Dennis

You should put "European Elitist" on your business cards/in your e-mail signature.

Leave me alone, my doctor just had a word with me about my kebab-based diet.

Is there a club for people who want to make a soup but it turns out to be a stew? Because I feel like I should be at least the vice president or something.

Total cultural victory for white boy millennials as I sit in a Michelin star restaurant and eat a buffalo chicken burger while a playlist of 90s East Coast hip hop plays in the background.

No-one knows what it's like
To be Betriebsrat
In Nuremberg
After Feierabend

And yeah erm, I'm gonna go move furniture in front of my door.

Like he's trying to figure out whether it's really bad news that he's the only paying guest at this hotel, and then he sees you and hopes your presence means he won't wake up in an ice bath without his kidneys.

You say "Odd but fuck it, I have a full day ahead" and you get on with it, and then you get back to the hotel and you encounter two members of staff (same as before) and actually encounter the total sum of 1 fellow guest.

Sort of. He's looking confused and a bit... desperate?

So you check in, take a shower, meet up with some colleagues from work, have an early dinner, head back to the hotel, get up for breakfast and... there's no other guests. You realise, 18 hours after checking in, that this place has 200+ rooms and you've seen 3 members of staff and 0 guests.

So you got a business trip. Your usual "affordable but comfy" hotel is full up. So you book the [brand name withheld], aware that your employer will not look kindly on the costs of anything beyond your usual "If it weren't for the Hauptbahnhofsjunkies this place would cost triple" place.

Dennis mag: Aufzüge
Dennis hasst: Treppen, fml warum wohnt irgendwer im 4. Stock?

"Lieblingseinrichtungsstil: Alles was nicht so schwer zu tragen ist ihr Penner"

Dann wollen wir mal wieder nach Nürnberg um ein paar Fragen zu klären, wie zB "darf ich einen Betriebsratsvorsitzenden rausschmeißen wenn ich auf meine Mutter schwör ich hatte vor seiner Wahl schon vor ihn rauszuschmeißen?"

Pro-tip: Never do press conferences after you've just done some uppers:

Poland, narrowly?

I think this means you have to play a song for me because I'm not sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to.

How the cat thinks she looks after beating the shit out of my shirts hanging from the clothes rack.

"Pork scratching spread" could have been the #1 gastro-trend of the early noughties in Essex.

Maybe the article is along the lines of "They've done admirably well at making their own problems worse - so well in fact that only one man can make them worse now"?

Ok, so I started from "wtf are 'Grieben' anyway", and after a fair bit of googling it turns out they're basically pork scratchings?

Nice.

All the best jokes make me go "Well that's harsh, but HA"

He's gonna end up fighting all three of them before the weekend is over.

Possibly all at once.

"Meine Generation liest ja Bücher statt Konsole zu spielen" sagt die Dame neben mir. Ihr Buch:

Off to Nuremberg to lead tomorrow's works assembly as vice-chair of the works council, like some character out of a Ken Loach film.

Can I get a bunch of German sales guys to chant "The workers united will never be defeated"? We shall find out.

Ahhh that's the stuff. My last semi-coherent memory of 2005 is standing on a pub table and leading the room into YNWA karaoke using the tattoo on my abdomen for subtitles.

So at the turn of 20 when you won the league with the last kick of the season, an event I am mercifully too young to remember?

I do hope you got as drunk as I did at a similar age in 2005.

My favourite ever Klopp moment has to be the one where he realises he's a sore loser live on camera and admits as much.

EXCELLENT CHOICE

Sorry, but surely you didn't grow up with United dominance? How old were you when they won that fateful first PL season?