Sean Ennis

Big thanks to @amazonprime.bsky.social for running my piece, “Leather Swatter or You’re Just Playin”! It’s a great product.

Don’t front. Come through.

Got a cold call at 6:30 on a Friday evening asking if I was the author of Hope and Wild Panic. I thought, finally, Oprah is calling. Turns out they’ve chosen me to pay them thousands of dollars to make posts on Threads for publicity. Let me get my checkbook.

My programming students are building a game where I am the villain and look like this and my feelings are hurt.

Set your alarms, North Mississippi!

Night Candy so important.

I’ve been on a waiting list for 18 months to purchase a helmet that facilitates lucid dreaming. This is a true story. My day finally came today, but now it’s just a crappy sleep mask with an app(!!) to track my fitful, restless nights. Stunned. Like, bro, my wallet was wide open for that helmet.

I’m going to push this air fryer to its motherfucking limits tonight.

Thunderstorms in the Valley. Put your shoes on.

We had to say goodbye to Zeke, my absolute main man. We adopted Z when I was in need of rescue myself. Difficult to imagine this family without him.

One of my students came today with a puke bucket just in case. I admire their dedication, but ain’t no way they can stay in the building. Still, I will be bringing a puke bucket to any event I don’t really want to attend from now on.

Hollywood is full of cowards too scared to make Independence Day 3.

I’ve never been more jealous of another writer’s title than Wild Robot.

Thanks to 3:AM for running 3 of my pieces! And I continue to collect cool Old Rats graphics! www.3ammagazine.com/3am/three-st...

I made a really terrible dinner tonight. What an embarrassment! What was I thinking?

I knew the building I worked in was haunted. Just realized we have a Bell Witch artifact in the building.

Very likely the only guest in this strange hotel.

Used chatGPT to generate a list of the most common venereal diseases on the Florida Gulf Coast in prep for my son’s senior trip.

It’s finally happened. Someone wants to make a reality tv pilot about where I work. It was nice knowing you all. See you at Bravocon 2026.

A strange poem has been appearing when I first turn this tv on

I’d like that. Things would be better. He never hurt anyone.

There was a time when Phineas and Ferb absolutely dominated the life and culture of our house, and I’m glad they are back. Shoutout to Dr. Doofenshmirtz, of course.

You know I bought that all black toothbrush. Unfuckwithable.

I have Tupac’s chain, btw

Thanks for reading, Matt!

Big thanks to @poolpartymag.com for running my piece, “The Last, Great Letter-Writer”! I’m real pleased.

A horse got loose once on HW7 and beautifully galloped past my Mazda 3, and I knew briefly what it was like to be Kevin Costner.

I don’t know what we need in this doomed century, but enough with the tv shows about wealthy cowboys.

Be advised: two shirtless, preteen brothers are planting IEDs (juice boxes) on CR733 in order to disrupt traffic. Reports of a damaged motorcycle. Do not engage their mother.

Getting a contact high at this high school graduation.