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Oh I’m not worried about that lol- the phrasing is just killing me

While I was out at lunch my boss apparently needed me to reset her iPad

I’m sure there’s been a time when my “heart skipped a beat” but not nearly as many times as my brain skipped a think.

However, several studies do suggest that multiple species were fans of Carly Rae Jepsen.

DINOSAUR FACT: research has shown that there are no species of prehistoric dinosaurs that considered themselves “Swifties” due to the fact that they went extinct roughly 65 millions years before her first album was released.

🥹

Are you saying my masseuse is lying to me

Kind of obsessed with how every gay local news meteorologist I’ve met has been a huge slut

He hates doing squats call him glute intolerant.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Wait their mom is wasting an opportunity to start a solo music career with a debut album called The Jonas Mother

257. The Commission recommends that all Member States: (a) Employ all means reasonably available to them to prevent the commission of genocide in the Gaza Strip; (b) Cease the transfer of arms and other equipment or items, including jet fuel, to the State of Israel or third States where there is reason to suspect their use in military operations that have involved or could involve the commission of genocide; (c) Ensure individuals and corporations in their territories and within their jurisdiction are not involved in the commission of genocide, aiding and assisting the commission of genocide or incitement to commit genocide and investigate and prosecute those who may be implicated in these crimes under international law; (d) Facilitate the investigations and domestic proceedings and take action (including imposing sanctions) against the State of Israel and against individuals or corporations that are involved in or facilitating the commission of genocide or incitement to commit genocide; (e) Cooperate with the investigation of the Office of the Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court. 258. The Commission recommends that the Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court: (a) Examine, within its continuing investigation in the Situation in the State of Palestine, the crime of genocide for amendment to existing arrest warrants and addition to future application for arrest warrants; (b) Examine the involvement of officials mentioned in this report for inclusion as those most responsible for international crimes committed in the occupied Palestinian territory.

Today, the UN officially designated Israel’s assault on Gaza as a genocide.

As a party to the Genocide Convention, the U.S. has a legal obligation to obey our own laws, stop weapons sales to Israel, and demand a permanent ceasefire.

End the genocide. Ceasefire now.

Side hustle where I feel the rain on my skin for you. I can actually feel it for you. I can also let it in.

you’ve improved so much- I’m so appointed in you, diva 😍

For everyone talking about Charlie Kirk’s political stances PLEASE AT LEAST REMEMBER: you need to be saying it all in the past tense now. 🥰

No that’s the spin-off Step Brother and the camera are only in the bathroom and laundry room

It must be so satisfying to have a last name that starts with W and put “dubz” in a username. Fuck that must feel great.

“Ok but this is so you vibes!!” and it’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen. (they’re correct)

Btw I don’t think people realize she only started making music as a side hustle. “Sabrina Carpenter” was a nickname because she builds houses full-time.

Mars trying to act like her gbf in front of Vulcan:

Do straight men know we can tell they’re trying to walk slowly to look aloof at the gym? Diva, just get there it’s ok.

Deleted all the apps again.

-me telling my friends I ate all the calamari ordered for the table while they were in the restroom

Somewhere, some conservative CEO’s nephew is sweating BULLETS, frantically asking ChatGPT and Grok how to make a realistic deepfake video because he lied on his intern application about being an expert in AI.

I’ll always be appreciative of Lana De Rey because there isn’t any other music I’d want to play during viral videos of disheveled looking pets

it’s weird that they chose such a pale cover up for his hand. My guess is he wouldn’t stop licking the original shade because he thought it was peanut butter.

Life must be so hard rn for a strictly monogamous lesbian couple who were both named Polly and loved to, as a bit, introduce themselves by saying “hi we’re Polly” 😔

What if downdetector.com went down. WHAT WOULD WE DO

We need a Twilight stage musical but like the Mary Martin Peter Pan so it’s always an adult woman with a pixie cut playing Edward.

Got a Dutch Oven at an estate sale for $12 yesterday. Looked it up and it’s worth $270. 😮‍💨