the damned don't cry

again my flaw is not just walking away and accepting that they're unruly cretins for whom there is no recourse but a muzzle. But i. Don't like making people feel bad. + It's like a gambling addiction bc every 1/5 times they WILL just listen when i set a boundary

im not trying to be an asshole but i physically cannot cope with what u are trying to do/say and I just want u to STOP instead of having to rudely walk away completely. It's not my fault ur so fucked up and unlovable that u can't respect boundaries

"I WAS OFFERING TO HELP!!!!!!!!" AFTER I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU 9 TIMES THAT YOUR "HELP" WOULD GREATLY UPSET ME

my only flaw was literally ever being considerate of these people

Well. Savings be damned. I think i will actually be purchasing a piece of metal

Wow well i REALLY don't recommend reading about the horrific murder I just retweeted a post about.

Meanwhile i was going like 20 max lmao

I looked away from the road for 3 seconds with those headphones in and it was over. donesies. I'm just now hours later finally starting to feel just slightly like i didn't actually kill someone but wuff

I was driving home and made the HUGE mistake of putting 2 earbuds in for 30 seconds even though i knowwwwww it makes me paranoid that i'll miss some warning. Well buddy i can't tell you how sure i am i killed someone

The thoughts won today. damn. i forgot they could do that

Suuuper close to going nuts w ocd paranoia tbh

so it's like cool. My only coping skill today is "button that makes you feel so sick you're too busy to freak out"

Idk what it means, but every time my body does this, it seems to mean "don't drink. It won't work." If i try to drink anyway I almost always get super sick almost immediately and not get drunk at all.

And now i'm getting hit with a huge wave of nausea. eeeyuck.

i just feel so bad and so stupid. I just want to be able to function and contribute and i can't and it makes me so upset every fucking day.

Fuck it we stay mustering our last shreds of neuroplasticity to mount a last ditch effort to form basic emotional maturity & individuality

Lately I kept revisiting those BPD feelings from my peak instability era (16-20). Wasn't sure why. But I think I needed to connect it to its source and feel it as it was supposed to be felt 20 years ago

I'm sitting here rlly connecting to the all consuming fear you have as a young kid when ur parents are withholding safety & affection from you.

Damn. my chest hurts and it feels JUST fucking like it would when I had "full" BPD episodes. I feel ive just ripped off a very old bandaid

switching accounts isn't easy enough that im gonna actually use this when im unwell. blah.

Just heard a LOUD ass cicada ? Maam i am so sorry but you are EXTREMELY late

trying to figure out how to navigate this godforsaken app while im freaking out. God i'm all like sad and nervous