Doctor Who Minus Context

Matt Smith episode. The Doctor, Amy and Rory are standing in a desert, a large circle made up of a load of stones and lumps of wood along the surface of the sand, going into the brush. Amy says, “Look at this. It’s a load of stones and lumps of wood. What is it?” The Doctor scans the load of stones and lumps of wood with his sonic. The Doctor looks at his sonic, weirdly close to the two. “A load of stones and lumps of wood.”

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Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor is standing in a UNIT office — beige walls, bookcases with binders. Sgt. Benton is wearing a more evil looking military uniform than typical, and the Brigadier has an eyepatch and a scar, with no mustache, so you know this is an alternate universe story. The Doctor says, “Why is this place crawling with you oafs in uniform?” The !Brigadier says, “You are talking of the Republican Security Forces.”

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David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor is standing in a bright white doorway behind a rusty door, so bright because they probably couldn’t afford to build another room set. All that budget went into this weird gross alien guy with sunken eyes, no lips or nose over his big angry teeth, some form of light metal armor, ridged skin. The Doctor is holding up a raw steak behind him, saying, “Here, boy. Eat the food. Come on. Look at the lovely food, isn't that nice?” He doesn’t seem interested.

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Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor is standing in the Panopticon on Gallifrey, and you can tell, because there’s a lot of weird platforms and pipes and things on the walls. There’s also Leela, a bunch of Gallifreyans and Sontarans in the room, but you just see a close up of the Doctor’s face, partly in the shadow. Caption reads, “The SSSS. Isn’t that carrying alliteration a little far?”

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David Tennant episode. Two men stand in an old English village. One is a smiley middle-aged man wearing a three-piece dark tweed suit and an adorable hat. The other man, bald, is standing ominously in a robe, holding some sort of large pole. He says, “If you won't stand aside, then we'll take it by force.” The man says, “And by what power? The hand of God?” Cut to the bald man, looking angry, saying, “No, the fist of man.”

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Peter Davison episode. The Doctor and Nyssa are speaking to the receptionist at a hostel in Amsterdam, who’s wearing a fantastic green sweater vest. The receptionist says, πWe have no record of a Miss Jovanka.” The Doctor asks, “And what about her cousin?” to which he says, “How would I know that, sir?” Fair enough.

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Ncuti Gatwa episode. The Doctor is wearing an absolutely dapper pinstriped three-piece suit with a bowler hat, speaking to Mel Bush, wearing a lovely sky blue cardigan, standing on a street sidewalk, early sunlight gleaming. Mel says, “Oh, you know, I’m single, no parents, no children. So I will sit in silent contemplation and be jolly glad.” Sounds lovely.

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Sylvester McCoy episode. The doctor is standing in a microbrewery. Merlin is laying on the ground against some kind of big white barrel, the Doctor, Ace and Li Shou Yuing looking at him somewhat incredulously. The Doctor says, “Time for what?” Merlin says, “Thou does not know, truly?” Ace says, “Do you think he’d be asking if he did, tinhead?”

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Jodie Whittaker episode. A Sontaran is vlogging from a spaceship, and you can tell, because there’s a bunch of weird lights in the background. Some stripey white ones, and a few red ones, so you know they’re evil. And there’s a bunch of scan lines and distortion, because digital video in the future has scan lines and is always weirdly distorted. Caption reads, “We must join together to survive this threat against us. Except Rutans. Rutans, you remain hideous scum and must be obliterated.”

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Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith are in a typical sad little office, speaking to two Men From The Ministry, as it were. The Doctor is sitting incredibly close to one of them, leaning in, his hat shading his eyes. He says, “I think they were dangerous, but they were stooges. I believe they were working for someone else.” Sarah says, from a more normal distance, “And if that's true, that someone else must be a complete madman.” Sounds vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t possibly provide any such context.

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David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) Donna is in the TARDIS, the big white one, all the weird glowing round things (what are the round things?) behind her, and not really much else going on in the frame. Her face is oddly dark considering how bright the room should be. Caption reads, “…and I lived day after day after day.” Like Groundhog Day.

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Jodie Whittaker episode. The Doctor, Dan and Yaz are in some kind of storage facility, with metal beams, fluorescent lighting, and weird hazy fog, which is odd, considering they’re indoors. Something red is glowing in front of them, which they’re looking at in shock. Captions read, “Time loop.” “Time loop.” “Groundhog Day.” Oh, Dan.

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Matt Smith episode. A man and a woman named Uncle and Idris are standing in the middle of a sad, depressing junkyard. Uncle is wearing a weird old military uniform, possibly French, or maybe he’s just wearing a different uniform while speaking in a bad French accent. He also has a dirty rag on his head for no discernible reason. He’s holding Idris’s hand, and says, “I could go in your place in this. No, I don’t, because it’s really going to hurt.” Way to get her hopes up.

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William Hartnell episode. The Doctor and Susan are in the TARDIS console room, looking at that wall of computer lights and glass panels that only appears there sometimes, next to the big weird vase thing. The Doctor is holding Susan, in the middle of crashing out. Captions read, “The whole area of the fault locator has just given us a warning.” “Everything can't be wrong.” “That’s what it means, child.” Everything is wrong indeed.

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William Hartnell missing episode reconstruction. We’re watching an Indiana Jones style map with a line indicating the path of the TARDIS team through the Gobi Desert. The line is passing through some sand dunes, some kind of scorched dead thing and approaching a small oasis. Caption reads, in voiceover, “What misery. A bitterly cold wind swept down from the north and set us shivering as we stumbled on. I fear the end is not far off.” Sounds familiar.

