Voodoo, or Reni if I know you...

Three bites of food. And I had to force myself to do that much. Welcome to the reality of cancer treatment.

When my health levels out, I'm taking A on a food-and-booze trip to New Orleans.

There is something helllllllllla comforting in hearing an entire crowd screaming FUCK ICE as they walk through the city.

In between crying jags, I'm trying to set up a dashboard for school using Notion. May the ancestors smile on this lil girl and her fifty eleven walk-throughs. I feel like this is for the STEAM girlypop, and ya ghoul is S T R U G G L I N G

Yesterday was the anniversary of the passing of a friend (and the only person who's been able to commiserate about the cancer treatment nightmare). Four years. Friday will mark five years since my grandmother passed.

Welcome to ugly cry week.

with just my toes sticking out. Said toes feel like they're burning from the inside out while simultaneously throbbing.

Cancer is the WOAT, y'all.

NICHE (hot dogshit) AILMENT OF THE DAY: peripheral neuropathy. What that means is that my toes hurt. Just my toes. But it's a pain that NOTHING EASES, so it's also obnoxious as fuck. Right now, I'm under a blanket and a heating pad (overhead fan is on, but that's for air circulation)

UPDATE : Dx made aware that this situation is fucked up. Appt is now canceled and presumably being rescheduled.

Back to setting up my Notion dashboard for school.

Love getting a text message about a chemotherapy appointment in three days. That I was unaware of (though I clearly asked for my upcoming appointment schedule when I was in-office last week). At 8 AM. At an office/hospital I've never been to. Half-an-hour away.

a cartoon of a chef with a needle in his mouth is playing at 4:32 Alt: a cartoon of a chef making a kissing motion

I couldn't. It's so terrible. Like, yay an unhinged, prepared villain. But that's not enough to carry the film for me.

Big ups to the actor who played Art the Clown. Mans' face acting was

a man in a suit and tie is making a funny face with the words whyyyy written in yellow Alt: a man in a suit and tie is making a funny face with the words whyyyy written in yellow

THERE'S NO 2X SPEED OPTION... WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?

a woman is making a funny face while wearing a blue tank top and a watch . Alt: a woman is rolling her eyes while turning her head, wearing a blue tank top and a watch

We stan a prepared king. But otherwise, I'm about to put this on double speed just to be done...

Watching Terrifier for the first time. Yes, really.

The number of times I've said, MA'AM, IS YOU GOOD? in the last half hour is making me wonder why so many people told me this was a must-watch

bubbles from the powerpuff girls looking through a magnifying glass on a poster Alt: Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls looking through magnifying glasses

I used to be so cool. Now, I'm excited to make an eye appointment (though to be fair, the need to update my prescription is verrrrrrrrry apparent between the headaches, eye strain, and back-and-forth to find where I can see my phone)...

a man drinking from a carton with a straw through his mouth Alt: a man drinking from a carton with a straw in his mouth

Not my favorite outcome and I'm not sure what it means going forward, but I get a break from the steroids (and hopefully a little sleep because I'm cranky and very nauseous) for a bit.

Like, lower than I can recall in a long while - if ever. One of the nurses came to tell me that it's too low for treatment. I get a few days of injections to help with bone marrow production and we try again in a weeks or two.

The first round of "bad" numbers...

At pretty much every cancer appointment, I have blood drawn - especially since starting IV treatments. I half-look at the results because it's gobbledygook but there are charts. Today the cell counts (I know those ones) were low.

Today’s tragedy at the Dallas ICE Field Office shows how dangerous anti-immigrant rhetoric has become. Words that dehumanize don’t just poison politics — they fuel violence. My thoughts are with the families who lost loved ones as we work with officials for clarity and accountability.

me : TIME TO WATCH GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES!

me, three minutes later : nope nope nope... Time for Over the Garden Wall...

So I'm 99% sure that the pain is post-treatment side effects. Little bit of muscle pain and weakness like before (when I was in the hospital) but not to that level.

Do I power through or stop treatment?

BEDBOUND AFTERNOON AGENDA IDEAS :

* try to get through a little bit of hiragana
* practice Korean (especially verbs)
* finish this damned book
* update Trello board
* look at course info for fall
* hydrate
* restart Cult of the Lamb and save this time
* nap so I don't scream at all of downtown

looks like a great day to be bedbound because the neuropathy has taken over both legs from the knees down... since roughly 4 am...

Still in pain, now with additional cranky...

welp... finally got a few hours of decent sleep, only to wake up in pain that doesn't make any logical sense... *sigh* looks like it may be a long day today...

Very much the vibe! I came out of school with a degree but I've been winging it. Now imma put in the hours 💪🏾

a little girl is dancing in a room with the words yes ! imgplay below her Alt: a little girl is dancing in a room with the word yes!! below her

GUESS WHO JUST ACED THE FUCK OUTTA THEIR APPRENTICE INTERVIEW?!

I'm a blend of both. I grew up with conjur, but during my teens I read a lot of everything about different flavors of witchery. Some stuck, but most was too obsessed with very Eurocentric history, theory, and practice for my comfort.

Oh! No, not THE community. I just mean the small circle that I learned from in my pre-tattoo years!

It looks like it's just you and I. But that's not a bad thing

One would think. I was blessed and fortunate to learn from my elders (and it's strange to think that I guess I'm an elder now?!?), but there are always going to be things that I don't know. I miss having a community sometimes...

I adore you so.

ALSO! Why is there such a lack of fellow conjurfolk on my feed? It's shameful...