Shout-out to anyone who's ordered a family takeaway from their local Chinese place that has a new website only to discover it's a totally different Chinese in a town 100 miles away with the same name.
18.05.2025 16:40 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Shout-out to anyone who's ordered a family takeaway from their local Chinese place that has a new website only to discover it's a totally different Chinese in a town 100 miles away with the same name.
18.05.2025 16:40 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Sorry to hear Van Winkle died
05.05.2025 07:06 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Enjoy what you can
22.04.2025 09:29 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
All babies together, everyone a seed
One percent are satisfied, 99 in need
Love's bountiful in us, tarnished by our greed
Oh, when will there be a harvest for the world?
To cut a long story short I became a literary editor.
15.04.2025 15:32 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Imagine how scary Marine Le Pen would be if she were land-based.
31.03.2025 12:37 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Who can forget this brilliant song by Gerry Baker with the iconic trumpet intro. Mistakenly rumoured to have been played by Henry Kelly from Blockbusters
24.02.2025 18:34 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0No live coverage? It's The Nationals.
21.02.2025 16:59 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I thought Conclave was excellent entertainment, especially when Isabella Rossellini appeared as Sister George Michael from Derry Girls.
18.02.2025 19:02 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Last night in Birmingham
07.02.2025 18:29 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0"I'm sorry I didn't read enough of your email to get to the part where it said Read All of This Email."
06.02.2025 14:29 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Nothing succeeds like a tennis groupie
29.01.2025 22:58 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I can't go to the local recycling centre/tip very often because I find it exhausting coming up with a new facial expression every time I pass the same person between my car and the bins.
26.01.2025 12:22 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Not now Elon!
22.01.2025 15:12 — 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
No, you fuck off!
10.01.2025 18:19 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Lots of people believe in solipsism.
I thought it was just me.
My current hearing aids let me hear things that I haven't been able to for many years. One of those things is the sound of birds. Sometimes their singing is nice.
The other day in my garden is a wood pigeon would not stop saying My toes hurt, Betty.
First the clocks went back and now the year has gone forward. When oh when will they make up their minds?
02.01.2025 11:27 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Woke at ten this morning. Then I was a bit right wing until lunchtime.
25.12.2024 15:06 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0What's the most romantic Christmas gift that will fit through a Night-Pay window?
24.12.2024 16:00 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
In honour of Eddie Stobart there will on Monday be a side by side procession of lorries up the M11. No cars will be able to overtake.
In other words, business as usual.
Well thank you very much history teachers in 1978 for the Wolf Hall spoilers.
Think before you speak next time
Just looking around for a couple of stocking fillers. Have you seen the price of prosthetic limbs?
15.12.2024 09:13 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
My life has been like a long series of away fixtures at obscure Eastern European football clubs
Ludogorets, I've had a few.
- Patience is a virtue
- Took you long enough to say so
All these lovely people in Scunthorpe came out on a terrible weather evening to be a great audience
08.12.2024 11:37 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Yes I'm aware I've done this joke on the same day for the last 15 years or so but I'm always excited to start an advent colander
01.12.2024 13:26 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
The beautiful Regal Theatre Minehead
01.12.2024 07:45 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Spending a couple of days gigging in Yorkshire. Hawarth last night followed by a hike around Brontë country today.
29.11.2024 17:55 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