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Matt Smith episode. Doctor Simeon, portrayed by Richard E. Grant, is standing in a dark alleyway in the middle of night, speaking to Madame Vastra and Jenny, off-screen. Simeon looks absolutely miserable with a proper scornful face illuminated by the dim moonlight. Caption reads, “I think winter is coming.” No, that’s a different show.

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Matt Smith episode. Madame Vastra, a Silurian lizard lady, and Jenny, her Victorian wife who’s always wearing a maid outfit, are standing in a dark room processing photographs. Although, because it’s a TV show, the room isn’t very dark at all, with at least two pretty bright light sources in the room with them. Those negatives would be ruined. Anyway, Jenny is looking at one of the prints, in shock, and says, “Well, I’ll be blowed!” I’m sure she will.

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Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob. The Doctor is standing next to a 16th century stagecoach in the middle of night. A man and a woman are inside the carriage, looking surprised and perplexed at what’s happening around them. The Doctor is speaking to someone off-screen. Captions read, “Sorry, were you talking to me there? Try again, I’ll promise I’ll listen this time.”

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Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor and Jo are standing in front of the TARDIS, one door open, materialized onto a spaceship in the future, and you can tell, because every surface is metal, the walls are an odd non-square shape, there are weird lights on the walls, and a big pipe labeled “FLOUR” in a futurey computery font instead of a normal one. Unlike that other popular science fiction franchise, there are plenty of handrails and guard rails on the stairs and ledges, even painted in bright industrial yellow. The Doctor is posing Doctorally while Jo says, “Only you could manage to have a traffic accident in space.”

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David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) Donna and Captain Jack are in the TARDIS. Jack is looking and laughing at something just off-screen, leaning against one of the coral pillars. Donna says, “You can hug me, if you want.” He turns to look at her, no longer laughing but still smiling a little. Donna is dead serious. “No, really, you can hug me.”

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Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor is with Liz Shaw, who could plough snow off the streets of London with a Reliant Robin and a spoon, in an underground brick room, with a man in a mustache and military uniform. Close-up on the man and the Doctor, while Liz Shaw, who beat Tetris on her first try, is just off-screen. The man says, “You’re not surprised to see me?” The Doctor replies, “Not particularly, no.”

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David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) Interior of a spaceship. Shiny metal canisters and hoses and a dirty metal wall with somewhat industrial dingy blue/green lighting shining down on a room that also contains a nice 18th century French mantle and fireplace, complete with a fancy clock, nice wood paneling and a black and white checkered tile floor. No one is in the frame, but the caption reads, “Now, there’s something you don’t see in your average spaceship.” Just the French ones.

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Patrick Troughton episode. Griffin, a chef with a really excellent name, is standing in a dimly lit kitchen wearing a turtleneck and white apron. There are some jars of Stuff on shelves. He looks a bit sad. Captions read, “(gunshots) I know the food’s bad, but you don’t have to go that far!”

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Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob. The Doctor and Clara are on a posh turn-of-the-century train car, wearing a fine black tie suit and gold cocktail dress. A man with an excellent little mustache and captain’s hat is speaking to them, and asks, “So, what are you a doctor of?” The Doctor replies, “Now, there's a question that's never asked often enough. Let’s say… intestinal parasites.” Clara is trying not to look irritated.

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Patrick Troughton animated missing episode. The Doctor is sitting on the floor of the TARDIS — not that you could tell, because it’s zoomed in and the background is just grey. He’s wearing a coat that’s far too big for him and the First Doctor’s ring on his right hand, holding his hands over his ears, eyes open, yelling out. Captions read, “Slower!” [THUMPING]

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Christopher Eccleston episode. The Doctor and Rose are walking through the dense brick streets of London at night. Rose is wearing a Union Jack T-shirt. No one else is out, just them alone, walking hurriedly. Captions read, “How much is a little?” “A bit.” “Is that exactly a bit?” “Ish.” Star Trek has technobabble, Doctor Who has whatever this is.

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Jon Pertwee episode. Sarah Jane Smith is in the TARDIS, wearing some beach clothes, preparing for a trip to Florana. (I don’t know, some kind of space Florida? (Not to be confused with actual Space Florida.)) The TARDIS lights are really dim, only one emergency spotlight on. Not sure why lights always get dimmer in an emergency. Seems like you’d probably want more. Anyway, captions read, “Fascinating, isn’t it?” “What’s fascinating about fog?”

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Jodie Whittaker episode. Yasmin’s grandmother Umbreen is sitting in a cozy dining room, shop-bought cake on the table, balloons and other decorations. Her family is sitting around the table with her. Umbreen is sitting back, fondly remembering her early life. Caption reads, “And I was the first Muslim woman to work in a textile mill in South Yorkshire.” Quite the accomplishment… I think?

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Peter Davison episode. The Doctor is on a spaceship in the future, and you can tell, because the walls are all gray with big light panels on them. He’s surrounded by a bunch of Daleks (gray ones) and a few humans in future space outfits. A Dalek says, “He is an enemy of the Daleks. He must be exterminated.” Closeup on one of the people as he says, “He must be duplicated first.” Huh, they usually leave that part out.

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David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor, Christine, and a few other people are walking off a red double decker bus. Just in case you forgot this show is British. It’s a bit knackered, beat up, windows blown out, dented all around, smoking. Also, it’s in the middle of a desert. Wheels embedded in the sand. Caption reads, “Call it a hunch, but I think we’ve gone a little bit further than Brixton.” Hull, maybe?

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