Alan Wrench

Remember remember the fifth from November

The drunk driving caucus lives on

At the diner by my house and they’re playing Miles Davis, I’m about to cry into my home fries and mimosa.

“Who let this single guy into the club?”

Shasta Mc-Who?

The cool thing about being depressed at the end of summer and not being able to eat is that I’m going to look like a sexy beast in short shorts and a four sided long sleeve/hockey jersey this fall.

Working a wedding party right now and there’s a lot of white line dancing to the Cupid Shuffle right now.

I’ve never felt so connected to a character when Peggy Hill sang Enya while having a panic attack a hospital.

Now that Hangman is once again the People’s Ace I hope he brings back this look.

Hangman is OUR ace.

Restarting my duolingo practices just so I can say “Stop touching my hog!” in different languages at bars I go to.

Sounds like a perfect research specialist hire for Guys. “Hey Owen, I need you to check the web for Magic The Gathering Guys”

The second half of this night is so bad that even a Stone Cold segment was hard to stomach.

Paul vs Styles: Loser can’t use slurs anymore match.

Waiting your whole career to main event WrestleMania just to have it end up being mediocre

2016 Bryan coded

I’ve noticed how the cybertruck that used to park near the bar I work at hasn’t been around for the past few weeks.

The proud, the few, the doormen.

I’m about to convince everyone at the bar tonight is daylights saving so I can close early.

Sir, you are over fifty. Why are playing Imagine Dragons on your phone in my bar?

🚨 ALL OUT FOR WORKERS’ RIGHTS! Tomorrow in D.C. show up and show out!! 🚨

Nothing quite like puking in freshly fallen snow

Since getting rid of Facebook and cutting back on social media in general, I miss all of the Street Fight Sweeties.

Eveytime I come back to this account I have a new Carrie Underwood account following me. Bluesky really is more polite.

It’s karaoke night at the bar down the street from my house. A Beatles Guy is talking to me.

There’s a Grateful Dead night at the bar I work at tonight. Everyone is impressed by my knowledge of Dead “Culture” and it’s totally because of Guys.

There are far too many people in sweat pants in this bar right now.

DG NEW YORK HARDCORE BEST WRESTLER

Sadly, several of their artists have been in ska bands before they got twisted

Hangman/switchblade could happen every ppv and I’d be happy