GREASETRAP

It’s fucked up how you suddenly notice the lyrics to every shitty ass song on the radio when you’re heartbroken

Please don’t rake leaves outside my trailer, this stress is immeasurable

You ever accidentally let the algorithm do its thing and end up watching an enemy’s story and feel like you just gave up years worth of territory

You know how people say to not pick at your skin when you have a bad pimple?? That’s all bullshit. There’s nothing more satisfying than popping a fucking ripe ass pimple, and don’t let these skincare gurus lie to you

*refuses to click on or read beyond the first three words of any news article* TRUMP AND ZELENSKYY ARE ENGAGED!? STFU CONGRATS YOU TWO

Homie and I made plans to go hiking this morning but with me being the ride, got entirely shit sleep but decided to power through and be a responsible person, ten minutes into the drive to his place he texts me to cancel so he can “sleep in” goddamit

Bro like

Are apps getting more annoying to use or am I officially becoming that old bitch

Dude smoking a cigar leisurely at the stoplight gets it

About to send a group text to a bunch of randos who don’t know eachother with no clear theme

New Year’s resolution to not be a p-p-pussy (Walt jr voice)

Hands are cracked like a two year olds iPad

I’m gonna lean into using keychains hard this year, I want bitches to be scared when they hear that jangle

You should be able to buy a Big Mac at the Walgreens pharmacy drive thru