It’s Dana, actually

Can confirm. (Just had hibachi last night!)

If you eat a dessert but it isn’t a very good dessert, it doesn’t count, right?

If you are fan of pro wrestling, tune in to hear me babble about it. If you’re not a fan or pro wrestling, listen to babble about it anyway.

open.spotify.com/episode/1MMn...

Well dammit I discovered my old lady elbows today.

Hey guys, quick note: kiss-lips selfies have a 100% left-swipe success rate. Just thought you should know.

Lady at the store: oh you can fix that with a phone book. You look old enough to know what a phone book is.

Top notch customer service ffs.

My grandma used to drink and mutter to herself in the kitchen. That is not what I am doing right now. I’m in the living room.

Don’t let their cute little fluffy butts fool you, rabbits are little assholes.

My favorite thing about apps that advertise as ad free are all the ads.

Who can I drunk text right now?

Just got asked if I’d like to take advantage of the senior discount if you’re wondering how my day is going.

Eew!

I discovered that my house is a whole lot cleaner when I take my glasses off.

Ah crap, I didn’t know coming here meant homework.

Also, is there a tutor available? I have some catching up to do.

Sure was a lot crying kids at Target. Clearly they don’t appreciate the magic that place is.

My current hobby is buying everything I need for a new hobby and then not doing said hobby.

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I am the stabbiest.

Oh my gosh they do! Also…

Exhibit A

Perfecting my surgeon’s knot with all these bracelets I’m making so if anyone needs an operation hit me up.

Me: Hey siri, will rabbits eat my mums?

Siri: Rabbits eat mushrooms. Rabbits given wood ear mushrooms have lower LDL.

Me: repeats question.

Siri: gives same response.

Me: No, no. Siri. Do. Rabbits. Eat. Mums.

Siri: Cannibalism is rare but can happen in rabbits.

Me: ffs never mind

Does anyone want a best friend? I’m a really good one.

Happy Fri Friends

So you guys got crushes over here or?

I’ll sign up for anything to get a free T-shirt that I’ll throw in a drawer and never wear.

Anyone with a taco emoji gets my full attention.