Mel Mackey

Notice how I blocked someone without writing a creepy manifesto to my followers about why? Very demure, very mindful

If I never want to have kids can I just add my potential maternity leave to my PTO? Or just take the first day of my period off for the rest of my . menstruating life?

Getting triggered and having to operate life normally must be how zombies feel when their guts are falling out but they keep on limpin' forward

I have to get to work an hour early in order to get a parking spot. If you only show up 30 min. early you have to park a mile away and I've been told that that walk is not paid. So anyway capitalism is going GREAT.

Upcoming Comedy Things!

Hear me out - a song called 'Thoughts and Prayers' to the tune of 'Boats and Hoes'

Are these feelings of crippling inadequacy from going off birth control or daylight savings time or a secret third thing?

The new bride urge to challenge all family and friends on basic human rights issues to narrow down the wedding invite list

Annnnd we're back.

I have now leveled up to switching between "the government is trying to kill me and everyone I love" and "OMG I JUST GOT ENGAGED YAY FOR LOVE"

I hate that I just have to keep switching between "Hey the government is trying to kill me and everyone I love" and "Hey come to my comedy show!💃🏻"

💛💛💛💛 you always make me feel unique and valued!

10. I know just enough about a variety of topics to be a good addition to a trivia team.

9. I curate a damn good playlist

8. I can type faster than most people who make more money than me

7. I have planned over 200 weddings and I think most of those couples are still together

6. I am great at deciding where to eat even though I hate being the person that does that.

5. I invented the "spray perfume on the back of your neck so you smell good when people hug you" trick

4. I can hold my liquor in a way that impresses people

3. I can still do a cartwheel at 32

2. I will always be the first person to contribute to a group activity and I diffuse that awkward silence like a boss

1. I write a damn good email. Good news? Bad news? Asking for something? I got youuuuu

Growing up, I was very much conditioned to understand that I am not (and never was) conventionally attractive. I did the therapy about it long ago, but those feelings of unworthiness are back in full force, yo.
So here's a list of things I like about myself that have nothing to do with my looks

Doom spiralling at a bar by myself sipping whiskey. They've got Bob Ross on the TV and it's helping.

"Oh cool you're a singer??" - most men who see this photo.

My friend Ian took this dope ass pic of me at my Lonely Hearts Show and I love it 💛

Going to work hungover and hoping nobody talks to me.

SOMEWHAT RECENT

It's a great day to remind you how to fall on the ice.

Step 1: ARMS UP DONT REACH DOWN
Step 2: THROW THAT ASS IT'S YOUR BEST CUSHION FALL ON IT. EVEN IF YOURE FALLING FORWARD DO A LIL TWIRL AND SQUISH THAT BUTT
Step 3: take a moment to breathe, laugh at yourself, and get up slowly with grace

How many Super Stressed Sighs ™️ should a person make in a day, on average? I'm up to 7 right now.

Things to do for Valentine's Day in Des Moines? How about a little comedy show the Sunday beforehand? Maybe a burger and a beer on top of that? Maybe all that lumped into one ticket so you don't gotta think??