los 🦦

i’m training 😁

def a psa

partner?

might have to film you to get a good perspective

i feel attacked

i like my mushroom grow closet better than bluesky because although it’s not funny, it never said it would be.

oh, i wouldn’t dare compare

Another morning. Another ignore things I need to be doing.

crying out “medic!” like in starship troopers when i get a papercut

crip moonwalk DO IT

you’re not fooling anyone, burns

i, on the other hand

Not to sound like a total dick but I really am a total dick

the ultimate podcast

"How To Learn Something New And Podcast It" podcast

time to learn something new and podcast it

DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS: [seeing that the president has begun a genocide] okay, how can I profit from this too

rippin' kimchi-fueled toots

The more complicated your coffee, the more complicated you are.

Listen, I don’t make the rules.

hotel california implies the existence of hotels named after the other 49 states

you ever feel like you got beat the fuck up in your sleep

sorry i didn’t text you back; i clicked “close all tabs” in my brain and forgot everything i’ve ever known

doing a reverse mid-life crisis where i do things that help affirm and accept growing older like slowly becoming weirder and witchier but also wiser

[3:12 am]

brain: hey wake up let's think about everything

me: what do you mean by everyth-

brain: I SAID EVERYTHING

pls join me for my 8hr live twitch stream where i will stare at a wall and sigh

*rage colors a picture of a rainbow and flowers then crumples it up and nicely hands it to you

My ex said she'd love me until the end of time, which turned out to be about 3 months.

Steinbeck: What did you think of my draft of 𝘖𝘧 𝘔𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘢𝘯?

Publisher: It needs more characters.

Steinbeck: I'll see what I can do.

anyone up for a naked hula hooping contest

Try our stool samples..bar equipment store.

Called my cat a “dumb dick” this morning. If you were wondering what the vibes were today.