Doctor Who Minus Context

Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor is wearing a bright white uniform of some kind, in a bright modern room. A soldier is standing right behind him, a bit out of focus. The Doctor is looking off-screen, in slight shock, mouth a little bit agape. Caption reads, “We have penetration zero.”

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Matt Smith episode. Someone is doing a voiceover on stock footage of a bustling city corner at night, bright shop lights, headlights, Christmas lights, with glowing yellow code on the left side of the screen, like some hacker movie. The voiceover is coming from a pixelated webcam video of a young man in a jumper sitting in front of a bookshelf with Things on it, talking directly to camera. Captions read, “People’s souls are being uploaded to the internet. Sometimes you can hear their screams.”

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Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor and Jo Grant are tied up in a jail cell, Jo with a bandage around her chin that she only just pulled off. Jo says, “Well, they're criminals - they must be!” The Doctor says, “Ah, you're prejudiced.” “Well, aren't you? They tried to kill you and me.” “That’s not in their favor, I’ll admit.”

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Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob — although, heart-shatteringly, he is not on screen. Instead, Missy is peering out the door of the TARDIS, with a sly smile, wearing an excellent hat with a big bow and some fruit on it. Caption reads, “Hello! I’m Doctor Who!”

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Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) We’re in a room in the future, and you can tell, because the walls are silvery and metaly and colorful, with Things on them. The Doctor is inexplicably an old man, sitting down, surrounded by Romana II, a middle-aged man in a clean gray uniform, and a big green chameleon-looking person. The Doctor is tenderly touching the chameleon’s arm, saying, “I wish I knew what you wanted, friend.”

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David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) Donna Noble is standing in an office, looking off-screen at her coworkers, holding a mouse mat with an image of that green frog with red eyes sitting on a flower, just above a box with a bunch of miscellaneous stuff in it. Caption reads, “Cliff, I'd leave you my mouse mat, but I'm worried you'd cut yourself.”

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Colin Baker episode. We’re in a control room of some kind in the far future, and you can tell, because the walls are all metal, it’s very dark, and there’s a control panel that’s just a bunch of colorful lights on the wall, with a shiny sparkly chair in front of it. Borad is sitting in the chair staring at the lights. Close to the camera, staring idly off-screen, is an android resembling a blue man with blonde hair and very broad shoulders, wearing some future space uniform that’s mostly plain white but with a big weird collar. Caption reads, “My time-web has the power to disintegrate the doors.”

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Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob. The TARDIS is among some urban detritus in Bristol, some gravel back lot next to train tracks, weeds, a rusted fence, a weird building. It’s also half size. The Doctor is struggling to get out of the door, making a contorted face, legs and arms wrapped around the one closed door while he squeezes through the other. Not sure why he didn’t just open both doors, but it does look a bit like he’s humping the TARDIS.

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Peter Davison episode. The Doctor is standing in a colony base in the far future, and you can tell, because the walls are all grey metal and moldy and dirty. Captions read, “Oh marvellous! You're going to kill me! What a finely tuned response to the situation!”

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David Tennant episode. (Aren’t they all?) Rose Tyler is sitting on a London bus looking bored, eating some popcorn as people get on and sit down behind her. She looks out the window wistfully. Captions read, “The first 19 years of my life, nothing happened. Nothing at all.”

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Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) A Sontaran, an ugly potato head man in a shiny polyester uniform with the helmet removed, is standing in a quarry. They’re putting a gun back in their holster, looking at Sarah Jane just off screen. Caption reads, “Why did you make that disagreeable noise?”

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Jodie Whittaker episode. Ryan, Graham and Grace are sitting on a cliffside, overlooking Sheffield. The sun is setting. It’s very picturesque. Caption reads, “Anyway, a second’s not enough.”

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Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor is standing in a set that’s supposed to be a jungle. There are a bunch of trees and things around, but also, for some reason, a ribbed plastic pipe that is painted green. The Doctor says, aloud to no one in particular, “I think this is not Hyde Park.”

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Jodie Whittaker episode. The Doctor is standing among a field of Weeping Angels, statues with wings covering their eyes. Caption reads, “You’re a very smug statue.”

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Matt Smith episode. The Doctor, Amy Pond and River Song are in a Roman army tent. It’s generally a bit dark, but somehow the few candlelights are fully illuminating the three just like TV studio lighting would. How odd. The Doctor says, “You graffitied the oldest clift face in the universe.” River, inexplicably dressed as Cleopatra, says, “You wouldn't answer your phone.”

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William Hartnell episode. The Doctor and Vicki are in some weird sort of organic room, with wavy lines and patterns on the walls. They’re both looking at something offscreen, hands on hips, thinking. Captions read, “Doctor, why don't we use the spider now as a weapon to get out of here?” “Because I think we might find it more valuable later on, child,”

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Jon Pertwee episode. The Doctor and Sarah Jane are in a room in the far future, and you can tell, because everything is plain and shiny gray. Two flat boxy shelves protruding from the walls are shaped vaguely like beds. They’re lying down, encased in what’s supposed to be spiderwebs, cocooning them. Caption reads, “Now I know what a fly feels like.”

