Sock row tease

Who wanna play rock paper scissors ?

✌️

*Seemed like a good idea at the time*

Them " have you seen stranger things?"

Me *shows them my Bluesky timeline*

I like to untwist my sausage... Give it a good squeeze and make it enormous....

But... That's just me

Retweet this if you actually did fuck around and find out.

Quick to the point, to the point no faking, cooking MC's like a pound of tofu

V for vendetta guy in his guy Fawkes costume flipping some knives in a gloomy alley

When it's time to carve the turkey at Goth Thanksgiving

She.... She.... Deleted her account... I must have gone in too hard

Mhmm 😜

You're eyes look blank and expressionless... Can we date?

Unless this ends with somebody dead, then I’m not interested

if I'm being honest my musical taste is best described as "good"

Her: be a dear and-

Me, sees headlights, freaks out and runs away:

Two single-bed mattresses propped against a wall in an alley. They're slightly bent over, resembling two people having a quickie.

Memory foam never forgets your favourite positions

I'm good, I'm great; I'm half asleep, my mind's awake

Binge breathing.

Camelot still sounds like a seedy bar I'd entertain my time in

Mmm.... You positively rich in vitamins

Best bit of advice I ever heard?

There are NO horny singles in YOUR area, DYING to MEET YOU ?

Who wants a raspberry on the belly?

i come on here and say stupid stuff bc everything is stupid including me

so what if I unplugged your life support to charge my phone AITA

like sand through the hour glass, so are the days of bluesky

I’d follow you back, but you’re not naked enough.

I ponder the words of a great poet laureate that once said

" Your ass is a spaceship I want to ride"

Buttholefly kisses

Sorry I'm late
Was hoovering my fridge

#morningsky 👻

See you on the other side bitches

* Crosses the road carefully *

Skeet so good it got 17 views