Aleks Arcabascio

I’ll never get the hype.

Sandals are just shoes doing the least.

I, too, would like to “eye” this “pic”.
In a theater.
Make the movie, cowards!

What’s wrong babe?
You’ve hardly touched your rat beer barrel float.

I will not bend my arm in a weird way to reach something on my nightstand and trade two seconds of convenience for two months of rotator cuff damage. I will not bend my arm in a weird way to reach something on my nightstand and trade two seconds of convenience for two months of rotator cuff damage.

Umm, okay Apple. Harsh.

Robot vacuum cleaners really need a kick-activated “get outta there!” feature.

Damn, Lorenzo sure liked stories about flying things.

“Don’t leave the fridge open! You’ll let the cold air out!” = boring, ignorable, I ain’t afraid of cold air.

“Don’t leave the fridge open! You’ll let the monster out!” = terrifying, has my attention, would’ve 100% convinced me as a child.

Why so bashful, password field?

People with muted Instagram stories… you got some embarrassing family members, too, huh?

Recently revived 19th century literary editor, still catching up on popular culture here, but…

To what was “ *NSYNC ” a footnote?

I, for one, think it’s SUPER COOL that AI has ushered in a new generation of spambots (in my texts, my email inbox, my social media and voicemails), but NOT a new generation of spam protection for all these services I use!

“One Battle After Another” Orientation Week, Day 1:
Paul A. and Leo D. attempt a trust fall

Musician who plays exclusively classical swine music: Sounds like a challenge.

Bugonia?
I hardly even know ya!

I suspect my opinion matters to them somewhere in the realm of zero point zero zero dollars. Any doubters?

Damn, Adam Sandler could’ve prevented so much agony if he had only just cut those gems!

When the ad is technically accurate,
no matter the price.

Temu Sesame Street

In Sweden they pay with Svenmo.

Left to my own devices,
I’d probably look at my phone.

Look at him handling that brush.
Another frustrated artist settling for a money job.

We don’t give Paul Thomas Anderson’s parents enough credit for his success. They named him PTA, one of the most dreaded of institutions, so he HAD to work hard to overcome that, making him into the cinematic legend he is today. A modern day Boy Named Sue, if ever there was one.

Just thought toilet paper would’ve gone all digital by now.

I envy the emotional rollercoaster of the first person to exclaim “Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs!”

Cus at first they’re like DEVASTATED, by SOMETHING (POSSIBLY round pasta)

But THEN they must’ve been hit by an intense sense of pride at the iconic catchphrase they just coined.

Why aren’t there more haircut emojis? Why’s it just this one? 🤯

Psst… DMV photographers put oil on their lens to make your photo look extra greasy. Pass it on.

Long fingernails on the floor:
- eww
- gross
- a fricken horror show

Long fingernails on a hand:
- stylish
- elegant
- French, even

I have waited over TWO HOURS,

I was assured MULTIPLE TIMES it was “coming”,

Yet, STILL — no Vengabus.

I rewrote this post so many times none of the original one even exists anymore. How’s that for a Ship of Theseus?