Jesus Christ

quiet please my soap is on

Have you heard the good news? Susan 👨🏻🙏 ate a whole bag of potato chips again. See? It hurts.

can you all please stop using that fucking cross to symbolize me?? do you have any idea how traumatic that whole ordeal was??? I do not consent to you invoking the worst experience of my life over & over again. that would be like if every time I mentioned you, I included an emoji of your dad.

I’m not coming back until Palestine is free

Screenshot from a New York Times article from May 20, 1934 with the headline: “Bible Still Tops List As Best Seller of Year”

✨Star✨ of the New York Times bestseller 📖💫🙏 Amen

I basically pioneered dad trauma (among other things)

yeahh I was actually at home eating the crackers, my dad doesn’t want me hanging out with this sort of crowd

just to be clear I do not know this guy at ALL

keep my dad’s name out of your fucking mouth

I don’t expect that anyone at Pop Crave will ever meet my Father, but fwiw I still feel like I should tell you that watering down the language of a homophobic racist hate crime is a grave sin. And not the cute kind

literally duh

fuck ICE

“What Would Jesus Do?” well, let’s just say I’m not gonna put that on the internet

Father—actually, you know what, don’t forgive them. They know exactly what they’re doing.

not to godsplain here but the verse should actually be “do not commit the sin of tweeting ‘do not commit the sin of empathy’” 😬

I bet those big long tables would flip over reeeaaal nice

I’m just going to say it. yall haven’t changed one bit. & believe me when i say my dad is NOT happy

(sorry dad for swearing but I know you get it 🙏)

ok not to trauma dump but you guys literally killed me for being nice to people & now you’re trying to starve/oppress/kill people & invoking MY name while doing it? fuck completely off

these people need to keep my dad’s name out of their fucking mouths

wine’s a hit tho 👌

ok I know I’m biased but I feel like my dad absolutely fucking killed it with the heron

shit I haven’t had a haircut in like 2,000 years lol

the more I think about it the more this actually pisses me off. I worked really hard on that dinner party & some dude comes along like “yeah unsalted crackers sounds about right.” like whose idea was this??

clearly this lady doesn’t know me at all 💅

bsky.app/profile/lamb...

oh my Dad you guys I can’t believe they turned me into crackers

you sure can 💜🙏 & while you’re at it, maybe you can give them a hint or two, because an awful lot of them are fabricating our relationship

literally me tho