maggie

oh theyre cute! another huge W for depressed people

i hate it when the package tracking says "being processed at carrier facility" bitch you're the carrier. you're in there playing with my christmas presents arent you

Joe Burrow is 28 years old and has never seen a crab.

always

its so embarrassing

its really pissing me off that the nats and mets are over here and the phillies arent

Also, every service.

Basically every visit to see my mom is 50% working through 2FA systems with her so she can pay utility bills.

Headline about tortoise who lived through two world wars

And did absolutely nothing to stop them.

You know what food I hate? Your personal favourite food. Inedible garbage.

nostalgia is a scam invented by big new to sell more old

put your frozen turkey in whatever pot you want. it's yours. you own it. these government safety thugs want to control every aspect of our lives with fear and intimidation. well guess what. it's normal for houses to burn down. happens all the time. ooooh i'm soo scared of regular stuff. yeah right

Let’s be honest: nothing Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin have done in the last 56 years justifies the tremendous cost of bringing them back from the moon. NASA should’ve spared the long-suffering taxpayer and left them up there

i have a cute eagles sweatshirt and every time i wear it my wife calls it my "poser sweater" just bc i dont care about football even a little bit. and shes right but she doesnt have to say it

well! that's much worse!

learning now for the first time thats it not like. lego online

tonight is for jfk

this should be illegal

loving all the jfk assassination discourse on my feed

i know its a blessing my fave doesn't post tho. i know hes a flat-earther i dont need to see it

ive always been very staunchly anti-celeb culture so opening instagram every day like "oh man i hope someone posted a cringey video of my favorite charmless dweeb" is so so embarrassing for me. why didn't i at least pick a cool one

idk why its not embarrassing for him bc its embarrassing for me!

its brutal. last offseason the only spottings of my favorite player were his weird trainer posting a couple vids of him working out with teenagers next to a freeway in houston. this is the most undignified thing thats ever happened to me

just felting phillies merch and waiting for spring training

i love myself i dont belong here 😭😭😭 i was so happy with my past interests i know i had but can no longer quite recall

stressed about my little guys potentially getting traded and also just bored outta my fucking mind. how was i filling my time before baseball i seriously dont remember

ive only been into baseball since may of 24 i cant believe they make you do the offseason every year (and sometimes extra offseason if theres a lockout???) this is awful. how do you people live like this

They never tell you that the dishes are made of stardust, too.

oh my god how much longer until they give baseball back?? one week?? two?? dont tell me its three

oh my GOD. yeah that is. an evocative detail

look i want it on the record that i am NOT a pokemon-fucker. but i think theyve just got something different going on