Doctor Who Minus Context

Patrick Troughton episode. The Doctor and Victoria are standing very close together in the TARDIS in front of the console. Victoria is looking up at the Doctor, who has a very cheeky smile on his face, looking down at her. Caption reads, “It’s so big.”

#doctorwho

Jodie Whittaker episode. The Doctor is in a space prison, leaning up against a cage, speaking to something off-screen. Caption reads, “You can’t eat the cage. Believe me, I’ve tried.” Cut to a Weird Little Guy; caption reads, “SIGHS”

#doctorwho

Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor is wearing a lovely green crushed velvet jacket, looking a little disheveled and tired, lying on the floor among some furniture, looking up at someone off screen. Caption reads, “They’ve had no sleep and nothing to eat for days.”

#doctorwho

Matt Smith episode. Tesco off-brand Jon Hamm is standing in a dimly lit room, suit and tie with a pea coat, early 20th century art deco room, another man in a suit and tie with an excellent hat out of focus in the background, speaking to someone else out of focus, just in front of the camera. He says, “For $25 a day plus expenses, I’ll believe any damn thing you like.” Everyone has their price; his is pretty low.

#doctorwho

Peter Davison episode. Nilson, an officer from the future (and you can tell, because he has a jacket with a weird collar with abstract colors and squares on it) is shielding his eyes above his face — even though there’s a bright blue light shining directly in front of him, not above. The whole frame of the image is a strong blue. Where the shadow is under his hand, his eyes are a red TV static. No caption.

#doctorwho

David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor, Rose and Jackie Tyler are in their council flat (two words that I, as an American, do not comprehend). Rose is talking to her mum, looking away in disappointment, the Doctor looking over in bemusement. Rose is holding some weird shiny round jewelry container thing, and says, “I get her bazoolium, she doesn’t even say thanks.” Relatable!

#doctorwho

Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor and Romana are in a brutalist concrete room, standing around a computer from the future, a large crystal pyramid thing. Romana has her arms crossed, looking at two others off-screen; the Doctor is holding his hands up, about a foot apart. Caption reads, “There will be a rather large…”

#doctorwho

Jodie Whittaker episode. We’re looking at a title card, with orange text on a black screen. I feel like I’ve seen something like this before, but I can’t quite place it. Text reads, “A LONG TIME AGO… (2019) FAR, FAR AWAY… (CHELTENHAM)”

#doctorwho

Colin Baker episode. The Doctor and Peri are in the TARDIS, the Doctor looking at the tiny little TV console, showing some cool Future Computery vector lines and things (that are, in actuality, overwhelmingly 1980s). Peri asks, “Well, I only asked a simple question.” The Doctor replies, “Indeed you did. It was the wrong question.” Like a pedantic Mastodon reply guy.

#doctorwho

Jodie Whittaker episode. The Doctor and Yaz are hanging upside down in a CSO (green screen) alien planet hellscape. Captions read, “Ready?” “No!” “Me neither, I love not being ready.”

#doctorwho

Sylvester McCoy episode. The Doctor and Mel are standing in an incredibly dingy industrial area, giant letters and numbers painted on the rusted metal walls, with a tall man in a sparkly purple tuxedo excitedly reading something off a clipboard to them. They seem concerned. Caption reads, “A week, a whole week, in Disneyland, Planet Earth.”

#doctorwho

Episode with Ncuti Gatwa. (Remember him?) Inside a rustic old log cabin, light shining through the gaps in the walls, a mother holds a newborn baby boy. She says, “We thought Jonas would be a wonderful name.” The Rani is staring at them menacingly, saying, “I think it’s absolutely terrible.”

#doctorwho

William Hartnell episode. A man in a business suit and tie is inside a room with nice gray curtains, holding a phone up to his ear. Caption reads, “What the devil’s wrong with this phone?!”

#doctorwho

Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob. Clara and the Doctor are in an American diner, Clara inexplicably dressed as a hostess in a blue uniform with a white collar. Neon lights behind her. Clara asks, “You been travelling?” The Doctor says, “Yeah. From time to time.” Apologies if you only just now got that pun from ten years ago.

#doctorwho

Colin Baker episode. The Doctor is standing in a big room in the far future, and you can tell, because the walls are all white with big light-up panels and things. There’s a triangular doorway in the wall with a bright glowing abstract portal inside it, and a plain grey ramp leading up to it. A bunch of people are helping the Doctor tie a rope around his waist. Caption reads, “Not as long as l'd have liked, but it will have to do.” I’ve heard that before.

#doctorwho

Matt Smith episode. The Doctor, Amy and Rory are staring up a posh hotel stairway, with nicely varnished wooden banisters, royal red carpet, and midcentury modern lights that arc around the middle of the frame. Amy and Rory are looking up and down; the Doctor is whizzing around too fast to be in focus, as per usual. Caption reads, “I’m sorry, but I don’t see any huge hats.” The 2nd Doctor would be disappointed.

