An impromptu squirrel Haiku:
Furry little friend:
Why run? Those seeds are from me -
You pea-brained dipshit
16.03.2025 22:27 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
My dad always used the spoonerism for “You’re a smart feller!” to “You’re a fart smeller!” 🤭
07.03.2025 13:03 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Yeah that never worked for me.
07.03.2025 13:00 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I…CANNOT…bring myself to watch Comrade Trump’s speech tonight. His voice alone - he could be reading Shakespeare for all it matters - unsettles me…
05.03.2025 01:43 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
03.03.2025 05:24 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
…do you take requests?
03.03.2025 05:23 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
you always did look cute in those 70s gym shorts.
03.03.2025 05:22 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Out of the mouths of babes…
03.03.2025 05:18 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
His hair was PERFECT
03.03.2025 05:17 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
This…is how you treat a fellow human being who is a patriot simply trying to save his country from an unjust land grab.
02.03.2025 02:41 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I thought that when I saw him. He looks like he’s outside the principal’s office waiting for his mommy and daddy so they can find out if he’s just getting suspended, or expelled.
01.03.2025 23:10 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
In the immortal words of the great philosopher “Tater Salad”…
“…I don’t know how many clamps I have, but I know how many I’m gonna use…”
01.03.2025 23:08 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Follow me here:
If you boycott sales on a specific day to make a point, only to (I’m guessing) just buy that stuff on another day…what have you accomplished??
01.03.2025 03:52 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Do ideas have mass?
28.02.2025 06:12 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
A revelation (pardon the pun):
Trump WAS in fact sent by God. It’s in [my own personal interpretation of] the bible [and the bible IS the word of God], wherein Isaiah 11:6 says “…and a little child shall lead them…”
…and he is.
Praise Be…
28.02.2025 06:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
…by Archibald Leech.
26.02.2025 14:08 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
It’s a cabal triumvirate of autocrats who are sworn frenemies: Kim, Putin, Trump.
“The past [is] alterable. The past never [has] been altered. Oceania [is] at war with Eastasia. Oceania [has] always been at war with Eastasia.”
14.02.2025 23:49 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Friends (Romans, if you’re listening),
This morning I bring you alarming news of apocalyptic proportions (well, 1.12-pound cylindrical proportions, but let’s stay focused people!):
There’s a ?supply-chain issue affecting the availability of Ovaltine.
Please shelter in place until further notice.
09.02.2025 16:08 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Think how we feel. At least you’re in - ya know - Canada.
03.02.2025 03:26 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Why is Ginger Ale not ale, but Ginger Beer is beer? 🤔
02.02.2025 16:14 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Black History Month begins: enjoy it while you still can…
01.02.2025 14:42 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king; the palace becomes a circus.”
Turkish Proverb
01.02.2025 01:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
This is my Islay. The best damn non-human friend I’ve ever had (and - yes - up until 05/17/21, I was a devout dog person).
29.01.2025 03:35 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
…smells like…Teen Spirit.
29.01.2025 02:21 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
No…
29.01.2025 02:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
(you probably figured it out already, but I didn’t really use “Squeaky McFluffernutter”)
29.01.2025 01:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Soooo…now what? 🤔
29.01.2025 01:09 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
