The Vertlartnic

A doctor encouraging a patient to wash their testicles to avoid catching flu. Headline: Doctors: Flu Is Airborne So Please Wash Your Testicles Story by Oriole Pandabear and Temminck Stint Photo from Adobe

Doctors: Flu Is Airborne So Please Wash Your Testicles

A brain aneurysm Headline: How To Turn Your Aneurism Into An Adventure Story by Lilian Phatnasm and Arthur Brain-Function Photo from Adobe

How To Turn Your Aneurism Into An Adventure

A man on the toilet Headline: With Norovirus Surging This Christmas, Health Officials Advise ‘Consider Washing Your Hands After Pooping’ Story by Posley Queam and Cilian Dangerroad Photo from Adobe

With Norovirus Surging This Christmas, Health Officials Advise ‘Consider Washing Your Hands After Pooping’

Someone making everyone well Headline: If You’re Not Sick Right Now, Then You’re Not Doing Your Part To Make Everyone Healthy. Story by Golong Satsuma and Terence Gorge Photo from Adobe

If You’re Not Sick Right Now, Then You’re Not Doing Your Part To Make Everyone Healthy.

Someone who doesn't know how healthy they want to be Headline: Why You May Not Want To Be Healthy As Much As You Think You Do Story by Yumyum Bonanza and Mike O'Hoolihay Photo from Unsplash

Why You May Not Want To Be Healthy As Much As You Think You Do

A model pretending that he doesn't believe in viruses, just for the sake of this photoshoot. Headline: People Who Don’t Believe In Viruses Sign Up To Get ‘Easy Money’ For Dealing With Marburg Outbreak Story by Malcolm Ondiedge and Dauphin Caldicot Photo from Unsplash

People Who Don’t Believe In Viruses Sign Up To Get ‘Easy Money’ For Dealing With Marburg Outbreak

Someone whose health is just brimming Headline: You Only Feel So Bad Because Your Body’s Intimidated By How Well You Are Story by Elspeth Gaaarhnacho and Moseley Bogart Photo from Adobe

You Only Feel So Bad Because Your Body’s Intimidated By How Well You Are

Everyone upset with Alan Headline: Experts Confirm That Talking About Long Covid Really Negs The Vibes, Alan story by Garth Elbow and Thibaut Spout Photo from Adobe

Experts Confirm That Talking About Long Covid Really Negs The Vibes, Alan

Someone getting diagnosed with something that totally isn't Long Covid Headline: Large Increase In Numbers Of People Diagnosed With Something That Totally Wasn’t Caused By That Thing Story by Hubert Grabbag and Miguel Friday Photo from Adobe

Large Increase In Numbers Of People Diagnosed With Something That Totally Wasn’t Caused By That Thing

Some healthcare workers Headline: Public Health To Drop ‘Health’ And ‘Public’ Story by Cameron Ronway and Simon Biddywiffler Photo from Adobe

Public Health To Drop ‘Health’ And ‘Public’

Man on television Headline: “Do You Have Any Mild Evidence?” Says Man On Television Story by Ricky Palooka and Walton Natalia Photo from Adobe

“Do You Have Any Mild Evidence?” Says Man On Television

A waiting room Headline: Catching An Infection While You’re Waiting For Treatment For Another Health Problem Probably Good For You, Say Hospitals Story by Mark Commode and Disc Reid-Erra

Catching An Infection While You’re Waiting For Treatment For Another Health Problem Probably Good For You, Say Hospitals

School Headline: It’s Bring Your Infectious Disease To School Month Story by Paul Ingbehavia and Star Radcliffe Photo from Adobe

It’s Bring Your Infectious Disease To School Month

A vampire Headline: Public Health Officials Say Cough Like Dracula. But Not Biting.NO. NO BITING. STOP. STOOO Story by Oliver Quiver and Leonard Uckser Photo from Adobe

Public Health Officials Say Cough Like Dracula. But Not Biting.
NO. NO BITING. STOP. STOOO

Some scientists or doctors or something Headline: Bold Claims Need Strong Evidence.No, Not That Evidence. Story by Sam Gurp and Inova Hizhed Picture from Adobe

Bold Claims Need Strong Evidence.
No, Not That Evidence.