#doctorwho

Patrick Troughton episode. Zoe, Jamie and captain Leo Ryan are standing around a space station, shaped like a wheel… in space. You can’t tell though, because there are two extreme close-ups on Zoe and Jamie’s faces, as this episode is missing and recreated from tele snaps. Zoe says, “24,564,000 miles at perihelion and 161,350,000 miles at aphelion.” Jamie, the Doctor’s lover, says, “Oh, I was dying to know that.”

#doctorwho

Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob. The Doctor is in a dark spaceship, wearing a space suit without a helmet. His eyes are frosted over, because he’s blind. Nardole (and several others) are in the room with him as he says, “The end point of capitalism. A bottom line where human life has no value at all. Like every worker, everywhere — we’re fighting the suits.” Happy Labor Day, Americans.

#doctorwho

Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) Three Daleks are standing around a control room in the far future, and you can tell because there’s a bunch of panels of lights and things. Wonder how the Daleks operate them without human fingers. One Dalek says, “Penetration to lower level will commence immediately.”

#doctorwho

Ncuti Gatwa episode. Miss Belinda Chandra is standing in the TARDIS, with fun blue and orange lights. Belinda is wearing a bright yellow dress. She looks distressed, tears in her eyes, staring into the middle distance of the TARDIS console. Caption reads, “Planet Earth is broken or 2025 is broken?” Both. The answer is both.

#doctorwho

Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor is in a space center that doesn’t exist in real life, but it’s okay, because it’s The Near Future (maybe). The shot is so close you can’t really see the room, but that’s okay, because it’s pretty low budget, anyways. The Doctor is holding a shiny silver microphone looking mildly concerned. Caption reads, “How many beans make five?”

#doctorwho

David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) Sally Sparrow and whats-her-name Nightingale are walking through an old house. Sally is posing in front of an old mirror, then they both walk through a decrepit room. Captions read, “I love old things. They make me feel sad.” “What’s good about sad?” “It’s happy for deep people.”

#doctorwho

Colin Baker episode. We’re inside a civilian space ship in the future, that just so happens to be decorated like it’s the late 1980s, with bright colors, plants, white chairs with pastel colored seats, a bright orange wall, an inexplicable pyramid in the background. A woman wearing a garish purple pantsuit is strutting up to the front desk, where there’s a shiny triangle on the wall, some computer thing, and an ordinary desk phone. A man and a woman are wearing weird future clothes. Captions read, “Am I expected to trust my life, for millions of miles, to a bunch of incompetents who can't even get my luggage aboard without losing it?”

#doctorwho

Matt Smith episode. We’re in an early 1900s house around Christmas time at night, rife with fancy lamps, ornate wallpaper, big red curtains, Victorian furniture. A mother in a fantastic red outfit and her daughter in a nightgown are looking at her son with big round glasses next to a telescope pointing out a window at the night sky. Captions read, “Where’s your father?” “In the garden.” “What’s he doing in the garden?” “Agriculture.” Can’t argue with you there.

#doctorwho

Jon Pertwee episode. A man in a military uniform is standing next to two men in white lab coats in a dingy underground concrete room, with a sciencey computer console in front of them with a bunch of switching and lights and things, a silver box sitting on top of the desk with big dials on it. Captions read, “Scientifically, they should be dead.” “But they’re not.” (Steven Moffat taking notes on how to write dialogue.)

#doctorwho

Matt Smith episode. Rory Pond is storming into his kitchen, wearing the top half of his nursing scrubs and underwear. Soldiers are everywhere, inexplicably, along with Amy Pond and the Doctor. Rory says, “There are soldiers all over my house and I’m in my pants.” The Doctor is looking down and smiling (suspicious) and Amy says, “My whole life, I've dreamed of saying that, and I miss it by being someone else.”

#doctorwho

Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor is wearing a bright white uniform of some kind, in a bright modern room. A soldier is standing right behind him, a bit out of focus. The Doctor is looking off-screen, in slight shock, mouth a little bit agape. Caption reads, “We have penetration zero.”

#doctorwho

Matt Smith episode. Someone is doing a voiceover on stock footage of a bustling city corner at night, bright shop lights, headlights, Christmas lights, with glowing yellow code on the left side of the screen, like some hacker movie. The voiceover is coming from a pixelated webcam video of a young man in a jumper sitting in front of a bookshelf with Things on it, talking directly to camera. Captions read, “People’s souls are being uploaded to the internet. Sometimes you can hear their screams.”

#doctorwho

Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor and Jo Grant are tied up in a jail cell, Jo with a bandage around her chin that she only just pulled off. Jo says, “Well, they're criminals - they must be!” The Doctor says, “Ah, you're prejudiced.” “Well, aren't you? They tried to kill you and me.” “That’s not in their favor, I’ll admit.”

#doctorwho

Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob — although, heart-shatteringly, he is not on screen. Instead, Missy is peering out the door of the TARDIS, with a sly smile, wearing an excellent hat with a big bow and some fruit on it. Caption reads, “Hello! I’m Doctor Who!”

#doctorwho