✨Asra✨

My toxic trait is thinking I could wrap my car myself

Also, related to my last post.
Dont send unsolicited weewee photos to anyone. Its gross, noone likes getting flash banged by your unnaturally bent dong and unclipped toenails in the same photo. Keep it to yourself ❤️
Thank u

This is a post for straight men only I fear

For the love of god, if you get the opportunity to CONSENTUALLY send someone a dick pick, STOP HOLDING IT LIKE IT OWES YOU MONEY. Christ sake, have some FINESSE with it, damn.
Its not a crime to feel yaself a little my dude. Get it together

Had a brekkie of greek yogurt with apricot jam and honey. Husband’s soup is cooling on the stove. The iPad is charged and ready for doodles. We are manifesting cottage productivity babyyyy

I opened tiktok this afternoon just to be greeted with exclusively leon kennedy thirst content
What the fuck is the internet ON today

*young me, developing a strong sense of justice*

This is gonna be great, what an asset, this will never drive me insane

WIFE: i think the baby is coming

HUSBAND: but your not having any contractions

WIFE: *you’re

HUSBAND: oh god

I am a very delicate soul, please step on my neck while you jerk me off.

They lost the receipt so they couldnt return me ❤️

Why do they call it the Epstein List and not the Encyclopedophile.

An orange cat wearing a bronze colored scrunchy around her ears like a crown, making a silly squinty face like she got a little cat facelift.

What a gal #cat

IT'S OK TO LAUGH AT S CHILDREN FALLING OVER (as long as they don't hurt themselves too badly) "I'm a doctor, and laughing at children falling over is the only thing I still enjoy."

psa

Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.
Rap*sts cannot be reformed.

probably the biggest tell that i like someone is when they talk to me and steam starts coming out from between my legs like a teapot

Siren Sisters

marilyn, 1953

#caturday since I keep forgetting to post my dummy
Look at this dingus, this absolute buffon. A baby

Make soy sauce thicker

God I fucking love rice. Its delicious, versatile, cheap, great for upset tummy, soft and warm. Theres literally nothing better than rice dude Im obsessed

When you take a vacation while your constituents are drowning that’s called a Ted Cruise.

Is a yeast infection just…. athletes vagina…?

*sees the sun getting lower in the sky*

*stretches*

welp, time to put on my night boobs

Every dick pic looks like a hostage situation where the dick's family is running out of time

Welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fuckin bugs #upperpeninsula

Easy and WAY tastier for any application. And it doesnt get all curly so you can put it on sandwiches easier 🤌

meme format where a man from an anime is looking at a butterfly and asks if it's a pigeon, but instead the man is Americans, the butterfly is labeled "basic human rights” and the quote is "is this communism?"

probably a good time to bring this back

Oven bacon is the most elite bacon cooking method and I will not be taking questions at this time

Welcome to Wisconsin, were right now I am sitting on my gray cloth car seats and it feels like putting my bare lil cheeks on a lit grill

Jorkin on my peanits like u wantin me, callin me 🎶