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Christopher Eccleston episode. The Doctor is standing in a Downing Street meeting room, surrounded by a bunch of soldiers, dead people, the Prime Minister (who is an alien in disguise) and a general (who is also an alien in disguise). The Doctor says, “I think you'll find the Prime Minister is an alien in disguise.” Cut to the Prime Minister (alien in disguise), the general (also an alien in disguise) and the soldiers all looking incredulous. The Doctor says, “That's never gonna work, is it?” to a soldier, who says, “No.”

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Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor stands in a future Gallifreyan city, and you can tell, because the walls are all gray metal and have a bunch of pipes, with Borusa, a Time Lord wearing purple robes and a weird sort of helmet instead of the tall collars. The Doctor says, staring blankly into the middle distance, “You must submit the way I did when I first met them.”

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Jodie Whittaker episode. A man and a woman are standing in a lobby late at night; a bunch of papers are pinned to a bulletin board behind the desk. The woman looks thoroughly unimpressed. Maybe she’s a bit miffed that she’s wearing such an ugly blue and orange spotted cardigan. There’s a Monopoly board sitting in the desk between them. Caption reads, “Is it a toxic, hazardous or radioactive board game?”

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Jon Pertwee (and Patrick Troughton) episode. The Doctor, Jo Grant, Sergeant Benton and others are driving Bessy (the Doctor’s vintage yellow car) through a land in an antimatter universe, as depicted by a quarry in Wales. The Brig yells, “There it is over there!” Jo asks, “How did it get there?” They all get up and start running; caption reads, “That's a very good question, Miss Grant. Come on!”

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Ncuti Gatwa episode. Ruby Sunday is speaking on a TV set, with casual dim lighting. She’s mid sentence making a not especially flattering face. Caption reads, “and she would never move to the North, not in a million years.”

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Colin Baker episode. A middle-aged man and woman are sitting in a bizarre room with dull gray, pink and green paint smattered on the walls. On a somewhat industrial looking table, there’s a tray of disappointing food. The man looks sadder than the wall and food combined. The woman is doing some knitting or something. Captions read, “When was the last decent execution?” “Last week!”

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Matt Smith episode. The Doctor is laying on the ground, wearing a spacesuit. All you see inside is a fuzzy mess of hair — the back of his head. Caption reads, “Oh! I can’t see! I’m blind!” A woman is looking down at him, and says, “I think you've just got your helmet on backwards.”

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Tom Baker episode. (Aren’t they all?) The Doctor is standing in a future space room, and you can tell, because the walls are partially made out of metal and have a bunch of green squares on them. The Doctor is pleading at someone off-screen, and captions read, “Listen, we tell you the truth and you don't believe us. You accuse us of crimes we haven't committed and now you're going to have us shot.” No context for this. Whatsoever.

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Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob. Bill and the Doctor are in the TARDIS, around the console. Bill is sitting in one of the chairs, and says, “You can't reach the controls from the seats.” The Doctor gets up and poses by the console, saying, “Oh, I stand, like this.” Bill gestures towards the chairs and says, “You never thought of bringing the seats a bit closer?” The Doctor looks dejected and says, “No, not so far, no.”

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Tom Baker episode. The Doctor and Sarah Jane are in a sad little laboratory office type place, with a lot of classical furniture and flasks and things that could do with a little dusting up, and dark green cave-like walls that are pretty dirty, too. The Doctor is laying down, but sitting up on his elbows a bit, smiling wide at Sarah, who’s positively beaming back at him. Caption reads, “You thought I was dead didn't you?” “Mmm.” “You're always making that mistake.”

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David Tennant episode. Donna is causing a scene in an office, arguing with her boss. A man is sitting behind her at a desk, futzing around with a pen, pretending very badly not to notice. Donna says, “Well, sack one of this lot! Sack Cliff! He just sits there. I don't know what he does all day. Sorry, Cliff.” She turns around to look at him, and he looks back at her like a sad puppy. “Actually, I'm not sorry. What do you do all day?”

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Patrick Troughton episode. The Doctor is working on some kind of computer panel (off screen) making a perplexed face with those Troughton eyebrows. Zoe and Jamie (his lover) are sitting around behind him looking bored. Captions read, “What’s he doing now?” “I’ve no idea. Ask him.” “What's the use? He's got his mysterious face on.”

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Episode with Peter Capaldi, teenage heartthrob — although, devastatingly, he is not on screen. A man in a bowler hat stands next to Madame Vastra, a Silurian, among a crowd of people in Victorian London, looking at the TARDIS down by the Thames river bed. Oh, and also there’s a dinosaur, but she’s off screen. The man says, “Well, it’s just laid an egg.” Vastra says, “It dropped a blue box marked ‘Police’ out of its mouth. Your grasp of biology troubles me.”

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