Three tiny Robs in a trenchcoat

I hope in 10 years urban explorers are posting eerie pics of data centers like old shopping malls left alone and abandoned to rot away in time.

DOCTOR: The news is bad. It may be time to put your affairs in order

ME: [awkward whisper] Dude, my wife is like, right there.

My body holds 2 people at once right now. I have 2 heart beats. I am a Time Lord

Now time to get back into the US, unfortunately

Probably just me, but blacklights have a more of a purple/ violet hue to them.

Confused florist for flourish so I spent the entire job interview spinning my katana like an idiot. 45 minute long sword act and they wait til the end to tell me.

I've had France24 on in the background for a few hours.

100% wall-to-wall coverage of Iran.

Not even a five-minute aside to address the Epstein 'philes.

They're just so dumb it physically hurts sometimes.

Like fremdschämen on a logarithmic scale.

I've been using the "mute" function more and more recently.

Same team, but fucking hell do you have to copy/ paste the exact same thing to every comment?

You're not helping. You're pestering. And annoying. Go away.

I saw a comment the said we aren’t “angry enough.” But all we are is angry. Our veins circulate it like acid. It cracks our sternums. It poisons and paralyzes us. We hiss and spit at each other, all impotent, helpless rage.

We don’t need more anger. We need more direction.

Growing old is that moment when you find yourself laying down on the bed to put your pants and socks on, and realizing "wait, didn't I always do this standing up? How long have I been doing THIS?

Does anyone actually do the breakfast/ lunch/ dinner thing every day?

Like, everyday?

And then there's the whole pooping aspect.

How much easier would life be if you didn't have to poop?

I disagree. Pink Himalayan sea salt is food. And, according to the label, is 200 MILLION years old.

But the other label says “best before August 31”

So there’s that.

A fluffy black and white little in some tall grass. Her mouth is open bc she is meowing

groucho in the grass!

Me, tugging at that one weird eyebrow hair that always grows like 1" long:

"Why won't you die?!"

Where in the hell did that "maga-curious" label come from? I've been seeing it for weeks and it's SO stupid and cringe.

Knock it off. Just stop.

I never knew that was the origin of "now watch this drive."

Makes sense now.

Crap, I gotta bring in my watch guy to advace them all from the 29th to the 1st. I hate February.

Skipping the 31st some months is no issue. But 29th, 30th, AND 31st?

No one's got time for that.

So cool!

Have a great trip.

Man, your comms team SUCKS at reading the room.

Just go away, Chuck.

I will play that funky music for you.
However, I see no reason for you to reference my race or gender.
And I think doing it until you die is excessive and I will not be a part of that.

More good news for Bruce Springsteen's Land of Hopes and Dreams tour.

There is nothing friendly about a bigger and stronger bully country “taking over” another sovereign country. I hate being a part of the bully nation. We used to be the country that helped others. Now the bullies keep everything for the super rich who are happy to support the bullies no matter what.

I haven't been paying too much attention to it. So I might be wrong.

The entire world turns angry on Elon Musk, Tesla sales tank. So Tesla is like "what? We make robots...."

Okay, Rob. You only need to do this one VERY important thing today. Cool?

Trust me I got this.

*fast forward 14 hours*
I think there was something important I was gonna do today

You were married to one, George

Fucks sake.

Those kids you've been raising are going to be pretty angry when they realize we've had the cheat codes to literally every single game we've ever played.

I like James Talarico.

I love Jasmine Crockett.

Sorry.