David Strathdee

- All social media accounts from the last 5 years - All your biometrics: face, fingerprint, DNA, and iris - All your phone numbers from the last 5 years - All your email addresses from the last 10 years - IP addresses and metadata from your submitted photos - Names of your family members (parents, spouse, siblings, children) - All your family members' phone numbers from the last 5 years - Your family members' dates of birth - Your family members' places of birth - Your family members' residencies - All your business phone numbers from the last 5 years - All your business email addresses from the last 10 years

NEW: Five years of social media history is only a fraction of what the US Government will shortly demand of overseas visitors.

The full requirements will end tourism in the United States.

Below is the full, mind-blowing list.

🚨THEY. WANT. YOUR. DNA.🚨

1/

Huge M1 pot hole discovered.

YouTube video by gsmokeyjoe 12 Days of Christmas by Jeremy Lion

It's the most wonderful time of the year, as always. www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy79...

Stealworkers

oh hell yes. all of these rats are making room for us on the ship

My fiancée needs a Switch version of this like yesterday (and a release date!)

“If you’ve got autism or ADHD just get into the habit of setting loads of reminders for yourself”

The reminders:

Also one of the only Nintendo games ever to be released in Europe before any other territory.

Oh my god, that looks beautifu-FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS

Screenshot from the film Die Hard. A digital map of Floor 30 of Nakatomi Plaza, with an arrow showing the current location of Holly Gennero.

Why do we never talk about Nakatomi Plaza having a frickin 1980s Marauder’s Map in its reception desk, tracking its employees every move?

No idea

no idea

I can’t believe I’m just noticing that Alan Rickman’s character in Love Actually has definite Julian Clary energy.

Gonzo and Rizzo leaving before the final act of Muppet Christmas Carol is a great example of setting boundaries when your job causes you undue stress. In this essay I will

Screen grab of Taskmaster where Nick Mohammed is walking towards Alex Horne. Nick is dressed like Dracula. Alex is standing next to a wooden wall with yellow gloves sticking out. There's a big puddle of water in the frame, and we can see Alex's reflection but NOT Nick's, because Vampires don't have reflections.

In S17 of #Taskmaster, Nick Mohammed dressed as a vampire for his tasks. The production scrubbed all his reflections when he's dressed like this, but the only way I knew is because someone told me about it. It's subtle and very cool.

To do list:
✅ Dad

A claymation whale ornament. The base reads “bye, buddy. Hope you find your dad!”

Imagine seeing this on a Christmas tree and not knowing it’s from a movie

We just accept it because it’s always been this way but ‘Ringo Starr’ is a bonkers thing to call yourself when the other guys are John, Paul, and George. It’s like having a band where everyone else uses their real name and then the drummer goes yes please call me Crackers Creamsworth

A photo of some old fashioned weighing scales. There is a human heart in the tray. I had to change the position of the pointer to reflect the weight of a human heart. Caption, between musical notes, ‘But the very next day…’

Last Christmas I gave you my heart…

BBC News headline: “Edinburgh Airport suspends all flights after IT issue with air traffic control”

Damn killer clowns ruining Christmas again…

So much fun. Great final gig of the year.

See y'all in 2026, comedy peeps. 🥳

It's probably gonna be Shadow the Hedgehog and get a 0% on RT, but if they blast "I Am... All of Me" in the cinemas I am going to weep manly tears.

Get your tickets here!

Less than an hour until I make my Coherent Comedy debut! Still time to get a (FREE) ticket and join us on Zoom at 8pm! 🥳

Adorable graffiti on the underpass reads: 'Knoledge is Power'.

And now for some of my very favourite Smol Paul moments in no particular order, starting with the first ever yeet

Fiancée: “It looks like it was built in The Sims”

Showed my fiancée and she said “it looks like it was built in The Sims”

Let this be the motto of the AI movement.

Spending the evening at a delightful Christmas market in Hampshire. They’ve got a brass band! Ooh, I wonder what carols they’ll play?

MacArthur Park, New York New York, and the grand finale…

…If Tomorrow Never Comes.

😐