rev

i really do scare myself sometimes
am i really becoming bored of my own identity to a point where i rearrange myself into a new identity every two weeks?? i just don't understand myself sometimes man

oh my god my legs are actually killing me this is not my day

i think rwby has left more emotional damage on me than i have realized

but the sucky thing is is it was very delayed so i'm not even sure if it was actually rwby or if i'm just feeling sucky

that actually does sound rly cool......

might check it out

my lesbian senses are tingling who is this what is this

i can't believe i relapse just like that after over a year of being clean

it's not that i'm upset with myself more just annoyed cause there really wasn't a reason for relapsing i just did it.

but part of me is disappointed and for what.

it's whatever it's a good thing it's a good thing. i shouldn't feel upset just cause i can't leave a mark of what i do to myself. i shouldn't be doing this in the first place it's stupid

TW // SH MENTIONS PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION.

i hate how my brain works.
i should really not be disappointed that i don't leave any marks. why am i disappointed.
logically i'm glad i'm not strong enough to bruise myself despite being able to push past the pain

i know it's probably not me and they're just paranoid but why does their paranoia win over my continuous reminders
have i really not proven myself enough i don't understand

i know i don't feel real to myself but is it really that hard for people to have faith in me.ᐣ

i always prided myself most in my loyalty so why do they always think i'll leave them for every little thing i don't understand

i'm not leaving them why do they always think i'll peave them
am i not trustworthy.ᐣ.ᐣ do my actions feel disingenuous i don'g understand anymore i don't get it
i feel so sick today was so mentally taxxing it went up and down and i'm so tired i can't breathe

why is this happening i feel sick

never kill yourself

i don't wanna be alone right now but i don't want to talk to anyone i don't want to do anything i just want to go away

people acknowledge me all the time theres people that love me and care about me and it's still not enough why is it never enough why do i always have to resort to thinking like this why am i fucking like this

i was doing better i swear i was doing better but one stupid thought and now i'm back to this gross way of thinking about using myself as something just to get attention. why do i always objectify myself like this like some thing to just hurt just for any ounce of acknowledgement.

sometimes i'm glad the people that would want me to talk to them about my problems can't see my alt. they'd be so disappointed in how fucking disgusting my way of thinking is. if not that they'd just feel bad for triggering it.

i'm sorry

i feel sick

why does everything i do always have to be for attention. i don't understand myself.

i don't trust myself with this anymore. the more i think about it the more i just idealize doing it and i feel disgusting for even venting about this publicly instead of somewhere more private cause even now i get the feeling i'm only doing this for attention

maybe i'm just triggered by other people talking about it. maybe other people mentioning it makes me want to do it just to feel included in whatever the fuck they're doing to hate themselves for later. i feel so gross for being like this for considering doing stuff like this just for that.

i really just don't understand why i think the way i do sometimes

what is wrong with me like genuinely why do i think like this i'm glorifying something so serious just to feel good about myself

i hate having the stupid urge to actually go back to doing that because what if i actually go further this time just to feel special for myself just to feel fucking included in something thats not how that works thats not a good reason to do it so why the fuck do i wanna do it just for that

i just don't get how my brain works sometimes i feel the need to be special or pathetic looking and for who? myself? i would never tell someone i actually did it so why the fuck would i do it

i don't even do any serious sh i always do really ame things (besides basically starving myself just cause i 'don't feel like eating') so it's so not genuine and i feel like i'm mocking people who actually sh but it's like i hate thinking about relapsing because literally why would i want to do that

tw// sh mentions please don't trigger yourself by reading
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i feel so self centered whenever i think bout relapsing just because i 'like the way it looks' or just wanting to do it to feel included like it's so fucking stupid.

TAPS THE SIGN TAPS THE SIIIIIIIIIGN

someone followed my alt urm SCREAMS and like it's another alt but idfk who this is like hi who ARE YOU WHO ARE YOU