⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆

one month without my baby. got him fresh flowers today. 🤍 everything hurts and i miss him with my whole heart. still don't understand why things had to go the way they did. still wondering if we made the right decision. still the love of my life.

i looove gh0st-types sm 🤍🤍🤍 gh0st, drag0n, f4iry, dark, and poison are my faves!

a cartoon character is standing on a tiled floor in a room ALT: a cartoon character is standing on a tiled floor in a room

happy p0k3m0n day!! who's your fave? mine is m1m1kyu!

I'm full of so much doubt bc I work in a cr3ative field as a gr4phic designer and have some pretty big name brands and am always SO scared that I'm fucking up royally but I guess this is imp0ster syndr0me??

My boss is incredible idk what I did to deserve this job, but I'm just gonna be grateful 😭

My boss gave me an $8 raise today and I almost burst into tears 😭 I didn't even get a chance to ask for the $3 I was initially going to, he just said I was such an asset and going above and beyond even though I'm going through a terrible time rn (but he also told me to pls take a mental health day)

was looking at mealsp0 and th1nsp0 on p1nterest again though and i wanna lock in so baaad. my bones poked out so much more when i was eating less, even at higher w8s. i also miss the community here and on p4ncake

all this grief has me eating so much and moving so little. i wish i was an emotional starver

had to write a love letter to dogs for a v-day project for a client and tomorrow, valentine's day, marks two weeks since i lost my baby. was too mentally exhausted to make it perfect, even though i wanted it to be. i don't want to write something heartfelt just to sell shit at the end anyway

getting pierced hurts more than i remember but it was still chill. i have a high pain tolerance. thinking about what to get next already lol

got my second tragus and another helix bc i don't have the anatomy for a daith 😔 i got one piercing on each ear, so i can't sleep on my side. cookies were delicious btw but def not helping me lose looooool

impulsively got pierced today and made cookies at like 10pm

best friend lost her dog too. brother's gf lost her dog as well. had to replace all my tires. not able to save any money. starving myself. work is overwhelming and demanding. paranoid everyone around me is going to die too. can't stop myself from repressing my emotions. physical pain. tired

my dad's not doing well physically and mentally. his mom's not doing well (Alzheimer's). my mom is depressed and exhausted. my other abuela is depressed. my brothers are depressed. my parter is exhausted and miserable and is doing their best to hold it together to take care of me.

i just wanna lay down and sleep forever, i'm so tired. i'm so so so tired. everything in my life is so overwhelming right now and i'm reaching a breaking point. i miss my baby boy every day. i'm sad i'll never see my aunt again. i'm scared thinking about who's next. i feel weak and tired

almost had a panic attack today over the sheer amount of fucking stress and paranoia and depression and fear and misery running through my body that i'm unconsciously repressing every second i can. i just started fucking breaking down and shaking. i've never had that happen before

cried myself to sleep the night he left us and wished to hold him again. my wish was granted today. you're smaller than you've ever been, but the space you take up in my heart has never been bigger. my sweet and beautiful baby boy. 🤍 you are so loved. we all miss you so, so much. we're still crying.

i love being pu3rto r1can 🙂‍↕️

one week without my baby.

so tired. thank you to everyone who reached out and left sweet comments about my baby. tomorrow is one week, and i'm still not prepared for a life without him. i have my moments where i'm okay. i have my moments where i cry. i still love him in every moment. i still think about him every day.

i'm forever lucky. he's mine all mine, and my love for him is mine alone. if you've lost a baby too, i hope you find comfort knowing that no one else will have that same love--it's yours to keep, and is so special. it's just for the two of you. 🤍

this is my sweet baby angel by the way 🤍🤍🤍 i'm so glad i get to bring more of him home. i miss him so much. he was a little prince who got everything he wanted and i would give him the world all over again if i had the chance. life will never be the same without him.

THEY WERE ABLE TO GET MORE OF HIS FUR FOR ME 😭😭😭

i think i might be able to get more of my baby's fur, i'm so afraid that i'm getting my hopes up but i was called back and they said the crematorium team would be in contact with me about my request and any additional costs, so that sounds to me like it's still possible. i need this so badly

they haven't called me back but please please please god please give me as much of my baby boy as possible. if the universe wants to take this much from me at least give me this. please. should i ask for his bones? will i even be able to handle that? i think they grind them up with the ashes

nothing feels real. he was in my arms when they injected him and he was still warm in the end. he didn't feel heavier. he was normal, beautiful, perfect. i don't understand. but i called the company today to see if i could get more fur if he hasn't been cremated already. please god give me more fur

i dont know how the sun could still shine today without my baby boy in this world

we just put my dog down. my baby who i raised since he was a puppy, my whole life, my love, my little baby boy. my heart feels like it's shriveling up and dying. my chest feels like it's going to cave in. this decision never feels right. i'm hysterical. that was my baby. i love you so fucking much

My tía passed early this morning. Sweetest angel who would give you the shirt off her back. C4ncer is so evil, but so are the people who scare others into avoiding treatment. She might still be here with us had she undergone ch3mo.

Miss you titi, te quiero mucho.

Genuinely if I had hit either the iguana or the raccoon I would have fucking lost it. Neither time was it my fault but regardless if I ever hurt an animal I would lose my fucking mind, even moreso with all this shit going on.

That said, again, I am so fucking numb so who knows!