cop: know why I pulled you over?
me: *sliding off of elephant* zoo wants its elephant back?
cop: *nodding* the zoo wants its elephant back
01.03.2026 21:03 —
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Can I somehow instantly block any account that begins with "smol?"
01.03.2026 22:34 —
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two dandelions entangled by their stems
c'mere✨
01.03.2026 14:32 —
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woke up on the wrong side of the universe
26.01.2026 11:06 —
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My miniature roses look on as I overwater the Keurig
01.03.2026 22:53 —
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HELLO, THIS IS MY LANE. UNLESS I INVITE YOU OVER FOR A ROUSING GAME OF BUMPER CARS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR OWN.
01.03.2026 22:52 —
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Or…🤣🤨🙄
No contacts in
28.02.2026 23:32 —
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*packs up, moves to pizza sky
28.02.2026 20:20 —
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you could sit right here and make a memory with me if you want to
28.02.2026 18:54 —
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Some of you people are the absolute worst.
28.02.2026 19:45 —
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When he tells you to calm down but you haven’t crashed out yet
28.02.2026 23:31 —
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They sure don't make nostalgia like they used to. 🤔
28.02.2026 09:48 —
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Husbands Best Friend: Hey. I’ve been seeing someone
Me: in real life it hallucinations
28.02.2026 17:14 —
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All y’all guys say you want a wild carefree spirit until she’s dance battling a crack head at the Piggly Wiggly at 3 am
28.02.2026 16:17 —
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Bampy (gray and white British Shorthair) sits in the space between the upper cabinets above the fridge and the ceiling.
The good decisions maker has logged on
28.02.2026 16:00 —
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🤣😂🤣😂🤣
26.02.2026 20:51 —
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C’mon sugar. Time for a nap
26.02.2026 20:35 —
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Yes it does… I can’t believe I am actually saying it but what the fuck????🖤🖤🖤🖤
26.02.2026 17:59 —
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I don’t see how y’all s phone recognizes your face… you have like five
26.02.2026 17:57 —
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time flies when you've lost all sense of time and reality
26.02.2026 05:22 —
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how many cats are we going to let curiosity kill before we start demanding some justice
26.02.2026 00:27 —
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technically, im a high functioning shitstorm
25.02.2026 17:54 —
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on a related note *screams*
26.02.2026 12:38 —
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Anybody want to do something someday? I'm thinking about eventually leaving the house. We could go bowling.
25.02.2026 23:35 —
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going to start telling people “land your plane” when they’re talking in circles
26.02.2026 00:43 —
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I gave up gluten and also lost six pounds and my will to live
26.02.2026 12:52 —
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