Raquel Squelch

The side effects of getting genetically modified to become a dog give me pause, but the anal gland squeezing potential leaves me conflicted.

Hands at 10 and 2 as we speed toward the bridge abutment

Tusk is so dear to me, just unusually good in a world that isn't. I'm honored I get to be his friend

💕

Tiles come and go but this is an absolutely abysmal set of bone. I can't believe how unlucky I've gotten recently. That's okay, I've been redeemed with the bamboo but dadgummit I just want a 論

What the hell, sure.

Another damn year?!

A side by side comparison of Miss Maggie the Yellow Lab. First photo is of her as a puppy on her "got you day" 12/23/20. The second photo taken today, five years later, to show how much she's grown

Happy Got You Day to my sweet baby love bestest friend Miss Maggie

You can pipe your icing on my cookie if you wanna

My resolution is to remain a curmudgeon, I mutter, extracting myself from yet another candles-and-prayer-hands chatroom set up to see in the new year.

Hey are we still supposed to write thankyou letters for all the gifts we got cos I think I forgot the last 35 years

New Year's Eve should be the day we all decide to dump our leftover drafts out onto the timeline.

People arguing over who is the best nobody.

Shot of the ocean it’s a head and shoulders above the water in the foreground and the fin of a diving whale in the distance.

that’s one long mermaid

thanks for the best wishes where can I cash them in

My nickname back in driving school was unofficial parking space because I'd get all huffy if someone else's car was in my thoughts even though they're public and undesignated

I’ve had my nose to a grindstone. That shit is tedious man and you'd better keep some water in the trough

I'm going to stay here, tucked into 1989 where it's safe. You go on into the new year without me

💕

What’s the best way to attach a flaming 2 lb bag of dog shit to my new drone I got for Christmas and will the added weight limit its flight range?

Not to rain on your parade, but it's gonna rain on your parade

Me: [giving directions to a tourist who drove in from Indiana] Look buddy, I've lived here all my life, I think I would know if we had a "Rose Bowl" lol wtf even is that?

I must venture out into the cold tundra this morn. Why? For friendship. I must let my car warm up before I start driving. Why? For grandpa. I must put lotion onto my hands. Why? Foreskin.

I definitely was 💕

🐧

I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.

A text that says Stop saying nipple

POV you’re the only non-mom in the group chat