A patient going into a scanner Headline: New Cutting-Edge Scans Able To Show Whether You’re Battling Long-Term Effects Of Covid Infection Or A Legion Of Demons Story by Guy Moobray and Betty Disney-Makit Photo from Adobe

New Cutting-Edge Scans Able To Show Whether You’re Battling Long-Term Effects Of Covid Infection Or A Legion Of Demons

A young man with symptoms of Long Covid Headline: No, You Have Lion Covid Story by Bernard Sworp and Reek Enderby Photo from Adobe

No, You Have Lion Covid

A doctor so so happy Headline: Doctors Thrilled You’re Post-Covid, Recommend Rest, Flu, And Some More Covid Story by Lissia Noodel and Molly Bdenum Photo from Adobe

Doctors Thrilled You’re Post-Covid, Recommend Rest, Flu, And Some More Covid

Some people who are sick endlessly Headline: Why Catching Covid Endlessly Is Better Than Not Catching It Enough, And Two Other Things We Tell Ourselves To Feel Better When We’re Sick Yet Again Story by Slant Gatherwool and Derek Pimhole Photo from Adobe

Why Catching Covid Endlessly Is Better Than Not Catching It Enough, And Two Other Things We Tell Ourselves To Feel Better When We’re Sick Yet Again

Some doctors thinking that your notes are hilarious Headline: Six Reasons Doctors Think It’s Hilarious That You Are Worried About Covid. Story by Miriam Coop and Graft Sledgebanger Photo from Adobe

Six Reasons Doctors Think It’s Hilarious That You Are Worried About Covid.

A vicious umbrella user. Headline: It’s Umbrella Users Who Are Causing All This Rain. It’s Time To Ban Them Once And For All. Story by Gerald Wallaby and Semolina Hedjphund Photo from Adobe

It’s Umbrella Users Who Are Causing All This Rain.
It’s Time To Ban Them Once And For All.

A man with a gun or maybe an umbrella Headline: Active Shelter Reported On Campus Story by Bertrum Barrow and Semolina Hedjphund Photo from Adobe

Active Shelter Reported On Campus

Someone sick Headline: You’re Not More Sick Than You Used To Be. You’re Healthy And Well And Your Memory Is Great. Story by Bertrum Barrow and Geoffrey Boshworthy Photo from Adobe

You’re Not More Sick Than You Used To Be. You’re Healthy And Well And Your Memory Is Great.

Millennials millennialling Headline: American Millennials Are Dying At An Alarming Rate, But It’s Only Alarming If You Know About It, And Anyway It’s Totally Not Caused By Covid Infections Story by Port Chasuban and Silica Weverley Photo from Adobe

American Millennials Are Dying At An Alarming Rate, But It’s Only Alarming If You Know About It, And Anyway It’s Totally Not Caused By Covid Infections

A cat Headline: It’s Time To Introduce Adequate Ventilation, UV and Filtration To Remove Any Germs That Could Cause Illness.In Homes For Lost Cats. Story by Garethy Smarmbasket and Lupin Edgware Photo from Adobe

It’s Time To Introduce Adequate Ventilation, UV and Filtration To Remove Any Germs That Could Cause Illness.
In Homes For Lost Cats.

A fresh glass of sunscreen Headline: Sunscreen Does Not Work, Says Study That Made Participants Drink It Story by Isaiah Thananother and Jorge Philbert Photo from Adobe

Sunscreen Does Not Work, Says Study That Made Participants Drink It

A hepa filter that probably isn't even switched on. Headline: Air Filtration Doesn’t Work To Prevent Illness Says Study Done By People Who Didn’t Switch The Air Filters On Properly Story by Solomon Bundy and Meredith Belch Photo from Adobe

Air Filtration Doesn’t Work To Prevent Illness Says Study Done By People Who Didn’t Switch The Air Filters On Properly

Headline: A celebrity who totally doesn't have Long Covid Story by Jeremy Gentlebee and Snork Vasodilazhun Photo from Adobe

Six Celebrities Who Totally Don’t Have Long Covid

A toddler Headline: Maybe It’s A Good Thing That Covid Infection While Pregnant Can Cause Developmental Delay In Toddlers When The World Is Moving So Fast Story by Perry Stalsis and Ulma Thwack Photo from Unsplash

Maybe It’s A Good Thing That Covid Infection While Pregnant Can Cause Developmental Delay In Toddlers When The World Is Moving So Fast

A politician Headline: Let’s Beat Climate Change The Same Way We Beat Covid Story by Maureen Barnet and Les Bleating Photo from Adobe

Let’s Beat Climate Change The Same Way We Beat Covid