16-BITtyKITty

Just got done with my first session, and it went pretty alright; just basic getting to know me and the reason why I'm there kinda stuff. I could have been a little more open, but it's going to be a little longer before that happens; I'm going to book another appointment. One day I'll wash my dishes.

I got a therapy appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I'll admit, my expectations are low, but I'm still willing to try. All of this is self-inflicted, and I'm the only one who can fix myself, so I doubt therapy will actually help me. I'll take it as a win if it motivates me to wash my dishes, though.

I wish I wasn't tired all the time. I'm tired of sleeping though everyday instead of living. I want to look forward to waking up. I want the motivation to wake up. I want to enjoy things again. I wish I could stop tearing myself apart. I wish I could stop hurting myself. I just wish I was normal.

Back to sleeping the day away

My body feels like static

I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA EVER!!! I've been sleeping twelve to fifteen hours everyday for over three months now, so what if I just don't sleep? If I never *go* to bed, then I can't *stay* in bed! My conclusion is that if I avoid rotting away in bed, then my depression will go away!!!

Finally took a shower for the first time in four days :D

I'm just a gross, disgusting, greasy little rat that clawed its way out of the sewers.

I regret waking up this early. My head hurts. Work was even more unbearable than usual. Not worth it. Give me my fifteen hours of sleep please.

Thank you!!!! I only slept for ten hours :D

I DIDN'T SLEEP IN 'TILL NOON TODAY!!!!! I mean, I woke up at 11:59, but that's still techincally morning!

I'm becoming numb to my coping mechanisms, how cooked am I?

Going to work everyday while watching my mental health further decline

I MOVED UP IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!! I DISCOVERED UNCRUSTABLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's only been a day, but I'm really nervous about being rejected again. I know therapy isn't some magical cure that'll make my life better, but I did have to fill out a questionair and I made the effort to be honest and vulnerable; so it will be hella embarassing if I was declined again.

A ham sandwich?

So, a hotdog?

A burger specifically?

I can't tell if I'm chronically exhausted from being depressed, or from only eating a bowl of cereal everyday for the past two months

I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TODAY I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TODAY I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TODAY I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TODAY I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TODAY WE'RE CLOSED TODAY AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORK AND I DON'T HAVE TO DO MY JOB AND I GET THE DAY OFF THIS IS SO PEAK NEVER KILL YOURSELF LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I just sent in a referral to a different place. I'm scared of being rejected again, but I guess it is what it is. Therapy is overrated anyways. I don't need it. I'm fine. It doesn't matter.

Guess who went to work today. At least it fueled me with enough spite to draw for the first time in a while; go, my shitty ibispaint ame-chan clown

What if I just didn't go to work tomorrow lmao

I don't even know why I got so worked up over it. Therapy probably wouldn't help me anyways. I don't need it. I'm fine.

What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? I'm so fucking disgusting.

My appointment got declined. I'll never get help. I'll never get better. I can't fucking take it anymore.

I still haven't gotten anything from them. My session is supposed to be tomorrow. I'm scared that they won't take me. I'm scared that I don't deserve help. I'm scared that I can't be helped. I'm scared thay this is all there is to life. I'm scared that I deserve to feel this way.

What if I can't be fixed? What if I'm just destined to be broken and useless? What if I'm just a problem? What if they blame everything on me? What if it's all my fault, and no one can help me? It is my fault. It's all my fault. I fuck everything up. I was a mistake. I'm so fucking worthless.

Sent in my appointment request for a therapy session, and I'm really nervous. What if they reject me? What if it doesn't help? What if they tell me I'm actually fine, and I'm just wasting their time? I don't know if I could handle that. I don't know if I can handle any of this.

I don't know what I'm hoping for anymore