|| Homotron 9000 🩸

【ナファスマティック｜NafasMatic】
#YutaONEfont™︎ #ゆうたONEフォント™︎
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It really does.
Plus things like “does this character like touch? Do they linger or fuck n go? What life experiences actively or passively influenced their intimacy preferences/kinks?” All matter and are genuinely fascinating and enriching insights into their inner workings, I’ll die on that hill.

I’ve literally had someone try to throw shade at me by saying my OCs are “sexualised more than they have lore” and I think about it still because those things literally aren’t mutually exclusive 🗣️THE SEX AND HOW IT RELATES TO THEIR STORIES/PERSONALITIES/INTERPERSONAL CONNECTIONS IS PART OF THE LORE🗣️

Chapter 17 of FFVII Remake

It’s not even like “animals that have bright colours to warn you they’re poisonous” it’s more like “animal with a lure that makes you go ‘oooh what’s that?’ Before it actively bites your fucking head off” except in this case they also usually have the nerve to play the victim afterwards too.

ESPECIALLY if their ass is white.
At that point you’re starting UNDER the jailhouse and proving your way out because I’ve been burned by that shit too many times in person AND online.

If their whole online persona has the same energy as a 2010s S*nrio or th!nspo coquette blog? Proceed with caution.

【ビットフロウ｜BitFlow】
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That thing people say about how certain (read: *not all*) people who brand their entire image around a specific brand of pink pastel cute soft “nice girl”/rococo/coquette aesthetic often being some of the most evil people you’ll ever meet

Mordred Pendragon Saber from Fate Apocrypha and FGO

falling back into my fate era with some post transition Mordred redraw 🏳️‍⚧️ w.i.p

It worries my mum too and I just wish there was an easy way to stop it but it just keeps happening the second my hair gets past a certain length.
It feels disgusting seeing it everywhere and it's like...what do I even do about it? It feels hopeless.
I can't tie up my hands to keep them off my head.

Like I literally have my hair cut short at the sides not even just as an aesthetic/gender presentation thing, it's literally a means of curbing myself from ripping at my hair passively.
I look around my floor and some days there's just hair *all over the fucking place* and it makes me feel awful...

// Mental health talk

It feels weird having to process the fact that I have BFRB.
I've always had the cheek chewing one from when I was a child, but the trich only started when I was at uni and it's never stopped since.
I wish I had more people to talk to about it because it does stress me out.

Anyway nobody else is allowed to die on a holiday like this in my family or else that’s just overdoing it /lh

At heart I think I’d still be okay with spending the day to myself in peace, but a small part of my paranoia still thinks about that incident each year too and worries that something similar might happen again and I’d be by myself.
So since then I try to go to my stepdad’s, just to be safe.

It makes Christmas both a time of festivities but also a time of mourning in my family.
Which only gets more complicated given I cut off my dad recently for being a piece of shit.
He sucks but I know that day affected him really heavily too and it’s the only thing I still feel empathy about for him.

I’m glad we can both laugh about it now because in hindsight given the type of person she was it just sort of feels darkly funny.
But being alone at home when it happened and my aunt hamfistedly breaking the news to me and causing me to panic because I thought *my mum* had died was A Time.

It’s funny because yesterday me and my mum were talking about it too; how dramatic my grandma on my dad’s side was, about her health and other people’s issues and all sorts.
And we were both like “yeah…trust her to be the one to die *literally on Christmas Day*. Caused a scene right to the end”.

// TW family death

Oomf got me thinking about the nature of spending the holidays alone and the reasons for it.
I think at heart I’m someone who doesn’t mind solitude and just being in my own space even on a day associated with family.
But also last time I did that willingly was uh…poorly timed.

King Minos from ULTRAKILL, screaming and writhing on the ground after being impaled through the forehead, chest and hand by several holy spears. A glowing cross stands in the middle of Minos' head, his crown cracked, as blood pours out of him. Gabriel stands atop his beard, holding another spear. He is bathed in holy light from above. Below him and Minos are husks, reacting in horror and grief. Several of them cling to Minos' face and hand in his pools of blood. One of them is outstretched towards Gabriel, as if asking "Why?!" Gabriel, unmoved, appears to be looking in their direction.

The Execution of King Minos
ARTIST: UNKNOWN (CIRCA. 20TH-22NDc.)

#ULTRAKILL

After playing Ultrakill, maybe everything is going to be okay.

Anyway TLDR: “I want to bash my fucking brains in” but what the fuck else is new stop being miserable and go make some shit because “what else are you good for?”

Like when I thought I was gonna get attacked by my abuser on my own fucking doorstep? Silence.
Not a peep.
So leave me alone.

“Omg he’s is talking about this in public—“ full offence if anyone makes a moment of me actually admitting that I feel vulnerable and miserable into circus of respectability politics after ignoring me when I was in actual DANGER because I didn’t mince my words then I’m going to fucking throttle you.

And then if I talk about it then people get scared and start fussing if they even notice that I’m currently a train wreck in the first place and then I feel bad and embarrassed for being so Unsightly for not holding it all in but I’M TIRED OF IT I feel like I’m stuck in a fucking glass bottle.

And yeah I’ll get over it and it’s probably just a “don’t trust how you feel right now” thing but right now in this moment I’m fucking tired of not being able to be Not Okay.
Of feeling like I’m not allowed to say “I can’t do this”.
Of feeling like everyone else can have problems but me.

I looove feeling like there’s no point and no future for me and that the whole world is falling apart and I want to work more but getting more work seems impossible and I want to keep going but fuck it feels like “what’s the point?” Sometimes and it just…sucks! And having to admit it out loud SUCKS!

Had to have a convo with my mum and it sucked a lot having to basically admit that “Damn I know it’s probably just hormones and I’ll be fine later but right here and now as it is…I kinda wanna d1e! So that’s fun!”

I hate being “the guy who always seems okay” because then nobody is prepared for the day when you suddenly aren’t that guy.

Obvs I’d rather these shitheels care about artists and the environment even a fraction but it’s been clear for ages that there’s only one language these corps understand and that’s money.
And only once their profits tank (possibly accelerated by something like the above) will they go “oh oops”.