I was a teenager, I thought that this was what my life would be like, and now as an adult, honestly this is pretty much what my life is like”

I have an acquaintance who asks me to be his wife twice a year and I fear that this might be one of those old timey love tales, where 50 years from now I’ll be telling our grandchildren how he wore me down

just got hit with a classic three y “heyyy” who does this guy (man I slept with casually under no implications) think I am? Some kind of slut (I am, and the text will work on me)?

happy thanksgiving I just ran into the guy I used to buy acid from in college at the bar where I brought my friend working thanksgiving leftovers from my moms house

gotta convince my boss that every customer we have is in massive nba fan so she’ll by league pass for the bar (me)

bartender stopped in his tracks, turned around and walked up to me as if to share a secret, and told me that ground beef was on sale for half off at our local hyvee

Yes, I’m a slave to my whims, my pussy is wet because I got a beer and I’m listening to the band loverboy

how do I convince the lady at the Chinese restaurant I’m not crying because the food is too spicy I’m crying because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fall in love again

sitting at the diner, I’ve been good about eating at home so I haven’t taken myself out to breakfast in a while, the waitress remembered my usual order, very sweet

YouTube video by John McCarthy Reeling In The Years

I had not but now I’ve entered a new rabbit hole youtu.be/XMGX8HBqMgg?si=l8VP_qmKLPGoewG4

my goy roommate listening to Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof for the first time “this is just like HAIM”

saw one of my distant (not really sure distance wise, maybe third) cousins on Facebook and her baby is ugly

guy at the bar today had a tab with the last name Mulcahy and when he asked to close out I remembered and was like “Mulcahy, right?” And he was like “oh wow you pronounced it right that never happens” to which I said “oh yeah, I’ve watched M*A*S*H” and he did not laugh

I just had a (more or less, situationship if you will) breakup conversation where I couldn’t stop burping

I’m soul crushingly hungover

sounds like you’re in a jam champ

I’m not a religious man but if god favors lover boys I’ll be getting some tonight

I can’t help that I fuck dudes that have to work early

the forever big baller move is leaving with someone to bone then coming back afterwards

game show network just played this episode of jeopardy

needed a visual aid to explain something to my very not online buddy

I screamed “noooo” out loud when my roommate texted me that Ruth Buzzi died

I have a crush on the guy who works at the bank 🫣

seems like a good day to do this

he said he wasn’t feeling well (hungover) so I went with my homeboy Stephen

my weird former-lover-but-we’re-still-friends-but-it’s-complicated and I have been hanging out a lot - anyway I just asked him if he wants to go see Revenge of the Sith with me and I hope he says yes

turning on brown noise then looking at my phone instead of going to sleep like taking NyQuil and slamming a redbull at the same time

same brother

I am going to a Chinese buffet tonight and I am extremely jazzed

I’m not gonna drink because the pope died but I’m not permanently going on the wagon I’m just on an antibiotic that will kill me if I drink alcohol (bummer but that’s life)