Lord Finai

Sometimes I wonder if my friends are avoiding me, if maybe I'm just a problem. If my existence is just wrong, IDK, probably not, but sometimes, I wonder if it would have been better if someone else existed in my place.

I’m usually not too hyper fixated on the terms and services stuff, except for when I’m applying for a job, then it’s different, then I’m super focused on them to avoid agreeing to something stupid.

IDK how obvious it is that this is a trama post. It also isn’t just honesty with me, if you shit talk someone behind their back, I’m not going to trust you. Honesty and integrity matter to me.

Okay, just learned about the “Vtuber Ovulation Tracker” and just got the say, the name alone being what it is kills any thought in my mind that it wasn’t created as a weird sex thing.

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same with how I view my friendships but they’ve helped ground me.

Sometimes I have nightmares that the people I think of as my friends actually hate me. I’ve been friends with them for almost a decade now and they both noticed when I was being overly cautious about our relationships last year and have helped reassure that I just need to calm down.

Well, it's defiantly been over a year now, I've come to realize I should have left a long time ago for myself. People were being talked about behind their backs without me even noticing and the one that I did notice was so blatant and a violation of something I view as sacred. I should have left.

I just thought that the original interpretation seems pretty relevant right now.

I just realize something while watching Terminator 2. I started thinking about how AI first started being depicted as evil and how it was in Dune. But more than that, how the original interpretation wasn't that the AI was doing the evil, but that evil people were using it to control others. cont.

"Battleships" LOL, I bet he wants a fleet of propeller planes for the air force too

Just passed all my classes, I’m a college graduate now

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve love, that my being in love was a mistake and I'm tricking my partner by being with her. That she deserves more than I can provide and I'm selfishly holding her back from living a better life.

There's just those times where you feel supper depressed and just hate everything about life, having that right now, it's probably because I was on such a high earlier and now I'm at a low after giving some things some thought

To this day I still watch stuff like Return of the Jedi, not all the way through mind you, just like, there are certain parts of the original Star Wars movies I watch just for how the music mixes with the story so well.

Imagine valuing your friendships as one of the most important things in your life only to learn that some of the people who you considered as your friends were talking about you behind your back. Hard to forgive is a massive fucking understatement.

Been playing the remaster of command and conquer, was playing it on hard but GDI 5, I got 2 of the GDI 5 levels done on hard, then it broke me. Learning Nod spawns tanks in the fourth mission of GDI 5 solidified my switch to normal difficulty. Had to engineer rush to complete that one.

I just spent 10 fucking minutes in a drive through in front of some ASSHOLE that had his high beams on the entire fucking time!!!

This technically makes it far less impressive, unlike my major aspect of time which, being a major aspect, is an active effect instead of a passive effect, so to say. Tome’s aspect of love/sex and space is the same,she can consciously change space, but people getting freaky around her just happens.

A goofy little lore fact, while one of my aspects as a deity is victory, that aspect applies in general. Aspects of purgatorial divinity aren’t overwhelming, even if the victory only applied to myself it would just make victory more likely. What it means in actuality is that SOMEONE will win.
#Lore

It’s selfish to give up, to stop fighting, every moment I make the lives of the people around me better is a reason to keep going, to keep fighting to make them happy. I will be better.

No one deserves to suffer just because I want to try to be a normal person. I know I’m not, that I’ll never be, but as long as I don’t hurt anyone, I just want to pretend. Sometimes I even forget it’s all just pretend. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I didn’t, if I was just alone.

I’ve been particularly careful this last year, I don’t believe in blaming my disorder, it was my fault. It’s my responsibility to be mindful of the problems it causes and work to negate them, it’s my responsibility to fix my own defects, if I can’t do that, then I don’t deserve friends or love.

I may not be able to feel emotions the same or understand how exactly others feel, but that’s no excuse to ignore those things if I do know. One of my greatest fears is hurting those around me by ignoring their thoughts and feelings.

I was just thinking about how my disorder manifests, it’s not that it’s impossible for me to figure out someone else’s emotions it’s just very difficult and my assumptions are usually wrong (I’ve been told). But, if someone is open about their emotions I take them seriously, cont.

Got kicked from a discord for posting this on the 21st a couple years back. If you reading this, and you are the only person who’s ever done that, go fuck yourself you miserable cunt, what a fucking looser.

I've spent too long of my life focused on all the bad aspects, all the negatives, I feel like I need to be better, I need to focus on what makes me and others happy rather than what makes me and other's upset, not to say I'm not going to stay socially conscious though, just focus on the other.

#philosophy #friendship #interpersonalrelationships

If you do keep it to yourself it should be something you can let go of, which is also important. Healthy relationships require the ability to converse freely strict avoidance of conflict in a relationship will leave it to be surface level and banal. Difference of opinion is far more beautiful.

If you want to have a positive relationship with another person you can’t completely avoid conflict, disagreement is natural and even the best of friends don’t always see eye to eye. At the same time not everything is worth having a discussion about, it’s equally valid to keep it to yourself.

I feel like my recent life experiences, and my personal analysis of them, has led me to develop a strong philosophy about interpersonal conflict. That being, if you disagree with a person you need to either work it out with them or keep it to yourself, ideally the first.