LORD GOD EMPEROR.

> LE: Watch fail videos and belly chuckle really fucking hard.

TIME'S UP BITCH.

YES THEY WILL. THEY WILL LISTEN BECAUSE ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T WILL PAY THE PRICE WHEN I EVENTUALLY DESTROY MY PODCASTING COMPETITION.
AND ONCE THEY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LISTEN.
I WILL DO WELL ON MY PROMISE.
AND THEN I SHALL TAKE WHAT WAS PROMISED TO ME.

OK. YOU KNOW WHAT. I AM GOING TO FORGIVE YOU. FOR HAVING A DISABILITY OF THE EARS AND EYES. BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I DON'T GIVE EVEN A MIRCOCOSM OF A ZERO DOT ONE PERCENT OF A FUCK. ABOUT HOW OTHERS POD THEIR CASTS. AND TO SUGGEST THAT I MIGHT. IS EVEN MORE INFURIATING.

OH GOD. I ALMOST FORGOT. THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE TO TALK WITH CITIZENS. IF I WANT TO BE A *PROPER* INFLUENTIAL FIGURE.

I WILL DO THE MOST HONORABLE THING A MAN CAN DO. FOR YOU. THAT'S RIGHT. THE ONE WHO IS READING THIS.
IF THE MONOLITHIC AEON-SPANNING HOE KNOWN AS JANE CROCKER DOES NOT STOP HER FEMALE MEDDLING, I WILL STEP IN. AND ELIMINATE THE SCANDALOUS EMPRESS MYSELF.
YOU HAVE MY WORD!
AND, YOU HAVE TWO DAYS.

CROCKERCORP IS AN UNEQUIVOCAL SHAM.
YOU SEE, I HAVE BEEN READING. AND ABSORBING MANY IMPORTANT THINGS.
NONE OF WHICH RELATE TO CROCKERCORP. HOWEVER. IT IS CLEAR TO ME. THAT YOUR SOCIETY IS NOW UNDER THE ENGORGED HOOF OF A RAVENOUS, CIRCULAR PIG. SO HERE IS WHAT I'LL DO.

HELLO DIRK. I WANT TO POD A CAST.

THE FIRST PART OF ESTABLISHING ANY GOOD POLITICAL BASE IS BY BROADCASTING YOUR VOICE. THROUGH SOME SORT OF POD.

I MAY EVEN DO SOME. "DEBATES." BECAUSE I VALUE THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS. SO VERY, VERY MUCH.

WHY DID THEY MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT A GREEN WOMAN. WHO IS SCORNED FOR BEING EVIL.

THEY SHOULD PRODUCE A MOVIE LIKE THAT FOR ME. EXCEPT I AM MORE RELATABLE AND DO NOTHING WRONG. OH WAIT. THEY ALREADY WROTE A STORY ABOUT THAT!

YOU KNOW WHAT. I THINK I AM GOING TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT.

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YES. LAUGH AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. AT MY TINY HEAD. RELATIVE TO MY STOLEN FUTURE BODY.
WHAT YOUR UNDERDEVLOPED NON-FLASHING EYES DON'T COMPREHEND IS JUST HOW FUCKING
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> LE: Loom.

KILL EVERYBODY YOU DISAGREE WITH.

OH MY GOD. DIRK THOUGHT HE COULD TORMENT A SPECIES BETTER THAN ME. I AM ACTUALLY CRYING RAINBOW TEARS.

NO. YOU TERRIBLE FRAUDSPAWN. I HAVE DONE IT ALL. EVEN IF I, AS A SINGULAR CHERUB MAN WERE NOT PERSONALLY INVOLVED, I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU AS WELL.
AND OF COURSE IN MY ALL KNOWING AGONY, I HAVE TURNED MY LEGITIMATE SPAWN INTO MY USURPER. HE IS THE THING THAT IS STOPPING ME.

I WAS JUST INFORMED THAT I STILL HOLD TOTAL DOMINION OVER REALITY. WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO DO ANYTHING.

> YOU'RE not sure why?
> You feel as if you need to explain for a moment. The extent of your power.
> That power being. The fact that you are LORD fucking ENGLISH. And that you are damn sure why you suddenly feel a dark presence.

> COME OUT.
> YOU CANNOT HIDE. IN TEXT BLURBS.

KILL ALL FISHMEN.